


Dawn in Your Eyes

by Jubilee44



Series: Peaky Blinders [5]
Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: 1920s, Blind Character, Canon Jewish Character, Developing Relationship, Disability, Disabled Character, F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gang Violence, Gangsters, Grief/Mourning, Kidnapping, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parenthood, Pregnancy, Pregnancy complications, Seder Pesach | Passover Seder (Judaism), Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2020-07-21 04:13:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 49,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jubilee44/pseuds/Jubilee44
Summary: Alfie has little to no idea why Caroline ever gave him the time of day. The blind woman seemed far too sensible to even speak to him. But soon he finds himself falling helplessly in love.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First posted this in my Peaky Blinders collection, but I'm moving it over to be expanded.

Everyone in Camden Town always greeted Alfie. Whether it was a tip of the hat, a polite greeting, or simply keeping out of his way. Hardly anyone caught his eye though. He merely grunted in brief acknowledgment to those who greeted him. There were only a few people he truly interacted with on his walk from his flat to the bakery.

His elderly neighbor who knew his mother, the postman, and the boy at the corner who gave him the daily paper.

“Morning, Mr. Solomons.” The boy greeted with a bright smile. The gangster was his best customer. Always consistent and always gave a little extra.

“Morning, Timothy.” Alfie reached into his pocket to retrieve a few coins. “How’re the headlines?”

“Going on ‘bout all the strikes, sir.” The boy handed him the newspaper. “Communists.”

“Fucking hell,” Alfie muttered and bid Timothy a good morning before moving along. He glanced up from the front page of the paper and noticed possibly the biggest dog he’d ever seen. Previously it had been Cyril but this dog had to be more than ten stone. An absolute sucker for dogs, he decided to go over and ask about him.

Standing beside the massive Newfoundland was a petite woman with a thin cane in hand. She kept the dog’s leather lead gripped tightly in her hand. Her ashy brown hair was pinned up and partially hidden beneath a dark maroon cloche hat.

“That’s quite a beast you’ve got there,” Alfie said as he approached the woman.

Her head tilted slightly toward him but her eyes remained straight ahead. Still, Alfie could see a smile form on her face. “Thank you.” She spoke softly.

“Fucking hell, like a horse.” He remarked and took in the dog’s heavy black coat and bushy tail. “A Newfie, innit?”

The woman still didn’t turn to look at him. She nodded slightly. “Yes, his name is Pilot.”

“That right…I’ve got a bull mastiff. But he ain’t nearly this big.” He chuckled and reached out his hand for Pilot to sniff. Instead, the dog remained absolutely still, ignoring him just as the woman appeared to be. Alfie frowned. Cyril could hardly contain himself when a stranger came to pat him. “Don’t like people?”

“He’s trained not to lose focus.” The woman replied and slightly turned her head in the direction of his voice. That’s when Alfie noticed her eyes were clouded over. It wasn’t a foreign sight to him, it was exactly the way his young cousin’s looked.

“Sorry, didn’t realize…” Alfie cleared his throat and felt embarrassed. Such an unfamiliar feeling. “Me cousin is blind. She’s got a dog too. A nice Labrador.”

The woman didn’t seem to mind his mistake. She merely smiled and nodded.

“Name’s Alfie. You from around here?”

“Yes, I’m Caroline. I’m Julia’s niece.” The woman said and gently rested a hand on Pilot’s head that stood just above her hips.

“Oh right, yeah…” He ran a hand over his beard. Julia was a big figure in the Jewish community. Especially when she began a charity for the blind. The woman had told Alfie the reason for starting the charity, citing her niece who was born blind. But he’d never met Caroline before.

“You donate a good sum of money to her charity.” She spoke so gently but had steady confidence behind her voice. She wasn’t timid or afraid of the world despite her disability.

“Right, well, think is great what she does, innit?” The gangster began to realize he was staring at Caroline. She was beautiful, a beautiful Jewish woman, the kind of woman his mother always wanted him to find. He swallowed hard.

“Of course.” Caroline nodded. “She speaks very highly of you, my aunt. What is it that you do?”

He furrowed his brow and glanced down at Pilot for a moment. “Me? I own a bakery. One down the road, end of Bonnie Street.” 

“I didn’t picture you being a baker.” She admitted with an amused smile passing over her pink lips. “My aunt makes you out to be a big scary man.”

Alfie chuckled sheepishly and shook his head. “Don’t believe everything you hear, love.”

“I tend not to.” Caroline reached out an arm. “You could escort me. I’ll be traveling past Bonnie Street. You can tell me about your bull mastiff.”

He raised an eyebrow. Most people were too intimidated to be close to him. They were afraid of the reputation he held. What they saw scared him. What they heard about him scared them even more. “Sure.” He carefully took her arm in his, escorting her down the street.

Pilot began walking to her left, the large dog plodding along dutifully. He didn’t care if Alfie was there or not, he would guide Caroline, his job was never done.

“What’s his name?”

“Cyril,” Alfie answered. It was strangely relaxing being in her presence. She soothed him and it felt like the world around them was muted. “S’an idiot.”

Caroline laughed. “Oh, I’m sure that’s not true.”

“Nah, tripped, right, on his own fucking feet this morning.” He told her. “Would be the worse seeing-eye dog. Would lead me right into the fucking cut.”

It was lovely listening to her laugh so genuinely. “But you love him.”

“’Course. Had him since he was just a little runt. Found him tossed on the side of the fucking road. All ‘lone in the rain.”

“Oh, how awful.” Caroline frowned. “How could someone abandon him?”

“Fucking soulless person, that’s who,” Alfie grunted in agreement. “You’ll hafta meet him though. He’s a love, ain’t as well behaved as Pilot is.” He could hardly believe how silent and subtle such a large dog was.

Caroline smiled. “I would like that.” She disagreed with her aunt who said Alfie was crooked. Julia respected the man for donating to the charity but she sure as hell didn’t trust the man. But Caroline couldn’t imagine a man who rescued a puppy from death would be crooked. There was so much she didn’t know but there was so much she wanted to know.

“Yeah? I’ll bring him ‘long to work tomorrow. Will you be out for a walk?” He wondered hopefully.

“I was planning on it.” She stopped when she felt Alfie standstill in front of a building. She heard the sounds of men shouting back and forth inside.

“Then I’ll see you ‘round. Try to make sure Cyril’s on his best behavior.” Alfie smiled and reluctantly let his arm slip away from her.

“I’m looking forward to it.” Caroline smiled. “Have a good day, Mr. Solomons. Come along, Pilot.”

Alfie stood by the doors of the bakery, watching her walk off with Pilot, her cane tapping on the ground. How wonderful it was to not be judged based on appearances. It was an interesting concept and he wanted to explore it further with Caroline.


	2. Chapter 2

Very seldom did Alfie ask for life advice. He was typically the type of man who walked through the world pretending he knew everything, even if he was clueless. But in his eyes, weakness wasn’t an option.

Still, there were some people he trusted. Very few people. Probably less than ten. But Ollie was one of those people; he had to be trusted in his position at the bakery. But their families had known each other for a very long time. Camden’s Jewish community was very tightly knit, but some families were closer than others. Especially when it came to Alfie and his men. Some disapproved while others saw him as a leading figure despite what he did behind closed doors.

But in such a close community, no matter what opinion you held, rumors got around about everything and everyone.

“So, I heard you were seen with Julia’s niece.” Ollie tentatively brought up the conversation as the two made their rounds in the bakery.

“Yeah, who’d you hear that from?” Alfie asked grumpily. He wasn’t happy to hear people were gossiping about him. As a gangster, he liked a high measure of secrecy and enjoyed his private life.

“Shayna,” Ollie admitted.

It was difficult to be upset with his assistant’s wife. She was a good Jewish woman who always offered a place in her home for the bachelor gangster. But she had a bite to her as well and if you passed by their flat at the right time, you could hear her shouting in Yiddish. Alfie liked her enough to let the gossiping pass.

“We were just talking ‘bout her dog,” Alfie explained. “Never met her ‘fore.”

Ollie nodded and became a little distracted from the ledger in his hand. His wife’s words from the previous night echoed in his head.

‘Eva saw them walking together. Said Alfie couldn’t keep his eyes off her.’

He cleared his throat and tested the waters a little bit. “She’s beautiful.”

“Fuck off.” Alfie’s defenses immediately spiked up and he rolled his eyes.

“Sorry.” Ollie dropped the subject, well accustomed to picking and choosing his battles.

But the mention of Caroline’s beauty stuck a pin right in Alfie’s heart. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. She had become a part of his morning routine. After getting his paper, Alfie greeted her and Pilot at the corner. He’d have to rein back Cyril so the mastiff didn’t distract the Newfoundland.

They would walk together towards the bakery, sometimes taking a longer route just to spend more time together. Caroline always rested her hand on Alfie’s arm. They would talk about simple things in their life, nothing too deep. His occupation and her blindness were never topics of conversation.

Despite the casual morning chats, Alfie felt a solid connection to the woman. Normally, it took years for him to truly trust anyone or to feel a real bond. It was one of the many reasons he’d been single for so long. But he was so intrigued by Caroline.

She experienced the world differently than others did. She approached things from another angle. Being a Jewish woman in a fairly Orthodox community, she had a measure of expectations placed on her. But she was like Alfie. Her disability made her adjust her priorities and crack the mold she was supposed to fit. Unmarried and childless at twenty-nine, she didn’t follow the life her family assumed she would have. But her independence was one of the things she treasured most. Pilot gave her a level of independence that she thought she would never have. Now she was mostly on her own. Took care of her own needs and felt the freedom she always craved as a blind teenager.

Alfie loved that about her. A strong woman with good Jewish morals was an unbelievable find in his opinion. Something he didn’t think he deserved but it was nice to think about. He wasn’t heartless.

He ran a hand through his hair and grumbled. “How’d you…you know…” The words were failing him. “Fuck, I just don’t know how to talk to her.” 

Ollie did everything he could to hide his amusement. It was nice to see a softer side to the man though. “Well, what have you been talking about?”

Alfie furrowed his brows. “Just little things. Can’t really tell her that…” It was unbelievably frustrating for him. Dictating his emotions was something he didn’t do often.

“Sir,” His assistant smiled sympathetically. “You obviously like her. Maybe you should just tell her that.”

“Great, yeah, I’ll just tell her that.” Alfie rolled up the newspaper in his hand and used it to whack Ollie on the back of the head. “You thick? She’d fucking laugh at me.”

Ollie rubbed the back of his head and sighed. “Just trying to help, sir.”

“Just tryna help.” He muttered and stormed towards his office, leaving the young man behind him. “Fucking hell.”

Alfie had a feeling he would just run around in circles before he ever mustered up the courage, to be honest with Caroline. In fact, he was just waiting for the day she decided he wasn’t a man to waste time on. Maybe her aunt would tell her more about what he did. Her friends would warn her of the danger. Something he might say could push her away.

But the morning after he spoke to Ollie, she was there on the corner as usual. She smiled when she heard Alfie’s familiar shuffling gait approaching her.

“You’re late.” She informed him with an amused glint in her eyes.

“Late?” Alfie chuckled. “You think so?”

She reached out and he offered his arm to her. “Pilot and my aunt keep me on a pretty good schedule.”

“Wish Cyril would do that. But he likes to sleep in.” They began to walk their normal route, Pilot dutifully walking beside Caroline. Cyril’s tongue lolled out happily as he loped along.

“Well, I’m glad you didn’t keep me too long.” Caroline smiled and tilted her head towards Alfie. “You’ve become one of the best parts of my morning.”

The simple sentence socked Alfie right in the gut. He suddenly felt thrilled and dumbfounded at the same time. “Really? Your morning’s that terrible?” He joked half-heartedly. He couldn’t believe that he would be the best thing or her morning.

“You sound surprised. Have I not made my feelings towards you clear?” She stopped walking for a moment.

Alfie paused and turned to face her. He gently touched her cheek and guided her eyes to his. It didn’t matter that she couldn’t see him; she could feel him deeper than anyone else. “Tell me.” He coaxed softly. It was a relief to have her break the ice. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to muster the courage that she had.

Caroline smiled and shifted her hand from his arm and placed it on his wrist. “You’re the first person who doesn’t treat me like I’m…less of a person. When I’m with you, I don’t feel different.”

Alfie’s heart was hammering against his chest. “Nah, love, you’re different. You’re a good person, right, and that’s fucking rare, innit?”

She bit her lip and a blush formed on her cheeks. “Alfie…”

“You’re the best part of my morning too. I’m just sorry I can’t-” He frowned and withdrew his hand from her cheek. But she slipped her hand from his wrist and went to lace her fingers with his. He glanced at their entwined hands. “I can’t be the man you need.”

“What do you mean?”

Alfie wrestled with the part of him that wanted to protect her from himself and the part that was selfishly yearning for her. “Lotta things I’ve done that you should never have to know.”

Caroline didn’t look worried or even hurt. And she didn’t let go of his hand. “I’m not afraid of you, Alfie.”

He laughed anxiously and shook his head. “I’m terrified of you, love.”

“Me?” Her face scrunched up in surprised amusement. “Why in the world would you be afraid of me?”

“’Cause you’re everything I want but know I can’t ever have. Beautiful, intelligent, patient woman. Too good for my world, ain’t ya?” He went to slip his hand away from hers. But she relented and tightened her grip.

“Alfie, you’re so silly.” She smiled teasingly. “Would you please just stop doubting yourself? I know you’re a lovely man.” She turned and went to start walking again.

He followed her, stunned by her indifference towards the potential danger he posed to her. “You so sure ‘bout that?”

“Yes.”

When they approached the front of the bakery, Alfie seriously considered allowing himself to follow his desires. “You’re something else, you know that?”

Her coy look made him nearly lose his mind. How could such a perfect creature be drawn to him? “Don’t be late tomorrow.” She warned and let go of his hand.

“Could take you out to dinner or somethin’.” He offered hopefully.

“We’re Jewish, Alfie, you’ll have to meet my family first.” She called over her shoulder and let Pilot lead her down the sidewalk.

“Fucking hell.” Alfie couldn’t get the grin off his face.


	3. Chapter 3

Julia Ellner was the only family Caroline had left. Her sister and brother-in-law had been lost to consumption. The young woman was lucky enough to escape becoming sick too. Julia’s parents had left Russia before the worst of the pogroms. They’d settled in Camden Town and became prominent members of the community. When she was eighteen, Julia was married off to a wealthy investor. After he passed, she inherited his estate and made it her mission to do good.

She could distinctly remember the day she held her niece for the first time. Her sister, Monica, was in tears as she told her what the doctor had said. The beautiful little infant with cloudy gray eyes was blind. It was frustrating to know that there was little they could do. She would face many obstacles and the family had to adjust. Teaching her braille, never letting her out of their sight, and trying to explain why she was born different.

Then, Julia read about dogs being trained as eyes to the blind. Instantly, she knew what she wanted to do with her time and money as a widow. She gave a bit of independence to Caroline, but now she realized that independence led straight to the most dangerous Jew in Camden Town.

“Mrs. Ellner.” Ollie’s eyes widened when he saw the older woman walking towards the doors of the bakery. “I uh, Mr. Solomons wasn’t expecting you.” 

Julia gave him a tight smile. “I’m sure he wasn’t. But he can make time for me.” Being a woman in a man’s world wasn’t easy. But if one knew how to be assertive, it made things a little easier.

Ollie weighed his options. His employer didn’t like unexpected meetings, but he’d most likely be upset if he found out his assistant had turned her away. “Okay, come with me.” He nodded and led her through the heavy doors.

Alfie was elbow deep in paperwork. His bookies were being scared off the tracks and he was livid. Tommy Shelby was being a pain in the arse as was Darby Sabini. He wasn’t in the mood for any interactions, distinguished member of the community or not.

But as far as Julia was concerned, they weren’t on Alfie’s time. So she walked into his office with just a brief knock. Ollie followed with an apologetic look written on his face. He fully expected to get the book thrown at him. Maybe literally.

Alfie looked up from his papers and frowned. “Mrs. Ellner didn’t think you were on me agenda.”

“Well, you should’ve been expecting me for quite some time, Mr. Solomons.” She replied and sat down before he could offer an invitation.

“That right?” Alfie sighed and placed his pen down. Obviously, he wasn’t going to get any work done until she left. He rolled up his sleeves and leaned back in his leather chair.

With fiery red hair that always skipped a generation in the family, clever eyes and an unbending stature, Julia was always a force to be reckoned with. When it came to her charity work, there wasn’t much to argue about. Alfie made a generous donation semi-annually and they exchanged pleasantries. But the two had their run-ins before. Mostly Alfie disrupting life in Camden. She urged him to clean up his act more than once without much result.

“My niece is not one of your playthings.” She spoke harshly. The kindness she usually had for donors had flown out the window hours ago when she caught wind of Caroline and Alfie.

He was too tired for this. But kicking Julia out of his office wouldn’t help his case. “I don’t-”

She didn’t let him finish. “She is not a whore or whatever you’d like to call the women who go in and out of your flat.”

Alfie muttered a curse under his breath. He couldn’t do anything without everyone knowing.

“She is a good, Jewish woman from a good family.” Caroline’s aunt emphasized each word with a rap of her hand against his desk. “And I will not have the likes of you or your men sniffing around her.”

It was partly amusing to know that there were men that walked the same planet who would never speak to Alfie the way Julia did. But that didn’t matter when Alfie held great respect for the Jewish women of Camden. Especially Julia. Women like his mother who put up with the men around them and still managed to keep a clean house, tend after the kids, go to temple, and have a hot meal on the table each night.

And Caroline was tempting. Even the thought of her made him involuntarily wince from the ache in his chest. But Julia was right. Fucking sinner like him had no business around her.

So Alfie simply cleared his throat and nodded. “I apologize, Mrs. Ellner, you won’t see me around her anymore.” He promised. “You can take that as my word.”

Julia narrowed her eyes and held herself tall in her seat. “I should hope so.” Her demeanor softened ever so slightly when she discovered he wasn’t going to fight her. “You have a good heart, Alfie, but you bring nothing but violence to those around you.”

He fidgeted with the pen sitting on his desk. He grunted in agreement but decided there was nothing else to be said on the matter.

“I’ll leave you be.” She stood and gathered her things. “Thank you for seeing me unannounced. I hope to hear from you soon.”

“Yeah, right.” He ran a hand over his mouth and pointed at the door. “Take a bottle ‘fore you go. As many as you want.” He offered sort of as a peace offering. Least he could do for potentially clouding up the existence of her niece.

“I don’t drink.”

“Yeah, neither do I.”

So, Alfie took a different route to work every morning. That meant he had to forgo his daily newspaper, snatching Ollie’s before the poor boy had a chance to look at the headline. But his boss was in a foul mood once his morning routine was adjusted. The best part of his day had been cut off cold turkey.

It carried on for a week, Alfie’s sour demeanor only worsening. But it came to an end when he came across Caroline standing at the bakery doors come Monday.

Pilot sat serenely by her side, basking in the bit of sun that escaped the gray clouds in the sky.

Alfie’s gait hesitated when he saw her and the massive dog by her side. He let out a slow breath and carried on. Couldn’t be blamed if Caroline showed up at his front door, now could he?

“Take a wrong turn, love?”

A hint of a smile formed on Caroline’s face when she heard his voice. It had been a long week. She worried after two days of Alfie not showing up to the corner. The boy who sold newspapers to the man had told Caroline he hadn’t seen Alfie either. So at least he wasn’t walking right by her and ignoring her. But he didn’t seem like the type of person to miss even one day of work. So she was afraid something was wrong.

“Have you’ve been taking Camden Gardens instead of Prowse to avoid me?” She ignored his initial question.

“Well,” Alfie scratched the back of his neck and leaned on his cane. “Your aunt suggested a longer walk for me health.”

“Ah.” Caroline nodded, her head tilting slightly. “I figured she would intervene sooner or later. She is…protective.”

“She’s right, ain’t she?” He furrowed his brow and evaluated the distance between them. Relative to the distance they used to keep. Her arm on his, her shoulder brushing against him. “Don’t think you really get what sort of fucking person I am.”

Her expression didn’t change. She maintained the calm look of self-assurance. “The kind of a man who would brighten the day of a blind woman? Or the kind of man who would stop to compliment someone’s dog?”

“I-”

“Or the kind of man who would treat that woman with more respect than anyone else has in their life. Treating her like she isn’t any different. Like she’s just a person.”

Alfie had to take a deep breath. “Doesn’t matter, love. Things I’ve done…I’ve no fucking right to involve you in any of it.”

“How does walking with me involve me in anything?” She retorted. “I hardly see how that’s relevant.”

“Because you don’t…” He huffed in frustration and paced a few steps. It felt like there was a ball being bounced against a wall over and over again. His reputation was dangerous enough for the people around him. But he was so hesitant to tell Caroline to hit the bricks. “I have men who would be willing to kill you in order to get back at me. Even for something as little as giving them a fucking dirty look.” Maybe brutal honesty would drive her away.

Caroline didn’t budge. “You wouldn’t let that happen.”

“Well, no of course not.” He spluttered. It certainly wasn’t the reaction he was counting on. “But if there were even the chance I wouldn’t risk it. Not with you.”

“So you would risk it with someone else.”

“No.” He insisted. “Men like me, right, are meant to fucking be alone. Way of the world. Women like you are meant to be kept safe by someone who can keep you safe.”

Caroline paused for a moment. Her eyes pointed in the direction of his voice but gazing a little bit over his shoulder. Pilot nudged her hand and she gently scratched behind his ears. “Women like me.” She scoffed slightly. “How many times do you think my aunt has tried to offer a dowry for me?”

Alfie couldn’t answer.

“But no man wants me as a wife.” Her expression hardened. “Who wants a blind girl as a wife? Someone who can’t…be a proper wife. Someone who always needs looking after. Someone who can’t…can’t even see her own husband or children.” She swallowed and fought back the tears.

Alfie opened his mouth to speak but couldn’t find the words.

“When I met you, I figured you were different. People have told me what sort of man you are but those are just words. What do they know?” She sniffled and subtly dabbed at her eyes with the sleeve of her coat. “You talk about a man who would protect me. When you’re the only man who would even volunteer.” She tugged gently at Pilot’s lead, extending her cane outwards.

Alfie was taken aback but the words were stuck in his throat. “Caroline-”

“You enjoy your walk through the gardens.” She turned to leave. “Although I’ve heard that they’re not pretty this time of the year.”


	4. Chapter 4

About a week after Alfie single-handedly fucked up one of the best things he had going for him, he was still brooding. Well, brooding was for emotionally stunted men. Like Tommy Shelby. No, he was more…testy. Violent even. Looking for any excuse to let loose some anger he had simmering.

But it was exhausting. And after the day ended and dusk loomed over the bakery, he had to sit with the loneliness. Never before had he been lonely. Not even when he was bleeding out in a trench, struggling to stand, left to die among the already dead. But after getting just a little taste of companionship, he was hooked. Now he felt empty without Caroline to fill his mornings.

She was right. The gardens were bleak as the fall withered away into winter. It was a depressing walk, sometimes he simply called for a car, made an excuse that the weather was bothering his hip. Then he sulked in the back seat of the car, demanding Ishmael take the long route along Camden Gardens. But at least the wildlife and trees matched his mood. If it had been spring, he would’ve been grumpy at the weather for being so joyful.

“Is my cousin still cranky or will he be willing to have a chat?”

Elizabeth Solomons-Levi, despite her lack of sight, was a force to be reckoned with. Only twenty-one, she declined Alfie’s offer to find her a respectful, well off, suitable husband. Instead, she snatched up a young politician from one of London’s most affluent families. Winning him over in just one night with her wit, charm, and beauty. Richard and Alfie didn’t exactly see eye to eye. Mostly because Richard knew exactly what Alfie did for a living and disapproved. As a law-abiding man, he frowned upon his illegal activities. Alfie didn’t like him because he was born with a coin purse stuffed with a never-ending supply of money. Also, politics.

But Richard cared a great deal for Elizabeth. Showering her with all the wealth she deserved, clearly treating her like the princess he saw her as.

Alfie was consulting with one of his men when she walked in. Decked out in a new fur coat with a matching cloche hat and a stunning diamond necklace. Her dog, Buck, led her through the hallway, fairly familiar with the building. Although Elizabeth didn’t live too far away, albeit, in a much nicer part of London, she was often busy attending events with her husband or vacationing in the countryside at the Levi estate.

“Didn’t know you’d be stopping by.” Alfie chose to ignore the comment about his crankiness.

“Well, when we spoke over the phone I knew something was wrong.” She smiled and reached out a hand when Buck stopped in front of her cousin.

Alfie offered his arm, escorting her back to his office. “Nothing wrong. Just business as usual.”

“I may be blind, Alfred, but I’m not stupid.” She retorted.

He chuckled. He was a teenager when Elizabeth was born and remembered how sad everyone was when they learned of her blindness. They assumed she would never have a life, never get to experience the joys ‘normal’ people did, and would be miserable. But apparently, some souls were made to thrive even with a disability. Alfie often joked that God had to make her blind; otherwise, she would be far too powerful and end up ruling the world before she was thirty.

Elizabeth often joked about her lack of sight because she liked to hear how uncomfortable it made people. They were taken aback, scolding her, saying she ought to not make fun of her own disability. But Alfie enjoyed her humor. Especially since he knew she had been such a timid little girl, held back by her family’s fear for her future and quality of life.

It just so happened that when Julia’s charity came to fruition, and Elizabeth received a dog free of charge because of Alfie’s donation, her personality blossomed. She finally had independence and found the woman she was meant to be. This, in turn, led to meeting her husband.

Alfie pulled out a chair for her and told Cyril to stay behind the desk and away from the Labrador. 

The mastiff, not as strictly trained as the guide dog, whined and pawed at Alfie, wanting to sniff Buck. But he was ignored and grumbled low as he lay down at Alfie’s feet.

“Word is that you were seeing Julia’s niece for some time.” Elizabeth set her cane to the side and removed her hat and coat.

“Weren’t seeing her. Just talked to her. Haven’t seen her in a while.” He muttered and crossed his arms over his chest.

“I’ve heard she’s beautiful.”

“Oh fucking hell, you and everyone else making shit out of nothing. Can’t I have a conversation, right, with someone without anyone fucking assuming that I’ve fallen in love with them?” He demanded.

His cousin simply smirked. “I said nothing about love.”

The gangster’s face scrunched up in displeasure. “Were implying it.”

“No, I think you were.” She continued to press when he only responded with a disgruntled grunt. “What’s the matter? She’s a lovely woman, so I’ve heard. Beautiful and Jewish. Loves dogs no doubt. Being blind makes you patient too, heaven knows you’ll need someone patient.” She teased affectionately.

“Like I said before, ain’t nothing going on.”

Elizabeth pouted. “Why? You’ve been alone for so long, Alfie. You deserve some happiness.”

“I’m plenty happy. Fucking happiest man on Earth.” He grumbled but it merely made his cousin laugh.

“You’re more miserable than I’ve ever seen you. Why don’t you even consider the idea? Settling down?”

Alfie huffed and cursed Elizabeth’s persistence. “’Cause Julia don’t want me anywhere near her. Can’t blame her. Reason I leave women ‘round here alone and they avoid me.”

“Because you’re just an awful, horrid, hellish man with a void in place of his heart?” Elizabeth raised an eyebrow.

“Well…”

“You’re not.” She interrupted him before he could argue. “What sort of awful man would make sure his family and his community were well off? What sort of man would donate to Julia’s charity? And other charities for that matter?”

He dragged a hand through his beard and glanced out the window that separated his office from the rest of the bakery. “None of that fucking matters, now do it? Say I were to entertain the idea, yeah? Everyone I’ve ever had a disagreement with, anyone looking for revenge, right, sees her as a target. Blind girl who’s barely seven stone soaking wet. Fucking destroy me if anything happened to her ‘cause of me.”

Elizabeth didn’t look swayed in the slightest. “And what am I then, aye?” She challenged. “A politician’s wife, blind as well. But I trust that Richard and his men can keep me safe. As well as Buck.” She smiled and rested a hand on her beloved dog’s head. “And your men too. Do you doubt yourself as someone who can protect? Because you’ve been protecting many people for many years.”

Alfie rolled his eyes like a child. Sometimes he hated how persuasive and articulate she could be. She was far smarter than most of the men who worked for him. “Yeah? Who?”

“Well, me, for starters, you daft man.” She replied firmly.

“Fucking great job I did, didn’t I? Married to a politician.”

Elizabeth chuckled and shook her head. “I’m sure if you didn’t trust him, he would’ve disappeared before the wedding.”

That was true but Alfie kept quiet. Those plans would still be in motion if Richard were ever to harm or abuse his cousin. “So what?”

“So, I’m saying is if there’s a woman out there you fancy, then who’s to say you can’t protect her?” 

“Her aunt.” He argued and stood up. “I’ve got a meeting soon, Liz, I can’t talk much longer.”

“Alright then.” His cousin ceded and picked up her cane. She thanked Alfie as he handed over her hat and helped her into her coat. “By the way, is Caroline employed?” She wondered.

“No, think she does some work for the charity.” He shrugged. “Julia’s afraid something would happen to her.” He told Cyril to stay in the office as he opened the door. His cousin rested her hand on his arm while they walked back into the main hallway.

“She could liaison for Richard and the charity. He’s looking to donate money to hopefully allow Julia to expand further out into London.”

“Well, Julia can help with that.” They stopped at the front doors.

“I’m sure she could but it would be nice to have someone who’s a bit more like me to help.” Elizabeth adjusted the fur-lined cuffs of her coat and untucked her hair from beneath her collar. “Perhaps you can ask if she’d be interested.”

Alfie was perplexed at her proposition. “Or you could, ain’t that far. Sure you’ve got Julia’s number.”

“I’m a very busy woman, Alfie. You’re closer than I am and I’m sure you’d enjoy the walk over.” She smiled playfully.

He groaned and opened the doors for her. “Go on, scram. Had enough of your scheming.”

She laughed as she headed towards the expensive car waiting for her on Bonnie Street. “See you later, cousin.”

“And stop fucking going ‘round wearing your diamonds!” He called after her. “Someone’s gonna mug you!”

The driver of the car helped Elizabeth into the car, greeting her by her married name. Buck jumped into the backseat with her, curling up on the leather seat beside her and resting his head in her lap.

She grinned and stuck her head out the window. “I’d like to see them try, Alfie.”


	5. Chapter 5

Alfie put off the favor that he owed his cousin. It wasn’t so much a favor as he felt it was an obligation. She asked and he seldom turned her down. It still wasn’t an ideal situation. He had to ask Julia for a favor. And it was a favor this time around because he was sure Elizabeth wouldn’t stop asking until he gave her a definitive answer. Either Julia said absolutely, unequivocally no. Or she’d caved in and agreed which Alfie thought was highly unlikely.

Still, Elizabeth would call his bluff if he said he asked when he never did. So he made the very short trip over to the office. The secretary in the front recognized the gangster just as everyone in Camden did.

“Mrs. Ellner in?” Alfie asked without pleasantries.

“She is. Could you take a seat to wait for her? She’ll be out in a minute.” There was always the brief hesitation in someone’s voice when they knew who he was. The hint of worry that his reputation would explode and he’d become violent. Rumors spread fast. Most people knew that Alfie only had issues with people who gave him a good enough reason. Sure, he could be unreasonable at times but not a bone in his body was about to get upset at a secretary who asked him to wait a moment.

He nodded and sat down in one of the love seats that had been set up in the small front room. He rested his cane by his knee and folded his hands on his lap. Every so often the secretary, a young woman who looked no older than twenty-five, glanced nervously at him. But there wasn’t anything he could do to reassure her that he was calm. Even his idle stance was intimidating, he knew that. It was carefully crafted.

After just a few minutes of waiting, the door behind the secretary’s desk opened. Julia stepped out and frowned when her eyes fell on Alfie.

“Mr. Solomons, we don’t have a meeting scheduled.”

“Yeah, well, thought you liked dropping in unannounced.” He stood up with a grunt.

The older woman raised an eyebrow at him but didn’t argue. “Why don’t you come in?” She held out an arm towards her office.

“Nah, I’ll be quick.” He promised. “My cousin stopped by the other day asking ‘bout Caroline.”

Julia’s expression soured even more. “Alfie, I told you…”

“I know what you said. This ain’t about me.” He held up a hand as he clarified. “She’s looking for someone to help with her husband’s charity work.”

Julia knew about Elizabeth and knew her husband was a very popular politician in London. The young man who was taking Parliament by storm. Attractive to the elite of London and the working class. “I’d be more than happy to help with that. If you’d give me her information, I’ll get in touch with her as soon as I’m able to.”

“She requested Caroline’s help personally.”

The two stood in silence for a moment. Julia’s eyes never leaving Alfie. Her lips were pressed into a thin line as she considered the pros and cons to the agreement. “This isn’t one of your ploys.”

“I don’t do business with my cousin or her husband. Politics really isn’t my forte, now is it? Prefer to stay out of all that muck.”

Julia studied every inch of his face, trying to spot a tell of his deception. But as far as she knew, the man was being honest. “If I find out that you’re taking advantage of the situation…”

“Far too busy.” He interrupted. “I’ll give you my cousin’s information for you to pass ‘long to Caroline. That way, I’m not involved in any sort of the matter.” He reached into his coat to pull out a slip of paper with Elizabeth’s number and address.

Julia took it, suspicion still clouding her face. “Very well. I’ll give this to Caroline.” She agreed and placed the paper on her secretary’s desk. The young woman doing everything she could to pretend that she wasn’t hanging off their every word.

“Always a pleasure talking to you, Mrs. Ellner.” Alfie sighed and turned to leave. Yes, he would do what he could to stay away from Caroline. But he had a sneaking suspicion that Elizabeth would make that very difficult for him. She had a habit of sticking her nose into places it didn’t belong.

“Mr. Levi, I just wanted to thank you again for allowing me this opportunity.” Robert led Caroline into his office. “I must say I don’t know much about politics.”

He smiled. “That’s quite alright. My wife can answer any questions you may have. I’m afraid she’s a bit of a social butterfly and enjoys talking.” He chuckled. Of course, Richard absolutely loved this about his dear Elizabeth. She was nothing like the women his parents had intended for him to be betrothed to. Her intellect was unmatched and sometimes he felt a little taken aback by her level of problem-solving and critical thinking. They often had animated discussions about whatever crossed their minds. Politics, current events, history, technology, and science. Sometimes they disagreed and became a little heated. But they never went to bed angry with one another.

Richard felt like he could gloat a bit. He had by far, the best marriage out of any of his old mates from university. Seldom did he go very long without complimenting his wife. The woman he claimed was smarter than half of the Commons.

“That’s alright. We come from a very similar background so I imagine we’d have much to talk about.” Caroline smiled and instructed Pilot to lie down after Richard pulled out a chair for her.

“I can imagine it’s difficult, navigating the world full of people who don’t quite understand what it’s like for you. My Lizzie always calls me daft,” The young man chuckled and sat behind his desk. “But I often feel guilty because I don’t truly know the obstacles she faces.”

“I assure you that she’s probably just grateful you’re aware,” Caroline said gently. It was refreshing to hear a man so concerned over his wife’s welfare.

He smiled and carefully adjusted a framed photograph of his wedding day. Richard’s family was Jewish, but they were far wealthier and less orthodox than Elizabeth’s side. His smile faded a bit when he spotted Alfie towards the back of the wedding party. He stood solemnly, his hands laced together in front of him, rings visible.

Elizabeth had informed her husband of her coy plot. She mentioned Alfie’s adoration for Caroline, although Richard thought she might’ve been exaggerating. Since Alfie and he didn’t see eye to eye on many things, Richard was uneasy with the idea. Caroline seemed sweet and although he knew blindness didn’t define a person, he worried Alfie might use her or her aunt’s wealth.

“I do apologize for my wife’s tardiness.” Richard checked his pocket watch. “She’s keen on speaking to everyone on her way here.”

“Are you speaking about your wife behind her back?” Elizabeth strolled in with Buck by her side. “For your information, _zeeskeit,_ I’m only five minutes late.”

“Which is a miracle.” He grinned and stood up to kiss her cheek. “I’ve just been speaking to Miss Ellner a bit.”

Elizabeth found a seat beside Caroline and rested her cane against her husband’s desk. “As we discussed over the phone, Richard would love to fund the creation of another chapter of your aunt’s charity. And I’m sure your aunt would be pleased if you took control of this chapter.”

Caroline’s eyes widened in disbelief. “That is very generous. I’m not sure if I’m…well I don’t think I’d be so perfect for that role. A woman like me…”

“Knows exactly what she’s doing,” Elizabeth assured her and reached out to touch her arm. “Who could possibly be better? Your aunt must have taught you a lot. Aside from her, you must be the most knowledgeable.”

“Wow, well I-I’m not sure what to say.”

Richard opened a folder of plans. “We’ve several prospective properties, all very well kept and in good areas. There are people who would be willing to donate to such a cause, as well as wealthier families who would be willing to pay for your services. That way, you’d have resources to donate more dogs to those who can’t afford it.” He laid out a few papers in front of him. “There’s a lovely place in Belgravia. There’s a location in Kensington or one in Westminster that are both suitable.”

Caroline’s lips moved slightly but she couldn’t get the words out. The names of such prestigious areas of London were alarming. “I uh, well, they must be very nice but I don’t think I can afford to relocate to those areas.”

Elizabeth brushed off her concern. “Nonsense, we’ll make sure to make accommodations for you. No need to worry about money. Construction would begin as soon as we’ve the permits. Meanwhile, Richard and I will start to spread the news. If you’d like, it would be lovely to have a charity event to raise funds. That way, people may meet you and see how lovely you are.”

The woman spoke with such intense passion that it was a bit difficult to hold the same optimism. Caroline had never attempted such a feat before. She wasn’t even sure she could run the chapter in Camden Town. But she was sure her aunt wouldn’t want to move. She loved Camden too much and would turn up her nose at somewhere like Kensington. It didn’t mean that Caroline would fit any better.

She relied so much on Julia. “I’ve never lived on my own before.” She admitted. Of course, what was the shame in that? She was a blind woman. Society would always keep her boxed in with relatives.

“Well, maybe we could make arrangements. Or, oh Richard, we’ve got the extra bedroom on the third floor.” Elizabeth exclaimed. “I know it’s much better to have your own space but I’ve got a lovely young woman who helps me ‘round the house. That way, you wouldn’t be on your own.”

Her tone was so affectionate and caring, Caroline had a hard time turning her down. “I suppose we could try it out, although I wouldn’t want to intrude on your life.”

Richard chuckled. “It would be nice to have someone else around the house to take sides in our debates. And Misty is very kind, she takes wonderful care of Lizzie when she needs it.”

Caroline instinctually reached out for Pilot. The Newfoundland’s heavy fur calming her down. The prospect was so thrilling and yet so frightening. She’d never made such a leap before. But did she really want to stay in Camden? Under her aunt’s strong wing. Being so close to a man she actually adored. The man who had rejected her.

“I think it sounds like a wonderful idea.”

“Aerated Bread Company of Camden Town,” Alfie muttered, the phone receiver balanced between his shoulder and ear.

“Alfie, _kuzin_ , you’ve yet to contact me. It’s been nearly three months!” Elizabeth’s incredulous voice came from the other line.

“Right, Liz, been busy.” It wasn’t a bad thing to hear from his cousin, but he wasn’t in the mood to talk. And he knew exactly what she was calling to talk about.

“Well, have you even received my invitation?” She demanded.

Alfie eyed the cream-colored invitation muddled in the mix of paperwork on his desk. “Erm, no.”

“Bullshit!” She replied sourly. “You did and you didn’t respond.”

“Liz, to be fucking honest m’not gonna crash some fucking charity event.”

“You’re not crashing it ‘cause I’ve fucking invited you, moron.”

He grumbled and grabbed the invitation, shaking off loose papers that covered it. “I ain’t goin’. Julia’ll have my bollocks.”

“She’s not going.”

“Eh?”

“I said she’s not going. A friend of hers passed away so she’ll be attending the funeral. However, she gave permission for Caroline to go. Frankly, I’m not sure she needs permission. She’s lived with us for nearly two months now.”

Alfie’s thoughts came to a full stop. Perhaps it was the independence that she’d been craving. A bit of leeway from her aunt. A position in the charity that those around her had to acknowledge. It was everything Alfie expected her to be able to do. Damned if he wanted to congratulate her. But he didn’t think he had a place in her life anymore. Not after he’d turned away even if it was at the request of Julia.

“I can hear it in her voice, Alf, she wants to see you again.” Elizabeth’s voice softened. “When I said I’d invited you, she asked if I would tell her the moment you replied.”

Alfie forced himself to read the details of the event.

Sunday, nine-thirty, the Ritz, Palm Court.

It sounded exhausting already. But the chance to see Caroline was enough to get him to cave in. “I’ll be there.”

Social events such as the ones Elizabeth loved, Alfie absolutely abhorred. Men and women who were richer than ninety-nine percent of the population. Most of those hadn’t ever had to work a day in their life for said money. They simply won the lottery of life and were born to a family with riches spilling out of their pockets.

Alfie had half a mind to extort all of them for a piece of the pie. Certainly they all had some skeletons in the many closets of their grand estates. But that would be exhausting work as well. And it was enough that he actually agreed to attend the damned thing. He knew that once he said yes to going, he’d have to go. If he didn’t, Elizabeth would be furious and pout when she inevitably showed up at the bakery the next day to pester him.

It was easier just to get it over with. Go for half an hour, mingle, be seen by Richard, speak to Elizabeth, congratulate Caroline, and then he could leave.

Dressed well, Alfie cleaned up a little and wore a derby hat instead of his usual wide-brimmed cap. He wasn’t opposed to wearing nice things; in fact, it was entertaining to show off his wealth sometimes. Even if he didn’t exactly fit the standard of men there. Didn’t fucking matter.

The lavish Palm Court was filled with all of Richard and Elizabeth’s friends, colleagues, and even distant acquaintances. The more the merrier. The French style created a golden, cream hue. Lighting up the atmosphere as champagne was poured and laughter reflected off the many mirrors and chandeliers.

Alfie moved through the crowd of socialites, using his stature to move the chattering heirs. He eventually found his cousin donned in an emerald green dress, a necklace of complementary gemstones, and elbow-length gloves. Buck was not by her side, perhaps having a night off, Richard taking his place. Elizabeth linked arms with her husband, chattering away. Richard smiling and laughing along with her, enamored by his wife’s charm and wit.

“Richard, Liz.” Alfie cleared his throat and swallowed his enormous pride to greet them politely.

“Alfie, so glad you could come.” Richard thanked him for pleasantries with a firm handshake.

“Alfie, I knew you wouldn’t stand us up!” Elizabeth exclaimed happily. “Richard, where is Caroline? Is she nearby?”

“I believe she’s speaking with Mrs. Montgomery. Should I get her?”

“No, no, don’t worry ‘bout it, mate.” Alfie balked and took the excuse not to see the woman. “Might not want to see me here.”

“Pft, nonsense. Misty said she looks a dream and you _must_ congratulate her on her success.” Elizabeth insisted firmly. “Go find her.”

Alfie glanced at Richard who shrugged and pointed to the left of them. “Fine.” He muttered and went to follow his direction. A few feet away, past a few tipsy people was Caroline standing with Pilot by her side. Misty was absolutely correct. The woman looked a sight to behold. No doubt his cousin had insisted she wear something eye-catching. She wore a cream-colored gown that grazed the floor and looked like it was made of pure silk, gleaming in the soft light. Her ash-brown hair was done up in elaborate braids and curls. A gold barrette adorning her hair. A necklace of gold and diamonds rested comfortably against her collarbone.

It was like he’d never seen her before. She was beautiful, there was no doubt, but he wondered what she truly felt about the pomp that his cousin had surrounded her in.

Alfie stopped about a foot away, waiting for her to finish up her conversation with an older woman who looked like she wouldn’t care if she dropped a hundred pounds down the drain.

Pilot glanced up at Alfie, a hint of recognition in his brown eyes, but he remained by Caroline.

Eventually, the woman touched Caroline’s arm and wished her luck. Alfie stepped forward and cleared his throat. “Lot of congratulations are in order, ain’t they?”

Caroline’s face lit up. “Alfie?”

“Surprised I showed up?” He asked sheepishly.

She smiled and turned towards the direction of his voice. “I didn’t think it would be your cup of tea but I hoped you would come.”

It was much more difficult than Alfie anticipated. To hear the breathless excitement in her gentle voice. The hope in her gray eyes. To see her dressed to the nines. He was far too weak. “Well, had to see the woman behind all the buzz.”

She blushed and shrugged. “I think Elizabeth is the buzz, not me.”

“Nah, it’s you.” He smiled.

She bit her painted lip and tilted her head to the side. “Would you escort me outside? I’d like to bring Pilot out and I want to get a breath of air.”

Too weak. “Sure, love.”

She took his arm and he led her out of the room vibrating with voices and music. The lobby was a bit quieter, albeit still lavish and stuffy. It wasn’t until they walked outside were they both able to breathe.

They walked across the street to Green Park. The smaller park framed with trees that were just starting to bud in the young spring months. Caroline let Pilot’s lead a little looser so he could sniff at the grass. His massive paws dragging through the damp grass while Alfie and she walked slowly along the path. Lamps cast a dim glow over the empty park. The stars were dulled but some were visible through the intertwining tree branches.

“Caroline I-”

Alfie began to speak but she interrupted. “Is this park prettier than Camden Gardens?” She asked curiously.

“I uh…” He glanced around the dark park. “Bit plain I s’pose.”

“It’s nearly spring though.”

“Don’t make it pretty.”

She stopped and reached out for his hand. “What makes it pretty?”

He swallowed and stared at her made-up face. Cautiously, he ran his thumb over her smooth cheek. “Its character. Don’t matter how many flowers are out or what the fucking trees look like. S’bout the heart and soul of it. I love Camden ‘cause of the people there. Sure, may not look as good as a place like this, but the people are all snakes, ain’t they?”

“I think you see the worst in the world.” She wrapped her fingers around his wrist so he wouldn’t move his hand from her face. “You see the worst in yourself. You’re blind, Alfie.”

He couldn’t breathe properly. “Can see you.” He mumbled.

“Can you?”

He grunted a confirmation.

“What do you see?” She asked, refusing to drop the issue.

He studied her face as if he didn’t already know what it looked like. As if he were expecting to see something else or something new. But she was as beautiful as he remembered. Tender eyes, clouded over but still receptive. Still full of emotion. Her delicate lips and soft jawline. “I see a woman I would kill to be in love with. A woman who would be the fucking light of my life. The woman I would never fucking tire of. But she’s the woman I can’t have.”

Her lips set firmly and she found his cheek. “Are you looking at me?” She felt the nod of his head. “Then you’re looking at the woman that you already have. You are so much more than the man you think you are. So much better than this awful world we’ve been born into.”

Alfie closed his eyes and leaned into her hand resting on his cheek. “You can’t forgive me sins.”

“No, I can’t. But that doesn’t mean I can’t still care for you. And it doesn’t mean you won’t care for me.”

He forced himself to open his eyes. So weak. “I would protect you to the ends of the fucking Earth.”

A smile formed on her face and she stepped closer to him. “And I’d love you all the way there.”

He chuckled and pressed his forehead to hers. “Your aunt’s going to fucking kill me.”

“Not with me standing in front of you.” She murmured and tilted her head to kiss him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yiddish   
> Zeeskeit: Sweetheart   
> Kuzin: Cousin


	6. Chapter 6

Elizabeth wouldn’t stop rejoicing after he told her what had happened. In fact, it took Alfie a few times to get her to calm down and stop making such a scene.

“Oh, it won’t take long to arrange a wedding. Somewhere outside, the gardens maybe. We’ll make a beautiful chuppah!”

“Hey, now,” He pointed at his cousin when the startling mention of a wedding left her mouth. “’Nough of that nonsense. We ain’t getting married.”

Elizabeth pursed her lips for a second but she couldn’t hold back her excitement. “Oh, but Alfie it’s clear how much you love her!” She gushed. “I can hear it in your voice every time you talk about her.”

Love. Oh boy, if that didn’t send Alfie reeling in a panic. He had spoken about love to her the night before. The night they kissed for the first time. But it was just a word. Elizabeth spoke the word like it was an everlasting commitment. A commitment before the eyes of God. Hardly anything scared Alfie. He’d looked down the barrel of a gun countless times before without fear. Death was merely an old friend that he was waiting to meet up with again. But love. Love made his stomach twist into knots with worry. How terrifying it would be to be in love. The possibility of letting her down. Of never being everything she needed. The inevitable. The day that he simply wasn’t enough and she withdrew. Or God forbid something happened to her because of his foolishness.

“Hush now.” Alfie scolded Elizabeth. “I shoulda never fucking told you anything.”

His cousin pouted and sighed. “Why do you try to fight with every emotion you have?” She asked from her seat by his desk.

“I don’t.” He muttered and tried to busy himself by the filing cabinet. But he wasn’t really doing anything productive. Just picking up some papers, shuffling them around, glancing at the words, and putting them away again.

“Well, you fight every good emotion. You’ve no issue when it comes to anger.” She agreed with a shrug. “But when you have a chance to be happy, you shy away from it. Why are you so afraid of love?”

Alfie sometimes wondered whether Elizabeth’s blindness gave her a higher level of perception. Some sort of energy she picked up from every word he spoke. Maybe that’s why she was such a good socialite. She could read people without even being able to see their face. “Why d’you feel like you can worm your way into me personal life?” He retorted childishly.

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. “Fine. Be like that. Just don’t ask me about how Caroline talks about you.”

He scoffed. “You’re such a little _yenta_. Don’t you have friends to gossip with?”

She looked a little disappointed that her ploy didn’t pan out. “She speaks of you so fondly, Alfie.” Ignoring his comment, she continued on to try and crack him open and get to the soft spot that she knew he had.

But he simply grunted in response.

“Sometimes I ask if we’re talking about the same Alfie because apparently you’re a whole lot nicer to her than you are to me. Says you’re the kindest man she’s ever met and the only person to really treat her so gently without making her feel useless.”

Alfie paused and stared ahead at the clock on the wall. “Well…” He exhaled heavily and shook his head. “Liz, it ain’t right.”

“What?” She demanded. “What isn’t right? That you’ve treated a woman with respect? That you’ve developed feelings for her? You’re not heartless, Alfred, even if you’ve tried to convince the world that you are.” Caroline stood up and wrapped her hand around Buck’s lead. “I think you should step away from who you are when you step inside this bakery. Put yourself back in that moment last night with her. You didn’t walk away, you kissed her. There had to have been some reason and I think you can’t keep running from that reason.” She passed by him and walked out of his office. Leaving him to think.

Alfie left work early. Abandoning Ollie without explanation. Ishmael drove him to Kensington. Since Caroline still lived with Richard and Elizabeth, he’d known her address for months. But he’d kept his distance.

Their building was a multi-leveled apartment with a polished, white exterior. A balcony fixed over the stairs held up by Tuscan orders. When he traveled up the front steps, he noticed a large bouquet left at the door.

Alfie stooped down to pick it up and knocked on the door.

Misty opened the door. The young woman who cared after the house and Elizabeth was familiar with him. And like most of London, she was cautious whenever he stopped by.

“Mr. Solomons, good afternoon.” She smiled politely. “Mrs. Levi isn’t in now, I’m afraid she’s gone on a walk.”

“Hello, Misty. I’m actually after Caroline if she’s in.” He explained feeling very out of place on the front step of the lavish building.

Misty’s eyes went from his face to the bouquet in his hands. “Oh…yes, I believe she’s in the parlor. I’ll fetch her.”

Alfie realized the implications and handed the flowers to her. “Erm, these were left on the porch. Just wanted to bring them in for you.”

“Oh.” A hint of relief passed over her face. “Yes, thank you.” She took the bouquet and went inside, opening the door wider for him. “Come in.”

He stepped inside and waited by the door. He could hear Misty explaining that Alfie had come calling. A few moments later, Caroline came out of the parlor. She was without the aid of her cane or Pilot. Instead, she walked with slight caution, reaching out to touch the doorframe and other guiding points. After months at Richard and Elizabeth’s, she had become familiar with the layout and could find her way around without much issue.

She smiled. “Elizabeth said you’d be around soon.”

Of course, she did. Although Alfie hadn’t specified ever visiting, his cousin knew him well enough to see through his weaknesses. And he had a severe weakness for Caroline. “Can we speak privately?”

“Of course.”

Caroline held his arm, letting him lead her back to the parlor. Pilot was curled up on the rug and lifted his head when he saw the familiar man enter. His tail wagged but he remained still and alert.

Alfie sat beside her on the sofa. A book sat on the coffee table in front of where she’d been sitting before. Grateful for a distraction, he picked up the book and opened it to the marked page.

The pages were lined with braille. He grazed his fingers over the indentations that were unrecognizable to him. When she was younger, Elizabeth had shown how her name and his name felt written in braille. But he hadn’t learned any further.

Misty entered the room with the bouquet of flowers that she had placed in a crystal vase with fresh water. “Miss Ellner, someone left you flowers.” She explained and set the vase down on the coffee table.

The scent of freesia and rose bloomed in the parlor. Caroline reached out to feel the fragile petals between her fingers. “Who sent them?” She asked.

Misty read the card that had been left among the flowers. “A Mr. Thompson.” She answered. “He wrote how he wishes to see you again and hopes you’ll be in touch.”

“Oh, yes.” Caroline nodded. “We spoke at the gala. He was a very nice man. Could you write up a thank you note for him?”

“Yes, miss.” Misty nodded and left the parlor again, shutting the door behind her.

Alfie was seeing red. A man had sent her flowers? A rich man? A man who had tried to woo her at the gala? The outright nerve of such a stuck up, entitled, snake.

Caroline didn’t sense the jealousy positively radiating from Alfie beside her. She simply sighed and plucked the petal from the rose. “How utterly pointless.” She mumbled.

That piqued his interest and he glanced over. “Eh?”

“Oh, I just…I don’t really like receiving flowers as a gift.” She admitted sheepishly. “I understand it was a good gesture. I just…I’d much rather they were left to grow instead of being cut down. I feel like I can’t truly appreciate them when they’re wasting away in a vase.”

“What sorta gifts do you like?” Alfie set down her book. He was mildly pleased to see that she appeared uninterested by Mr. Thompson’s gesture.

“Oh, I don’t necessarily need anything.” She shrugged. “I much prefer spending time with people.”

Since Caroline didn’t explicitly name him as a person she liked to hang out with, Alfie wouldn’t make any assumptions. Instead, he just nodded and scratched his beard. “So…were thinking about that night.”

A small played on her face. “Were you now? Second-guessing kissing the blind girl.”

Even though she spoke with a teasing lilt, his face went a little pink. “No, no…I don’t go ‘round kissing people and then ignore them.” He tried to defend himself.

She laughed and touched his knee. “Alfie, I’m playing with you. Although I was a little worried that you’d maybe-oh I dunno. Maybe you were caught up in the moment and now you’ve got cold feet.”

He touched her cheek and gently guided her so she was facing him. Elizabeth was right. Damn it, she was always right and it drove Alfie fucking insane. But she was. And she was right about Caroline. Alfie tried too hard to push away all the feelings he was told were weak. Love, affection, humility, tenderness. All the things that took away from the steel exterior he’d worked so hard to craft.

But Caroline walked right through that barrier. Passing through as if it were nothing but a thin mist in the air. A simple sheet of silk separating them. She grabbed a hold of his heart and refused to let go.

Alfie sighed and leaned forward to kiss her.

She immediately smiled when she felt the tickle of his beard against her cheek. Their lips molding perfectly together, fostering the warmth between them. Her hand lifting from his neck and rested on the back of his neck. Her light, airy touch caused goosebumps to run down his arms.

When they parted, both of them had been rendered breathless. Caroline laughed softly and pressed her forehead to his. “I guess that answers my questions.”

“Ain’t ever felt the way I feel ‘bout you.” He murmured. “And m’fucking terrified of these feelings. But I can’t stay away from you.”

“Then don’t.” She pressed a few more kisses to his lips. “Stay with me, Alfie.

He swallowed and felt every self-destructive urge bubbling in his throat. Telling him to get up and walk away. He didn’t deserve this. Didn’t deserve her.

“Alfie?” When he had been silent for quite some time, Caroline worried a little. She wasn’t sure whether she had pressed him too much or came on too strong.

“So that Thompson, fella. You weren’t kissing him too, aye?” He teased.

She smiled and shook her head. “I don’t even remember what he said to me. I was too busy hoping someone else would show up.”

He grinned and felt his anxieties fade away. “Oh yeah? Who would that be then?”

“Just kiss me, you silly man.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, I don't plan for this series to be as long as I initially expected. So if it feels a little rushed, it's only because it'll be significantly shorter compared to my other works. If inspiration grabs me then I'll probably do an extension or a one-shot series for Caroline and Alfie.

Julia couldn’t keep cursing. “Please for the love of our Lord above, tell me you’re joking.” The older woman looked at her niece. 

“ _Tante_ , I’ve never felt the way I feel with him. I know you’re trying to protect me but I know that he loves me.” Caroline said gently, leaning forward to try and appeal to her aunt. 

“But I-he’s…” Julia groaned and put her face in her hands. “I suppose I can’t stop you from seeing him, troublemakers that you both are.” She muttered a blessing under her breath. Lord help her. 

Caroline smiled sheepishly. “Is it so bad that I’ve found love?” 

“You’re going to really pull that one on me?” Julia sighed. “Oy, fine. But you are a respectable young woman.” She asserted. “And if I find out that he’s hurt you in any way, he’ll be paying, _fershtay?_ ” 

Her niece beamed and nodded eagerly. “Okay.” She didn’t seem too bothered by the threat. Her Alfie would never bring her harm. She was more than positive. 

Almost every time Alfie came by to visit Caroline, there were flowers on the front step. Every time, he brought them inside for her and every time Caroline dismissed the letter from the same gentleman caller. Mr. Thompson obviously wasn’t getting the hint that she wasn’t interested in the slightest. 

It just so happened that one day, the man was leaving his near-daily bouquet on Caroline’s step when Alfie rolled up. 

“Mr. Thompson, that right?” Alfie stepped out of his car and held Cyril’s leash as the big dog jumped out after him. 

The clean-cut man looked a little startled. “Oh, yes?” He took in the appearance of the Jewish gangster. “I’m sorry I don’t believe we’ve met.” 

“No, mate, we ain’t met before.” He grunted and pointed a ring-covered finger at him. “You’ve been leaving gifts for my Caroline.” 

The possessive tone left the man looking confused. “I wasn’t aware she was betrothed.” 

“Betrothed?” Alfie raised an eyebrow. “Is that what it takes for you to get a clue? Fine then, yeah, mate, we’re betrothed. Gonna be a blowout wedding, although I can’t say you’ll receive an invitation. Friends and family only, you see.” 

The man was thoroughly rattled by Alfie’s presence. “I see...well, I apologize.” 

“No need, mate. Just don’t let me catch you sniffing ‘round here again.” Alfie stepped up to Caroline’s front stoop. “And take the flowers with ya, she don’t care for flowers much.” He didn’t wait for the man to leave, instead, letting himself in with a spare key Caroline had given him. He let Cyril off his lead to go and find Caroline and Pilot. 

“Hello, Cyril!” Her soft voice came from the parlor where she usually was in the afternoons after work. 

Alfie smiled and followed his dog to her. She was cooing over Cyril, scratching his ears and giving him the attention the dog absolutely adored. “Sometimes I think you only like me for me dog.” He teased and sat down beside her. 

“Well, you’re scruffy like he is.” She replied coyly and playfully scratched her nails over his beard. 

“Cheeky girl.” He murmured and pulled her close to kiss her deeply. 

Caroline didn’t hesitate to pull him closer, deepening the kiss as far as she could before they both needed a breath. She touched her forehead to his. “I seem to have missed your marriage proposal to me.” 

That made Alfie jolt a little in surprise. “What?” 

“Well, you were telling Mr. Thompson that our wedding was already planned out.” She replied. 

That’s when Alfie felt a little breeze coming in from the open window behind the couch. A window that pointed towards the front step. “You were listening.” He nodded in understanding. 

“I’m glad you told him off, it’s starting to smell like a funeral parlor in here.” She turned up her nose. 

He chuckled weakly and ran a hand through her curls. “I was only saying it to scare him off.” 

“So you didn’t mean it?” She raised an eyebrow at him. 

That put Alfie in a tough position. Of course, he would bend over backward to marry a woman like Caroline. She was everything he could ever want in a wife. But it was far too soon to be talking about marriage. Even though Alfie was sure that if his mother was still alive, she’d be pushing them both toward the Chuppah after the first week together. The next week she’d be asking about grandchildren. It was a shame the woman wouldn’t see him fulfill her wishes. To have a beautiful Jewish wife and a big Jewish family. 

“‘Course I meant it. Would be a fucking gift to marry you.” He replied gently and kissed her forehead. “Too soon though, innit?” 

“I suppose.” She agreed. “I don’t want to push you into anything. I know I’m not the ideal wife.” 

“Now, hang on.” Alfie stopped her. “Whoever said that is sorely mistaken.” 

She laughed bitterly. “Honestly, Alfie, how do you think I would be a good housewife. I can hardly do the things that are expected of a wife.” 

“What’re the things expected of a wife?” 

She frowned and tilted her head to the side. “Well, cooking, cleaning, I suppose.” 

“Well I can do those things, I’ve looked after meself for quite some time, yeah, I think I can handle it when I’m married s’well.” He scoffed. “‘Sides I have enough money to have someone keep after the house.” 

“Well…” 

“Can I tell you what I expect of a wife?” He grazed his thumb down her cheek. “Truly and honestly?” 

“Sure.” 

“I want a wife who is caring and intelligent. She’s gotta love dogs. Frankly, s’alright if she likes dogs more than she likes me, that I would fucking understand.” 

Caroline giggled and buried her face in the crook of his neck. “You’re just being silly now.” 

“Hang on, not done yet.” He grinned and cradled her close. “She’s got to be strong, strong enough to stand up to an oaf like me. And she’s got to believe that she’s good enough because she fucking is.” 

“Oh, Alfie.” Caroline sighed. “I love you.” 

The words were like a song to him. It didn’t matter how many times she told him, each time it felt better and better. “I love you too.” 

It strangely reminded Alfie of all the times he got in trouble at school. His mother would scold him but often times she was weary from work so her punishments were watered down. Most of his discipline came from his teachers. Never content, young Alfie was restless in the classroom and would often get in fights in the yard. He was all too familiar with the stinging whack of a ruler against his knuckles. He swore he still had scars from some of the worst of the hits. 

Were the punishments effective? No. But at least they stuck with him for some time. He could remember sitting in the sparsely decorated offices of the headmaster. It started as young as when he was unable to touch the floor with his feet while he was sat in the uncomfortable wooden chair. 

A learned, wise, and respected woman like Julia gave off the same energy as those stern teachers. She bathed him in uncomfortable silence, long enough that Alfie was about to speak just to break the tension. 

“Juli-”

“What did I tell you?” She interrupted him. 

He held up a hand. “Hey now, I took a different path home. Ain’t my fault that me cousin got involved. You were the one to agree to that arrangement.” He tried to defend himself. 

“Under the agreement that you would stay away from my niece!” She replied sharply. “My mistake for trusting you for even a second, Alfie Solomons.” 

Alfie groaned and ran a hand over his beard. “Julia, I apologize but I tried. I did as you asked.” 

“She says she loves you.” 

The man paused. “Yeah, yeah she told me that too.” It was one thing to discuss love with the person you loved. It was another thing to discuss that love with a disgruntled relative. “I love her, I don’t know what else to say to you.” 

Julia scoffed. “Love. What do you know about love?” She demanded. “She is innocent and pure. You’ve done nothing but cause trouble in this city.”

“I know enough about love to fucking know that I love her.” Alfie retorted sharply. He didn’t like having his feelings questioned. What did she know about how he felt for Caroline? “It’s simple enough. I love her and she loves me. I think you’re forgetting the fact that you’ve had her sheltered for so long!” 

“Don’t you dare try to question how I raised her.” Julia jabbed a finger at him. “You have no idea what I’ve done for that girl.” 

“She’s an adult, Julia, she has every right to do what she likes. Just ‘cause she can’t see don’t mean you keep her wrapped up tight to protect her from the world.” 

“I’m trying to protect her from men like you.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “Men who will promise her the world but leave her defenseless when he’s lost interest.” 

“I’ll give her the world if she damn well wants it. What’d you want from me, aye? You want me to say I’ll marry her, ‘cause I fucking will!” The words came out on their own and neither of them was expecting it. 

Julia looked taken aback, while Alfie came to terms with the truth. Despite his insistence to Elizabeth, he realized he would marry Caroline in a heartbeat. Maybe commitment was unnerving. But when he thought about forever with her, well, it didn’t seem so frightening. In fact, it sounded too good to be true. 

“I would.” Alfie asserted.

Julia let out a long sigh and put her head in her hands. It was difficult to expect a normal life for Caroline. Without her sight, she couldn’t be anything but vulnerable. But it didn’t take away her will. She had her mother’s spirit and that meant she would never leave Alfie. Just as Monica never left her husband’s side even as they were both dying. So, Julia had two options, if things were to play out as she expected. Caroline and Alfie would elope and Camden Town would be whipped into a frenzy over the news. Or, Julia could facilitate a respectable betrothal and marriage. People would still talk but at least they would be going about it the correct way, traditions and all.

“What do you want for a dowry?”

It was Alfie’s turn to be surprised. His eyes widened and he raised an eyebrow. “S’cuse me?”

“You heard me.” The older woman retorted sharply. “You plan to marry my niece, then we’re doing this properly.” She insisted.

“I uh…” He shook his head. “Don’t need a dowry.”

“Alfred, if you intend to marry Caroline, you better bet it will be according to His will.” Julia assumed that the many Jewish traditions of a wedding would either scare Alfie away or enforce his commitment to Caroline. It was a win-win.

“Alright then.” He nodded, slowly getting over his shock. “Then a proper wedding it’ll be.” They just had to notify the bride. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yiddish:   
> Tante: Aunt  
> Fershtay: Do you understand?


	8. Chapter 8

“You’ve been quiet Alfie.” Caroline usually pointed out any lulls in the conversation. She relied on sound for context. If someone went silent, she couldn’t analyze any subtle expressions on their faces to make conclusions. 

“Hm? Oh, sorry, love.” He cleared his throat and redirected his attention. It had been quite the day after speaking with Julia. They’d agreed on a dowry and she said she would start to make arrangements once Caroline agreed. So, all Alfie had to do now to become one step closer to marrying her, was to ask. Sounded simple enough, but it was indeed a tall order. Especially since he was afraid, she could do much better than him. “Been a bit occupied with me thoughts.” He admitted.

“Why?” Pilot stopped her before they were to cross a street. Even though Alfie was there, the Newfoundland always took it upon himself to make sure he was in charge. He would protect Caroline, it didn’t matter who else was there.

Alfie respectfully waited for Pilot to deem it safe for them to cross. He typically allowed the dog to work at will. It was, after all, what he’d been trained to do. And Alfie knew how much dogs aimed to please. Perhaps that was why he was so fond of them. He appreciated undying loyalty. Now he was by no means as loyal as a dog. His loyalty was selective. Caroline, for example, deserved nothing but staunch faithfulness. Tommy Shelby, on the other hand, could kindly fuck himself when it came to loyalty.

“Alfie?” Caroline prompted again when he failed to respond.

“Sorry, sorry.” He shook his head. “I-er-I probably should inform you of the conversation I had with your aunt.” The two walked through the entrance of Camden Gardens. Anticipating a longer conversation, Alfie found them a spot to sit. Pilot curled up by Caroline’s feet and waited patiently.

“Oh dear, I hope she wasn’t harsh on you.” Caroline’s brow wrinkled. “I spoke with her and she said our relationship could continue. But if she was trying to deter you…”

“No, no, weren’t nothing like that.” Of course, it _had_ been like that. But Alfie wasn’t trying to drive a wedge between her and Julia. “In fact, we came to the same conclusion, wouldya believe it?” He smiled nervously.

Caroline laughed softly. “No, you are both so stubborn.” She teased.

Alfie rubbed the back of his neck. “You ain’t wrong.”

“What conclusion did you reach?” The young woman was hopeful that after her positive conversation with her aunt, things would work out. Although there was always the worry that Julia had managed to sway Alfie’s judgment again and convince him to distance himself from Caroline.

“We…um.” He looked down at his hands once he noticed they were trembling. Why on Earth was it so difficult to ask a simple question? He could storm into battle without a lick of fearful sweat or quivering knees. Yet this one woman had his tongue tied and palms clammy.

Caroline became nervous at his inability to get the words out properly. “Alfie…please don’t tell me you don’t wish to see me anymore because of what my aunt said.” Her voice was soft with anguish.

“No!” He burst out, trying to stop any doubt. “No, no, absolutely not. I wouldn’t allow that to happen. Not again, at least. Fuck, I’m sorry…” He groaned and tried to straighten out his thoughts. “I s’pose I oughta just say it out.” He gently took Caroline’s hand in his. “Your aunt and I spoke and…I’m just repeating meself. I’m sorry.” 

“Alfie,” She squeezed his hand. “Just say it.”

“Would you marry me?”

The shock on Caroline’s face was clear once the five-letter word left his mouth. Marriage. Something they’d discussed but it appeared Alfie was keen on taking things slow. Now after a conversation with Julia, he was prepared to pitch a Chuppah with haste. “Do you-do you want to marry me or did my aunt force you into it?” It had always been a fear of hers. Julia attempted to have Caroline engaged many times but men simply weren’t willing to take on the responsibility of a blind wife. But with Julia’s wealth and influence, it stood to reason that she could twist a man’s arm. However lonely Caroline felt sometimes, the last thing she wanted was to be in a marriage where the man felt trapped.

“She didn’t force me into anything, love. I s’pose…I were tryna prove myself. Prove that I would never abandon you like she thinks I will.” Alfie raised her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “Now I may be rushing into things but I don’t want Julia or you to think that I’m gonna be skipping town one day. I intend to stay beside you, whether you’re me wife or not.”

Caroline’s eyes filled with tears. His words were so genuine, so committed. She nodded. “I’ll marry you.” She whispered, hardly believing the events that just transpired. In just a few moments, with just a few words, their lives had changed so drastically.

“Yeah?” Alfie perked up in surprise.

“Yeah.” She laughed shakily and leaned in to kiss him. “Yes, of course, I will.” Her words crossed his lips with a warm breath.

Alfie could exhale a sigh of relief. As he inhaled, he realized they would be preparing for a wedding. He would be entering a life of marriage very soon. No doubt Julia would hasten the preparations, trying to test Alfie’s loyalty.

“Funny thing ‘bout your aunt. She insisted on a dowry.” Alfie informed his bride-to-be after they drew apart from the kiss.

“A dowry?” She laughed. “Of course, she’s so traditional, I wouldn’t expect nothing less. What did you ask for then?” She asked teasingly.

“Erm…a dog.” He admitted sheepishly. “A mastiff pup. So, I hope you won’t be bothered that we’ll have three large dogs in the house.”

Caroline grinned. “I wouldn’t want it any other way, you silly man.” She murmured and pulled him close for another kiss.

“Heard Julia’s inviting practically all of Camden to the wedding,” Ollie remarked.

It had been a few days since the announcement of the engagement. The community was stunned, to say the least. Despite the rumors about the seemingly odd pair, they didn’t think the relationship would persist. Now that Julia had announced the wedding, people were trying to figure out Alfie’s motives. The man had a reputation for being a clever businessman. And perhaps it was no mistake that he would target the young woman who stood to inherit her aunt’s great fortune. After all, what sort of Jewish bride could Caroline really be? And Alfie certainly wasn’t the sympathetic type so he wasn’t marrying her out of pity. Most in Camden Town didn’t consider Alfie to have normal human emotions. He was a myth, a larger-than-life figure. Rumors of his deeds led people to believe that he was void of compassion and of all things, love.

“Yeah, ‘cause she wants to make sure I won’t fucking run away when the time comes,” Alfie muttered from his desk and handed a few signed documents to his assistant.

Ollie frowned. “You wouldn’t do that though.”

“Damn right I wouldn’t but she don’t know that. This whole fucking town’s been gossiping ‘bout me. Tell ya what Ollie, you can spread this ‘round.” Alfie took off his glasses to look pointedly at the young man. “I ain’t gonna take a single bit of Julia’s money once we’re married. All of it goes to Caroline and that’s that. See what people think once they hear that.” He grumbled and slid his glasses back onto his nose.

“I’ll let them know,” Ollie promised. He knew the man much better than most people of Camden Town. Sure, he saw the worst of Alfie’s temper, but the two had long chats together that revealed the softer nature to the intimidating man. And if anyone spent a day with Alfie, they’d see how Caroline shone a bright light on his heart that everyone assumed was missing. Perhaps in time, they’d see Alfie’s true intentions. But Ollie was afraid that even after the wedding, people would still talk.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a disclaimer, I have never been to a Jewish wedding in my life. I was raised Catholic so I have 0 personal knowledge when it comes to Jewish customs. A lot of what I've learned was from research and chatting with various other people. If I get anything wrong, please point it out to me because I would hate to be disrespectful or incorrect. Thank you!

Waiting the week before one’s wedding was next to torture. Waiting that week without your significant other was even worse.

“Honestly, mate, who the fuck would care if I went to see her?” Alfie lamented to his assistant.

“Julia, probably,” Ollie answered.

His employer gave him a look. “It were a rhetorical fucking question, you git.” He snapped, his eyes narrowing in irritation. “’Course I know she’ll give a fuck.”

“It’s tradition. Sort of like a buildup to what’s to come. I think it’s nice.” Ollie shrugged.

Alfie scoffed in response. “Ain’t nice. Life’s a drag without Caroline.” He muttered and stood up. “Tradition, tradition, tradition. I’ll follow these fucking traditions.” He jabbed a finger at his assistant. “But I’m only doing it for her sake, not to please Julia.”

Ollie couldn’t help but smile. It was endearing to see Alfie so foolishly in love with his bride-to-be. Even in his frustration, Alfie couldn’t go two minutes without showing how devoted he was to Caroline. “You’ve gone a good portion of your life without her.” He pointed out a bit cheekily.

Alfie’s face contorted first into anger but then into a bewildered smile. Indeed, he’d lived the majority of his life without even knowing Caroline existed. And in that time, he’d managed just fine. Never once complaining about being without a woman. But once he met her, his life had changed so drastically. He couldn’t imagine a week without her. He sighed and shook his head. “You’re right.”

It was a bit reassuring, at least his boss wouldn’t kick off more. Ollie sat down across from him. “Don’t you think that this week sort of confirms everything? If it wasn’t a good match, then you wouldn’t want the week to pass by quickly. You’d be indifferent.”

Alfie stroked a hand over his beard thoughtfully and nodded after a moment. “I know I’m making the right choice.” There was no way he would ever question his decision.

“That’s what’s good about this week.”

Ollie’s boss sighed and tousled the young man’s hair. “Go on, get outta here. Go home early.”

He frowned. He couldn't remember the last time Alfie had sent him home early. “Sir?”

“I’ll close up tonight, go on home.”

Ollie smiled gratefully. His wife would be so pleased to have him home to help with dinner and the kids. “Thank you, sir.” He reached back to untie his apron and headed out of the office.

Alfie leaned back in his desk chair and thought about his upcoming nuptials. It was thrilling. Knowing he’d be with Caroline the rest of their lives. Even if forever was a tiny bit frightening, he wouldn’t change it.

Alfie was sweating. At least, he felt like he was. Maybe he wasn’t, it was hard to tell. The room was chilly so why would he be sweating? Maybe because he fully expected his bride-to-be not to show up. Maybe she’d skipped town to avoid him. Maybe she decided to elope with another man. Maybe she realized she deserved much better. All erroneous ideas that Alfie’s frantic mind conjured up. He liked to be assured with himself, it’s how he found most of his fortune. But Caroline was such a beautiful creature that seemed too good to be true.

When Alfie woke up, realizing it was his wedding day, he assumed the worst all at once. Maybe he’d been too cynical for too long.

Family members were waiting in the room along with Alfie, preparing for the Badeken. Ollie was nearby, trying to calm Alfie down as he paced. Finally, the wait was broken and the door opened. First, Elizabeth came in with a great big smile. Buck led her over to Richard and the two exchanged quiet words.

But Alfie wasn’t paying attention to them. He felt like he’d been struck by lightning when he saw Julia leading Caroline in. Pilot walked beside her, on her left as always.

The Jewish gangster’s knees went weak at the sight of her in a modest white gown, A long veil trailing after her. Alfie had to bite his tongue to stop himself from swearing out of surprise. No doubt Julia wanted to keep the moment pure.

Caroline’s ash-brown hair was curled and pinned up underneath the veil and there was a glow about her that Alfie swore had to be holy. “You aren’t saying anything.” She murmured softly. “Do I look alright?” A hand subconsciously went to the satin skirt of her dress.

“Oh love, I ain’t never seen such a gorgeous sight.” He murmured back, his voice catching. The emotions were so overwhelming he nearly forgot they were in a room full of people.

Caroline found his hand. “You’re trembling.” She bit her lip.

“I’m happy…I just never thought I’d be this lucky.” He replied and lifted her hand to kiss her knuckles.

Julia cleared her throat, bringing the couple back to reality and back to tradition.

“Right, sorry,” Alfie mumbled and let go of Caroline’s hand. He carefully lifted the veil and let it hang over her face. A great disservice as far as he was concerned but he knew it would be lifted soon enough. He lowered his head so he could whisper in her ear. “Wanna go get married now, love?”

She giggled softly. “Of course.”

It had been a while since Alfie attended a wedding. In fact, Elizabeth and Richard’s may have been the last one. He couldn’t recall. Anyway, he had to brush up on some of the traditions. They weren’t all that complicated although he wanted to make sure things went right in Julia’s eyes. She wanted traditional.

Elizabeth got some say in the wedding too. She insisted it be held on her and Richard’s property out in Surrey. A beautiful plot of land with sprawling lawns and a nice big estate to match. Julia thought it was a little too pompous but decided not to argue. Caroline seemed pleased with the idea of the ceremony being held outside. Even though it was getting well into fall, it was still sunny and warm enough to hold it outside.

Alfie would’ve made everyone sit out in the snow if it meant Caroline was happy. But instead, they were given a beautiful crisp fall day. Perhaps another indicator from God that the match was meant to be.

Alfie felt much more at ease once they were both under the chuppah. The nerves he had the entire week previously were subdued and he felt like he could actually breathe again. Caroline made it to the canopy with her aunt’s help along with Pilot. Once she was beside Alfie, Julia kissed her cheek and took the Newfoundland off to the side.

As per tradition, Caroline began circling Alfie seven times. One hand held up the hem of her dress, the other touched Alfie to make sure she wasn’t walking off course. With each pass, she whispered a soft message of affection to her husband-to-be. He smiled and felt his heart swell with love and pride.

Once the rite was finished. Alfie produced the ring from his pocket. It was a simple band, seeing as it was against Jewish law to have anything gaudy or showy under the chuppah. Nothing like the diamond he had waiting for her inside Elizabeth’s estate. Carefully locked away in the room they would spend time alone in.

After the betrothal blessings, Alfie and Caroline listened to friends and family recite the Sheva Brachot. Not that Alfie wasn’t glad to listen to the beautiful blessings. He was just never a patient man and was itching to spend some time with his wife.

Finally, Alfie had the pleasure of breaking a glass and the lawn erupted with happy bouts of congratulations. The couple would have to refrain from displays of affection until later. Alfie was sure he’d get an earful if he kissed his bride under the chuppah.

“Mazel Tov, Alfie!”

“Mazel Tov, Caroline!” The guests exclaimed as the two made their way from under the canopy. Alfie couldn’t get the big grin off his face as he held his wife’s hand. His wife. His perfect, gorgeous, Jewish, wife. The epitome of the woman his mother wanted him to end up with. He would be eternally happy now that he had the love of his life always by his side.

Once they were freed from friends and family giving hugs and kisses, Alfie and Caroline escaped to one of the rooms upstairs in the estate. Once the door was closed, he scooped her up bridal style and kissed her. She was breathless, giggling euphorically against his lips.

“Fucking hell, I thought I’d never get me hands on you.” He growled playfully. “Spend a whole fucking week waiting. Thought I were gonna have a heart attack.”

Caroline laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck as he sat down on the edge of the bed with her resting on his lap. “Patience is a very good quality to have, Mr. Solomons.”

“I ain’t ever been patient, Mrs. Solomons.” He replied and pulled her in for another deep kiss. He lost himself in her touch for a moment, completely high off the feeling. It had to be real because he’d never had such a wonderful dream before. Whent they parted, Alfie touched his forehead to hers. “Let’s just skip this reception, yeah? Commandeer a car and head back home.”

Caroline smiled and shook her head firmly. “We have family and friends who came all this way.” She reminded him. "It would be extremely rude to leave them."

“Well, they’ve seen the show, haven’t they? We did the ceremony, all the bells 'n whistles, right? They won’t miss us down there.” He drew her in for another kiss.

She laughed and playfully pushed his face away, knowing he was trying to convince her to leave. “I’m fairly sure they’ll notice the bride and groom missing. It is our wedding after all, silly man.”

He made a sound of displeasure and buried his face in the crook of her neck.

“We’ll have all the time in the world together. You can’t put on a smile for one night?” She murmured.

He grunted but caved in, lifting his head. “If it’ll make you happy.”

Her gray eyes were shining with adoration. “It will.”

“Alright, then. I’ll put on a smile.”

She lifted her hands to touch his cheeks. Her fingers brushed over the creases in his skin as he smiled, the scruffiness of his beard, and the lingering scar across his right cheek. “You’re so beautiful.” She murmured.

Overwhelmed with love, Alfie couldn’t get any words out. He simply lifted her hand and kissed her palm. He thought it was perfect how he was able to cradle his entire world in his arms. Because that’s what Caroline was from there on out. His entire world. 


	10. Chapter 10

“Whoa, whoa, hang on there!” Alfie chuckled as he just barely snatched the collar of the pup before he could barrel off. “You’ll get to meet her soon enough. Can’t blame ya though, she is lovely. You’re gonna love her.”

After the wedding, Caroline had gone ahead to Margate for their impromptu honeymoon. Alfie offered to take her somewhere a bit more exotic, but she insisted on staying close to home. As she got settled, Alfie retrieved his dowry from Julia and delivered it the next morning.

The mastiff puppy was all legs with massive paws. He was awkward in his gait but good-spirited and gentle as well.

Alfie gathered the pup in his arms and carried him inside. “Caroline?”

“I’m in the parlor!” She called.

Cyril came trotting over and sniffed at the little furry bundle in Alfie’s arms. “Right, right, you two’ll get acquainted soon. Let me pass then.” He skirted around the massive dog.

“Guess what I’ve got, love.”

Caroline closed her book and beamed. “What’ve you got?”

Alfie sat down beside her on the couch and guided her hand to the pup in his arms.

Her mouth opened in disbelief once she felt the silky-smooth fur. “Is this the newest addition to the Solomons household?” She gasped. “Oh Alfie, how does he look?”

“He’s a beaut. Perfectly healthy” He replied and moved her hand to the pup’s paws. “Got these big paws.”

She giggled. “Oh, he’s so soft. Hello, lovey.” She cooed and lowered her face to get a kiss from the puppy. “What’ve you named him then?”

“Well, I figured we could come up with something together.” Alfie chuckled as Pilot and Cyril eyed the puppy from across the room. “Now there’s no need to get jealous, you two.”

“Oh, Pilot, I’d never replace you. We’ll all be a big happy family from now on. That’s all.” The Newfoundland seemed a little miffed at the attention Caroline was giving the pup and decided to sulk off to a corner. “Is he pouting at me?”

Alfie laughed. “He’s certainly not pleased. Give it time, I’m sure they’ll all learn to be brothers soon enough.”

“What color is he?” Caroline scooped up the puppy, smiling as he licked her cheek.

“Black and white. They call ‘im a harlequin mastiff.”

“Hm…What should we name you?” She murmured to the pup. He yawned and curled up in her lap, tired from the drive. “What about a stately name, huh?”

“Stately?” Alfie chuckled. “What, like some sort of mythical creature?”

“Well, he is our dowry, it’s got to be special!” She protested.

“Alright, love, you give him a stately name then.”

Caroline thought to herself for a moment, stroking her hand over the puppy’s fur. “What about Apollo?”

“Apollo, eh?” Alfie fixed the dog’s ear that had flipped over in his frenzy to greet Caroline. “Big name, guess he’ll grow into it. You gonna name all our kids after Greek gods, then?”

Caroline went to laugh but realized she was caught off guard by the mention of kids. “Well, I…we haven’t discussed children.” She reminded him.

Her husband went a bit quiet. It was something that was naturally assumed in the Jewish community. Get married, have as many babies as possible. Since they’d gone through with traditions, maybe Alfie had gotten a little caught up in everything. Or perhaps it was because he knew Caroline would be a wonderful mother. Maybe he had been fostering the idea of having children of his own. His own blood. His pride and joy.

“I’m sorry, I just,” Alfie rubbed the back of his neck. “I didn’t mean to spring it on ya. Just got married ‘n everything.”

“Well I suppose it would’ve been brought up one way or another.” Caroline smiled. “If not by us then by our family.”

“They will be expecting children.” He agreed. “But that doesn’t mean we have to-you know…”

“No, I know.” She got a little flustered. “I know that it’s our choice. I think you’d be a great father I just think I would-” She swallowed.

“Love,” Alfie touched her cheek and guided her eyes to his. “What’re you thinking?”

“Honestly, Alfie, how good of a mother do you think I could possibly be?” She asked quietly, shame apparent in her voice. “How can I look after children?”

“Well, it won’t be typical but we can work through it. You ain’t ever been limited when you want to do things, love. Why do you doubt yourself now?” Alfie murmured, his thumb stroking soothingly over her cheek.

“Because it’s other lives. It’s not just myself, it’s children that need tending to. If I fail then I fail them too.”

“You wouldn’t though. We’ll have help in the flat, in fact, we can move to a bigger place. You like that? Somewhere out in the country? Have more space? We’ll have help twenty-four/seven in the home for you and the kids.”

The illusion that Alfie was painting was enticing. More space for the children to run around with the dogs. Their laughter filling the space, the scent of lavish gardens wafting through the open windows.

But Caroline knew she wasn’t the typical wife and would never be the typical mother. “I would never be able to see how beautiful they were.” She whispered tearfully. “I’d never be able to see how much they look like you. How could I explain to them that I can’t see?”

Alfie’s heart fell when he saw how upset she became. He wanted to reassure her that things like that didn’t matter. What mattered was her love and how caring she was. But how could he convince her when he didn’t know what she went through? Instead, he gently took Apollo from her lap and set him on the rug. Then, he pulled her in close for a hug. “I’m sorry, let’s not talk about it right now. We can discuss it later if you want or we can drop it for good.”

Caroline cried into his shirt. “I want to be normal for you, Alfie.”

“Hey, hey, none of that. What’s normal, aye?” He pressed his lips to her temple and rubbed her back. “I wouldn’t want you any differently, love. You’re my perfect Caroline. If I could gift you sight, then I would in a heartbeat. I’d give up me own fucking sight for you if I could. But you’re the way that you are and I’m the way that I am. Husband and wife, yeah? Right, and that’s perfect for me. What about you?”

She swallowed her tears and nodded. “It’s perfect, Alfie, it’s perfect.” She found his face and kissed him softly.

Being intimate with Alfie Solomons was an entirely new experience for Caroline. It was one thing to kiss him and be held in his arms. But consummating the marriage was a test of their trust. Caroline relied on his touch and soft sounds that were rare from him. In fact, behind a closed door, it appeared that Alfie’s entire armor designed to keep the world back melted.

Caroline often wondered if he would be rough. He never had been before with her. But he was a man that craved dominance. A man of his standing didn’t get to where he was by being passive and meek.

But there was a side to Alfie that she’d seen plenty of times before. The subdued man who desired domesticity and the affection of someone who truly adored him. The Holy Grail, for a man like him.

It was true that he was a dominant figure. But it was enough that Caroline trusted him to deliver her to safety. He knew it wasn’t easy for her to lay down her defenses. After all, she tried so hard to make herself independent in a world that wasn’t made with her disability in mind.

So, the two who were both fiercely independent met at the middle. Laying down their defenses and allowing the other to guide them to warmth and acceptance. Because at the end of the day, that’s what they gave each other. Trust, love, and acceptance.

And in that moment, that was the only things left in the room. Stripped bare, a thin sheet of sweat traveling down her spine as Caroline rocked slowly in Alfie’s lap. His strong arms locked around her, his fingers pressing in between her vertebrae.

When she let out a soft moan, Alfie moved his hand up to the nape of her neck, cradling her close. “Okay?” He grunted quietly.

She nodded; a bit too overwhelmed by her senses to answer with coherent words. She pressed her forehead to his shoulder and dragged her nails over his shoulder blades.

“Let go, love, I’ve got you.” He assured her. “Let go.”

Caroline’s eyes shut tightly and she whimpered. “Alfie.”

“Yeah, love, I know.” His hands fell to her hips, guiding her right into her release when she lost control of her movements. Her fingernails dug into his skin and she threw her head back with a cry. Alfie buried his face in the crook of her neck, kissing and sucking on her skin as he met his peak as well.

He patiently held her as she came down from the high. Exhausted, she slumped into him, breathing hard.

“I love you.” She whispered.

“I love you too.” He murmured and adjusted them so he could draw the sheets over her. He kissed her forehead and cheeks a few times as her heart rate slowed down. “You’re so beautiful.” He murmured.

“So are you.” She replied and captured his lips again. 


	11. Chapter 11

“Aw, see now that’s a picture.”

Caroline smiled as she bent down to slip off her shoes. She placed them to the side and sunk her toes into the sand. Even though it was fall, the sand still absorbed what was left of the summer sun. She sighed happily and enjoyed the feeling that was so foreign to city-living.

Alfie stood back watching his wife bask in the sun. The setting was beautiful. He was sure any painter would bend backward at the chance to use her as their muse. She wore a long skirt and blouse with a wool coat over top. Her hair was pinned up beneath her headscarf. It was a fairly new tradition for them now that Caroline was a married woman. Jewish law ruled that she had to cover her hair. 

The morning after their wedding, She had sat on the bed trying her best to properly fix the scarf with pins in her hair. But the smooth material kept slipping and she couldn’t manage her way without being able to see the pins.

Frustrated, she asked Alfie to help. Going off the memory of how other Jewish women in Camden wore their hair, he fixed the scarf for her.

Caroline had laughed softly and promised she would get the hang of it soon enough. But as Alfie knelt in front of her, he realized he would gladly give up five minutes every day to fix his wife’s hair.

Cyril and Apollo were chasing each other around, barking and kicking up sands as they plowed along back and forth across the shore. Pilot dutifully laid down beside Caroline. His ears perked up whenever one of the dogs barked but he didn’t move.

“Will you walk to the water?” Caroline reached out an arm to her husband.

“It’ll be cold.” He warned but took her arm.

“It’s always cold.” She smiled and walked beside him. Pilot lifted himself up and trotted after them, nosing at Caroline’s skirt.

She began to feel the sand dampen under her feet as they got closer to the water’s edge. Alfie stopped and waited for the low tide to roll in and tickle her toes. She jolted a bit in surprise then giggled. “That isn’t cold, it’s freezing!”

“Well, I did warn ya, love.” He reminded her.

Cyril and Apollo came zooming in front of them, sprinting through the water and splash Alfie, Caroline, and Pilot.

Alfie swore and Caroline laughed. Her laugh was enough to make him smile. Pilot shook the water droplets off his heavy coat and pressed his nose to his owner’s hand.

“Let’s go sit, me hip is starting to give me trouble.” Alfie led Caroline over to where the sand was dryer. “Starting to be that time of year again.” He helped her sit first before settling down on the sand beside her with a grunt.

“A bath will do you some good.” She cuddled into his side.

“You think? Yeah, well, s’a fucking big tub in there. You could join me.” He said casually, with just a hint of mischief in his voice.

“Alfie Solomons.” She giggled sheepishly and smacked his arm.

“Purely for conserving some water, love, that’s all.” He replied cheekily.

“Got your head in the clouds.” She teased and found his cheek to kiss softly.

“Hey, I’m on my fucking honeymoon with my beautiful wife. My head can be in the clouds s’long as I want.” He murmured and tipped her chin up so he could kiss her proper.

Neither of them saw or heard Apollo run up behind them and crash between them. His tail wagging, the big pawed puppy scrambled up Alfie’s chest to lick his face.

“Oi, oi! Go play with Cyril, I don’t want ya fucking kissing me.” He picked up the pup and placed him on his feet away from them. “Go play.” He pointed toward Cyril who was sniffing at a clump of seaweed.

Apollo barked and took off toward the bullmastiff, his legs flailing out in a disarrayed gait.

“Gonna take a team or professionals to train that dog,” Alfie muttered.

“My aunt’s trainers will be perfect for him,” Caroline assured him. “He’s eager, that’s all,” Alfie grumbled in response. She held his hand, grazing her thumb over his knuckles. His skin was rough from working and old scars. She could feel every flaw in his skin, even the slight raise of his tattoo. The map of a man with a tough exterior. Callouses, scars, and abrasions. “I have to tell you, you surprised me last night.”

“Last night? Why?” He asked. Suddenly he was afraid that he’d done something wrong to put her off.

“Well I-I know you’re not as harsh as you come across to other people. But I thought that maybe, I dunno, maybe you’d be rougher with me.” She admitted shyly. Love and intimacy weren’t things openly talked about in their community. That was purely between a wife and husband. But Caroline knew that it would take some time before she was accustomed to talking about sex out loud. She had to remember that Alfie was probably the least judgmental person in her life and she could talk to him about anything. Especially about the moment they shared the night before. Still, her cheeks went red.

Alfie’s brow furrowed. “Why would I want to be rough with you?” He asked. The thought never crossed his mind even for a second. Seeing his wife giving herself up to him, being extremely vulnerable, trusting him to take care of her, to show her something she’d never experienced before.

“You just seem…” She laughed nervously.

“Dominant.” He finished for her. He kept his tone gentle as to not shame her for speaking so openly to him. In fact, he was happy she trusted him so much to talk about something that was normally kept quiet.

“Yes.” She chewed on her lip.

“Maybe out in the business world. Sorta hafta be, don’t I? Can’t let other people walk all over me, can I?” He encased her hand in his. “But you don’t walk all over me. You and I, we’re equals, ain’t we?”

“Equals?” She raised an eyebrow in disagreement. “I don’t think…”

“Husband and wife. You need me and I need you. Mutual relationship, we’re equals.” Alfie boiled it down simply with a shrug. “I ain’t never gonna think I’m above you. Why would I? You’re intelligent, caring, selfless, beautiful, sweet-”

Caroline laughed softly and interrupted him before he could take up the rest of the hour praising her. “Well, I’ll never see myself above you. You’re clever, smart, gentle, kind, handsome, perfect in every way.”

He smiled. “Then we’re equals.”

“I suppose so.” She murmured.

Pulling her closer, he kissed her forehead. “I wouldn’t want to be rough with you.” He continued. “Just want you in me arms at the end of the day.”

“I’d like that very much.”

“Good. Then it’s settled.”

Alfie spent the next morning on the phone with Ollie. He’d only meant to check in with his assistant to make sure things were running smoothly. Unfortunately, things were not running smoothly. There was an attack on a few of Alfie’s bookies, an attempt to scare them away from the track. It was most certainly the Italians. The Irish were too busy with Tommy Shelby to target Camden Town. Sabini, however, had more than enough time to harass Alfie’s bookies.

After speaking with Ollie, Alfie hung up and started to make calls to remedy the situation. Setting up parlays and counterattacks. It was a bit harder when he wasn’t there in the middle of the action. He was so much more effective when he could yell and throw things. Over the phone he wasn’t as intimidating.

Caroline came into the room about an hour after Alfie sat down at his desk. She looked worried, concerned that something was wrong back home.

He set his phone aside when his wife walked in. “Yeah, love, you alright?”

“Yes, I was just wondering if you were. You’ve been in here for a while.” She reached out to touch the desk, finding her way around to Alfie’s leather desk chair.

He turned and rested his hands on her hips. “I know, I’m sorry. Won’t be much longer, just taking care of a few things.”

“Do you need to go back home?”

He frowned. “’Course not. I ain’t cutting our honeymoon short.” He promised.

“Alfie, if something’s wrong and you need to take care of it, I don’t mind. I understand if-”

“Love, you don’t hafta worry.” He shook his head. “I’ve called in reinforcements. Granted, I’m taking a risk but I think it’ll pay off.”

That didn’t sound too reassuring to her. “Who?”

“Tommy Shelby. He’s always looking to have a little fun causing trouble. He can cause trouble for Sabini for me.”

“Alfie…are you sure?” Caroline didn’t know much about the Peaky Blinders. Only what she heard in passing from Alfie and brief whispers. They were Brummies who were gaining a lot of power, according to some sources. Alfie didn’t seem too worried about them, there were closer threats. But he had mused at their usefulness. Mostly to Ollie, not to his wife. Best to keep men like Tommy Shelby away from her. 

“If they want to raise a little hell for Sabini, then that only helps me.”

Caroline sighed and rested her hands over his. “I trust you but I would exercise some caution.”

“I always do, love.” 


	12. Chapter 12

“How was Margate?” Elizabeth was instantly on Caroline’s case the second she entered the office.

Caroline smiled and allowed the secretary to take her coat and hat. “Oh, it was lovely. Got a little chilly at the end but Alfie didn’t seem to mind much.” Pilot led her over to her desk that Elizabeth was perched on.

“I’ll have you know that man hasn’t been on holiday for more than a week. And you managed to get him away from the bakery for over two weeks!” Alfie’s cousin exclaimed. “Truly a special woman, you are.”

Caroline’s cheeks went red and she smiled sheepishly. “I think he was the one prolonging the honeymoon, he didn’t want to seem to come back to London.” She laughed softly and shook her head.

“So, are you settled in? Did you forget anything at our flat? I told Richard to double-check that all of your things were moved in carefully.” Elizabeth asked, gently stroking Buck’s head.

“Well, Alfie’s being a little cryptic.” She admitted. “Says that there’s no need to get settled so soon. I’ve no idea what he’s on about.”

“Perhaps he’s making a move. Wouldn’t that be nice? He’s lived in that flat ever since he saved up enough to live on his own. Hardly the place for three dogs and a beautiful new wife.”

“I think it’s cozy. Doesn’t get cold.” Caroline shrugged and sighed. “I’m afraid he feels like he’s got to spoil me at every turn. I’ve told him there’s no need but he insists.”

“He’s got the money, Carrie, he ought to spend it on you!” Elizabeth exclaimed. “Who else would he spend it on?”

She laughed but it faded quickly because it sparked something that she and Alfie had spoken about at Margate. “Lizzie…I hope I’m not being nosy or…” Caroline chewed on her lip and wrung her hands together.

“Oh, darling, there isn’t anything you could say that would offend me. Out with it.” Elizabeth insisted. “We’re practically sisters at this point.”

“Well…Alfie and I discussed-I mean it’s only prudent that we should discuss-” Caroline cleared her throat and felt her face heating up with embarrassment. “After all we were-it was our honeymoon.”

Elizabeth smiled and hopped down from her spot on the desk. She sat down across the desk from Caroline and reached out to touch her arm. “It’s okay, I’m not here to judge you.” She assured her gently.

Caroline laughed nervously. “We talked about children. I was just wondering if you and Richard ever talked about the possibility.”

“It’s only reasonable.” Elizabeth agreed. “Being a married couple and all. My philosophy in life is that I’ll take things as they come. Should I become pregnant then I’ll take on the challenge. It won’t be easy for either of us but it doesn’t mean we couldn’t be good mothers.”

“But to go our whole lives never seeing our own children.” Caroline decided there was no use skirting around her emotions. She could speak to Alfie about her concerns, but Elizabeth would know exactly what she was going through. With Alfie, it was tough to make him understand, although she didn’t fault him.

“Is it any different from never seeing our parents? Our husbands?”

“Well, I-no but I just thought since…” She sighed. “A child would be a part of us.”

“Yes, but nevertheless we are good daughters and nieces and wives. Children would be just another adjustment to life. We’ve been adjusting to everything every day, haven’t we? Navigating the world differently than others. But we make it work because we have to. Now we don’t have to have children but dig down deep. Ask yourself this, if you gained your sight tomorrow, would you question your ability as a mother?”

Caroline was quiet for a moment. Pilot rested his chin on her thigh. “I suppose not.” 

“So why question yourself now?”

She smoothed her hand over Pilot’s shaggy ears. “I don’t know. I just thought…”

“You thought what others would think. Others who barely know anything about us. All they know is that we’re blind. So, they assume we’re not fit to be mothers. What do they know?”

Caroline smiled. “You are truly something else.”

“Lots of people say that about me.” Elizabeth teased. “Sometimes it’s good sometimes it’s bad. But I take it all in stride because that’s all I can do.” She stood up and grabbed a hold of Buck’s harness. “If you ever doubt yourself, go to your husband. That man would never lie to you.”

Alfie was given the task of taking care of Apollo while Caroline was working. He brought the puppy and Cyril to the bakery. The older dog was starting to get used to the little guy. He tolerated Apollo chewing on his ears and trying to kick up a fuss with him.

Alfie tried to get Apollo settled in his office but the mastiff wasn’t having it. He zoomed around the small space, trying to teeth on anything that wasn’t bolted down. He barked at any little noise and whined when Alfie wasn’t paying attention to him.

“Fucking hell, you’ve got some energy, aye?” Alfie stood up and decided to take the pup out for a walk to try and get his jitters out. Cyril was content to stay behind and get some peace and quiet, so Alfie set out with the puppy.

Apollo tugged at his lead so hard that Alfie was genuinely afraid he was going to choke himself. It had been a while since Alfie had scooped up Cyril off the muddy streets of Camden.

Cold and shivering, he’d brought the bullmastiff puppy home and nurtured him back to health. Cyril was very subdued and a little wary of the big man so he didn’t act out too much. Alfie had gotten some tips for training from Julia and Cyril was a natural. A loyal dog to a strong and affectionate authority figure.

Apollo, was very different. He had more than twice Cyril’s energy and didn’t seem to care if he disobeyed Alfie. He was a sweet pup but very naughty.

Alfie, however, kept his patience and continued to remind the dog to heel. Eventually, they stopped to give Alfie’s arm a break.

“Right, sit, Apollo,” Alfie spoke firmly and held up his hand along with the command.

The mastiff’s entire body was vibrating with energy, his tongue lolling out as he panting excitedly. He danced on his paws, ready to bolt at any second.

“Apollo.” Alfie gave him a warning tone. “Sit.”

The puppy cocked his head to the side but seemed to understand well enough. They had, after all, been working on the command for a couple of weeks. So, he parked his bum on the sidewalk, his tail continuing to wag.

“There ya go. Not so tough, is it?” Alfie nodded, impressed by the progress. “Just takes some patience. C’mon then, rascal.” He began to walk back to the bakery with Apollo.

Ollie was waiting by his office when they returned. “I’ve got some telegrams from bookies. They’re saying Sabini’s men are getting worse.” He looked a tad worried.

Alfie snatched the papers from his assistant. “Right, I’ll handle it.” He mumbled and let Apollo off his lead. The pup launched himself at Ollie, trying to get a bite out of the loose ends of the man’s apron. “How’re the little ‘uns?” He asked the younger man as he sat down at his desk, glancing through the telegrams.

“Erm, alright.” Ollie batted the pup away but Apollo was relentless. It wasn’t strange for Alfie to ask about his children. But it was odd for him to ask when he just received news that Sabini was ramping up his violence. Usually, it was a discussion for when things were quieter.

Alfie grunted in acknowledgment. He tossed the telegrams to the side and stroked his beard. “Caroline and I were discussing children. At Margate. What’d you think, Ollie, be honest then, could I be a father? I mean, fucking hell I never thought I’d ever be fucking married.”

Ollie managed to get Apollo’s attention turned onto Cyril. “Why don’t you think you’d be a good father, sir?” He asked and hesitantly went to sit.

He scoffed and shook his head. “You thick, boy? Look at who I am. I’ve got a fucking wop threatening to take me out by the canal and blow me brains out.”

Ollie shrugged. “Weren’t you worried about the same thing with Caroline?” He reminded him as gently as he could. The young man wasn’t looking to get a smack upside the head for being honest.

Alfie muttered something under his breath and scratched at his cheek. “ Not exactly…nurturing.”

His assistant nodded towards the two dogs wrestling with each other. “You’ve got dogs.”

“Yeah, I’ve got fucking dogs, I’m talking about human children, mate.”

“Well…” Ollie’s lips quirked up in a funny smile. He knew that his wife would berate him if she ever heard what he was about to say next. “Raising children and raising pups. Not too different.”

Alfie couldn’t help but bark out a laugh. “You fucking pulling my leg, Ollie boy?”

“I mean before they can talk.” Ollie rolled his eyes. “All you really have to do is take care of their needs and they’re happy as can be. Then they start talking but by then you’ve got the whole routine down. I really don’t think you’d be a terrible father, sir.”

His boss sighed and shook his head. “I think you’re just having a laugh.” He waved the man away. “Go on, fuck off. You’ve got work to do.”

Ollie smiled slightly and stood up, adjusting the ties of his apron. “By the way, there was a telephone call from someone named Mr. Graves. I said you’d call back if you recognized the name.”

“Ah, yes. I’ll give him a ring. Ollie, gather a couple of me strongest men, arm them, and have them report to me.”

“Yes, sir.” Ollie nodded and closed the office door behind him.

Alfie made a note to call Mr. Graves back about a property outside London. He chuckled when Apollo attempted to jump up onto his lap. “Raising kids is like raising dogs, fucking hell, that daft boy.” He shook his head and allowed the pup to curl up on his lap.


	13. Chapter 13

“Did you forget to tell me where we were going?” Caroline wondered as Alfie helped her into the backseat of the car, Pilot following close behind.

“Did I?”

She sighed and rolled her eyes. “So, you’re being coy.”

“Coy? Love, I didn’t tell ya because we’re not going anywhere particularly special, right? A Sunday drive, as it were.” He replied, settling down in the backseat with her.

“A Sunday drive? I don’t believe for one second that Alfie Solomons would ever want to go for a Sunday drive. I think he would assume it’s a waste of time.” She responded.

“Clever lass, I can never pull the wool over your eyes, aye?” He chuckled.

“Well, I am blind so it wouldn’t matter either way.”

He laughed and unfolded his newspaper, slipping his glasses on. “Cheeky.” 

Caroline smiled. “So where are we actually going?” She inquired as the car began to pull out from the curb.

“I’ve got business out in Essex.”

“Essex?” She asked in disbelief. “Why so far? What business do you have there?”

“Are you all questions today?” Alfie tried to skirt around her suspicion because he was hoping to surprise her.

“Are you avoiding my questions?”

He folded up his newspaper and tapped her on the knee with it. “Best to enjoy the moment sometimes, love.”

“Mhm, so you are avoiding them.” She sighed and stroked Pilot’s fur. “Alright, I’ll play along.”

Alfie smiled and leaned over to kiss her cheek. “Just enjoy the ride, we’ll be there in an hour or two.” He promised. "I'll read the news to you." 

"Oh joy." She gave him a look that made him let out a hearty laugh. 

Tired from the long drive, Caroline yawned and stepped out to stretch. “Where are we?” She asked. The imposing smell of coal and smoke from the city was gone. She stepped into a new environment, one that smelled of freshly cut grass and roses.

“Mr. Solomons.” A man who had been waiting walked up to them.

“Mr. Graves.” Alfie shook the man’s hand. “This is me wife, Caroline.”

“A pleasure.”

“Likewise,” Caroline replied but was still perplexed. She had no clue where they were or what they were doing there. 

Alfie, on the other hand, was mildly impressed. He didn’t like to parade his wealth like a certain Peaky Blinder. He appreciated comfort and jewels. But he felt that Caroline deserved much more than the modest lifestyle in Camden Town. She deserved a haven. Sure, they had Margate, but Alfie wasn’t satisfied. That’s why he called Mr. Graves about a home outside of the city. Somewhere larger and beautiful. A full garden and plenty of space for the dogs to run. It wouldn’t be too far from Margate and he was confident she could still work alongside Elizabeth.

“Well, how do you like the look of it?” Mr. Graves asked, turning to look at the large manor they were standing in front of. “Three stories, seven bedrooms.”

Caroline’s jaw dropped. “Wha-hang on.” She tugged on Alfie’s hand. “Seven bedrooms? What is he talking about?” She asked quietly.

“Erm, was thinking of investing in some real estate, love. We’re at the place I were thinking of buying.” He explained a bit sheepishly. It certainly wasn’t the reveal he was hoping for but it would do.

“But I-what on Earth are we going to do with seven bedrooms?” She exclaimed.

Mr. Graves chuckled. “You’re a young couple, I’m sure you could host many parties there are seven rooms for entertaining. A lovely patio for the summer. The lawn space could also accommodate a tent for a special occasion.”

Caroline was still trying to process everything. “So, this-you’d like to live here?” She asked Alfie.

“Part of the time. I mean we’ll keep the flat in London and the home in Margate. But I thought maybe…” He shrugged and squeezed her hand. “It is beautiful, love. I’d love for you to have a nice place like this.”

She had to take a few breaths. “Well, I suppose when we have children, they’ll fill the space.”

Alfie grinned. When they had children, not if. “Right, plenty of room to run ‘round screaming.”

“I hope they won’t be that loud.” She giggled.

“Oh, love, they’ll be my kids, won’t they?” He teased. “’Course they’ll be fucking loud.”

Caroline smiled. “I suppose you’re right.”

“Let me show you around.” Mr. Graves offered and led the couple inside.

After viewing most of the grounds, Alfie and Caroline walked out the back doors to the garden.

“Don’t you think I’ll get lost here?” Caroline asked her husband.

“I think I might get lost ‘round here.” He chuckled and brought her out to the patio. “But it is quite a place.” He looked out over the expansive lawns. The gardens were a bit overrun. According to Mr. Graves, the family that owned the estate previously had gone bankrupt because of the Depression so it had been a few months since it had been inhabited.

“Alfie, I’m flattered by the gesture, but don’t you think it’s a little much? We could just get a small cottage.”

There was a small stone bench by the garden. He guided Caroline to sit beside him. “How’d we fit our big Jewish family inside a little cottage? It's best to have space for Solomons children. Mum always said we're a fucking restless bunch once we start getting the hang of walking.”

“So…you were being serious out there then?”

Alfie swallowed. Had she been kidding around with him? “Erm-well yes.” He admitted, not too worried if he put his foot in his mouth but being honest.

“Oh.” Caroline sat with the admission. She had been serious too but assumed he’d been joking around with her. After all, they’d left the conversation about children a little open-ended. But after talking to Elizabeth, she’d become more serious on the subject. She’d just yet to tell her husband.

“Were talking to Ollie.” Alfie rubbed his beard. “And I suppose, yeah, we were discussing the potential of me being a father. He was being a little fucking ridiculous, to be frank, but I s’pose he made a few good points.” He shrugged.

“I spoke to your cousin about it, having children, I mean,” Caroline answered and wove her fingers in with his. “About the possibility of motherhood while still being blind.” She sighed. “It’s scary, Alfie, I won’t lie to you about it. But I also want to have a family with you. There’s nothing else I would want more than to give you children. And I know I won’t be the typical mother but I want-” Her voice broke and she laughed weakly at herself. “You’ll think I’m so silly.”

“Caroline, nothing you’ve ever said to me has been silly.” He replied softly and squeezed her hand to reassure her. “You can tell me, right, you know that. I ain't never gonna laugh at something you want.”

“I want to know what it’s like to be a mother.” She looked sheepish, ducking her head with her cheeks turning pink. 

“Now why is that silly, aye? We’re a married couple, right, we ain’t so different from other couples. What’ve they got that we don’t?” He questioned. If anything he would argue that they had much more than other couples. Because no other couple loved each other more than Caroline and Alfie loved each other, he was certain of that. 

Caroline smiled and shook her head. “So, we’re doing this then?”

“Well, figure the number of times we’ve been fucking, love, it’s bound to happen eventually.” He replied with a cheeky grin. "Can't exactly stop mother nature, can we?" 

“Alfie!” She gasped and smacked his arm. “Be respectful.” But it was hard to hide her coy smile. After all, he wasn’t _wrong._

He chuckled and moved closer to her. “Sorry, sorry.” He tilted her cheek towards him so he could fix her headscarf that was slipping backward a bit. His fingers moving gently to refasten the pin in her hair. Once it was settled, he touched her cheek and gazed into her eyes. “I love you so much.”

She smiled and felt his warmth close to her face, so she tilted forward to find his lips. He gladly reciprocated, smoothing his thumb over her cheek.

When they parted, Alfie sighed contently and left a few pecks on her lips. “What’d you think then? If we start fixing it up now, we could have it ready in time for Passover. Have all of Camden Town over for Seder.”

Caroline looked a little tempted at the idea. She’d spent her entire life being brought to holidays by her aunt. She was just the poor little blind girl. Everyone pitied her. She could never be the hostess of a beautiful Passover meal. They would never visit her home and sit with her husband and children.

But now? Oh, now she could be the woman of the house. A proud Jewish wife and maybe even mother. She’d stand with her husband, welcoming everyone into her home. She’d introduce her children, all named with purpose and beautiful meanings. She wouldn’t be that blind girl. No one would pity her.

“I think that’s a lovely idea.” She murmured and pulled him back for a deep kiss.


	14. Chapter 14

It took time for Caroline to become adjusted to the estate. Even Pilot needed to become acclimated to the space because it was much larger than the flats they’d lived in before. Alfie walked through the house with her a few times, holding her arm as she felt out the various doors and hallways. She had to use her cane the first month or so which made her a bit disgruntled. Knowing the area around her was liberating. When she was unfamiliar with it, she felt boxed in and extra wary.

Alfie wondered for a while if he’d made the right decision. Seeing his wife moving carefully through the space made him feel a little guilty, as if he’d uprooted her and forced her to adjust to a strange setting.

One night, Caroline got up to get a glass of water. She was determined to find her way by herself, letting Pilot sleep peacefully in his bed in the corner of the room. Alfie was still fast asleep too when she slipped out of bed and began making her way out of the room and down the hall. She was so intent on getting through the house that she forgot to bring her cane along.

The first hallway was successful. Caroline managed to find the banister and make her way down the first set of stairs.

Once she reached the landing in the middle of the staircase, however, she misstepped. Slipping on the rug, she tumbled down a few steps, catching herself by grabbing onto the banister.

Fortunately, it didn’t take much to wake Alfie. He’d been conditioned to wake easily with any semi-loud noise. When he found the bed empty next to him, he panicked and rushed to the stairs.

“Carrie?” He hurried down to help her up. “What happened? You fall?”

She sat up on the step and sniffled. “Yeah, I’m okay.” Aside from her elbow which was bruised a bit, she didn’t feel any injuries.

“What’re you doing on your own down here? S’the middle of the night, love.” He touched her cheek to see if she hit her head.

“I was just-” She swallowed and wiped the tears budding from her eyes. “I just hate that I don’t know the house yet.”

“Oh, love, s’only been a couple of months.” Alfie soothed softly. “You’ll get the hang of it soon ‘nough.”

She didn’t seem to listen. “Just a blind girl stumbling ‘round.” She muttered and rubbed her elbow.

“Caroline, new situations are difficult for everyone. All takes us time to navigate them, yeah? Ain’t nothing to be ashamed or angry ‘bout.” He kissed her forehead and helped her stand up. “What’d you need down here, love, I’ll get it for you.”

“No, I’ll come with you.” She linked arms with him and he carefully helped her down the stairs.

By the spring, Caroline had gotten a hang of the manor’s layout. Sometimes she found herself in the wrong room but that was only because of the sheer size of Letwin Estates. The name was bestowed on the estate a few weeks after they purchased the home. It was Alfie’s mother’s maiden name and seemed like a nice fit.

Once Caroline felt more familiar with the home, she fell in love with it. There was nothing more she loved than to go on walks with Alfie and the dogs through the lawns. The warm spring sun finally peeking out from behind gray clouds. The flowers and trees in the garden began to bloom again, filling the air with sweet aromas.

Caroline certainly did feel spoiled by her husband. Now she had three beautiful homes all with different things she loved about them. But Letwin would become the site of their first Seder held together as a married couple. And that was something special.

Even though Alfie brought up the possibility of celebrating Passover at Letwin, he began to second guess himself. Partly because Caroline has just gotten accustomed to her surroundings. Now they were meant to hold dinner with God knows how many guests over? The last thing he wanted to do was further throw her off guard.

But when he asked, she insisted. So, Seder would be held in Essex. Friends and family were all invited from every corner of their now united lives. The guest list was long, simply because the house was large enough to accommodate. Also, Alfie partly wanted to show off his new digs and his beautiful wife. What could he say? He was a peacock sometimes.

Caroline was beaming by the time guests were due to arrive. The home was warm and decorated according to tradition. Now she would invite her guests into her home as the woman of the house. It was exhilarating.

She came downstairs with Pilot to find Alfie lingering in the foyer. “Is my scarf on okay?” She asked. Even though Caroline had gotten the hang of putting on her own headscarf, Alfie still often put it on for her. It had become an intimate little routine for them every morning. Pausing in between getting ready for the day, Alfie would sit down with his wife on the bed. He’d carefully place each pin, making sure the scarf was secure. Then he’d kiss her forehead and tell her he loved her.

But that evening Alfie had been running around making sure everything was set so she had put it on herself.

“Looks perfect.” He kissed her cheek. “I think our first guests have arrived. Are you ready?”

Caroline bit her lip and nodded. “I am.”

Elizabeth and Richard arrived first with Buck.

“Oh, the house is just lovely!” Alfie’s cousin exclaimed as she was welcomed inside.

“You can’t see it, silly girl.” Alfie teased in response as he greeted her. “Or have you got your eyesight since we spoke last?”

Elizabeth grinned but smacked her cousin. “I can appreciate the ambiance, asshole.” 

Richard just sighed at their antics and greeted Caroline. “It is quite the place, Alfie.” He remarked, looking around the foyer. “I didn’t expect you to ever live in a place like this.”

“Yeah, well.” Alfie shrugged and helped take Elizabeth’s coat. “Nice to get outta the city, innit? All that smoke ‘n shit ain’t good for the lungs, mate.”

“Carrie, I must tell you about a gentleman Richard met the other day. He is very interested in offering to fund the charity.” Elizabeth linked arms with Caroline, chatting on about the donations.

More guests arrived and Caroline was swept back and forth to greet and talk. She received compliments of the house, how wonderful it was that she and Alfie were married, Mazel Tovs, and thanks for the invite. Soon, Caroline was afraid the house would burst at the seam with the amount of people she welcomed inside. But she was enjoying herself. The atmosphere was celebratory as people laughed and joked with each other.

Once everyone arrived, they entered the dining room for dinner. Alfie was chuffed to be head of the table. With his beautiful wife by his side, the man couldn’t have been prouder. And he adored that every time he glanced over at Caroline, she had a smile on her face.

In fact, she loved listening to Alfie lead the dinner, telling the story of Passover and Moses. It was a bit more colorful than was probably traditionally intended but it was all Alfie and what wasn’t to love about that? Caroline knew it was the best Seder dinner she’d been to. There was just something so special about it. Beyond finally being the woman she always wanted to be and in the independent status she felt she deserved, there was Alfie. And Alfie made everything seem better. Her heart felt so full when he spoke and when he gently helped her stand after the final blessing was said for the dinner.

“You were lovely.” Caroline murmured softly to him.

“You think so?” He chuckled. “Didn’t get anything wrong, did I?”

“I think Elizabeth would’ve called you out if you had.” She giggled. “She loves correcting you.”

Alfie smiled and kissed her cheek. “C’mon, love, night ain’t over yet. Still got some entertaining to do.”

After dinner, the guests mingled and celebrated the night. They sang traditional songs and joked with one another. Going on midnight, and the house was still alive and lit up. Caroline’s cheeks were red with warmth and her stomach hurt a bit from laughing with Elizabeth.

But everything would come crashing down when Caroline went to find her husband. She politely passed through the groups of people, listening for Alfie’s voice or laughter. Instead, she caught onto a conversation she was definitely not meant to hear.

“After all this time no one expected him to marry.”

“If you’d asked me five years ago if he’d be married, I would’ve laughed. Alfie Solomons? Married? No mother in their right mind would allow that.”

“Her mother’s passed, her aunt was her guardian I believe.”

“Ah, yes, Mrs. Ellner.”

“To think she’d allow it.”

“Something must’ve happened behind closed doors. Mrs. Ellner is a very wealthy woman, you know.”

There was some hushed whispering between the women talking. As if they were horrified over the prospect of a shady deal being taken place between Alfie and Julia. Caroline felt transfixed in her spot, listening in on the conversation, waiting to hear what the women had to say. She didn’t recognize the voices. They were probably wives of some of the men Alfie invited. People she was unfamiliar with.

“He couldn’t have wanted to marry a blind girl.”

“So, you think Julia offered a large dowry? I wouldn’t think she would want her niece with him.”

“I’ve heard she’s been trying to marry her off for years. Alfie was probably the only one who took the bait.”

“It’s just so sad, don’t you think? After all? How good of a wife can she be?”

“Never mind being a wife, what if she becomes a mother?”

“Can you imagine? How can you be a mother if you can’t see your own children?”

Caroline had heard enough. She grabbed Pilot’s lead tightly and made a beeline for the stairs. She kept her face tilted down slightly, hoping that none of the guests would notice the tears falling down her cheeks.

Alfie noticed that he hadn’t seen his wife in quite some time. She had mentioned she was going to find her aunt but that had been almost twenty minutes ago. Concerned, he tracked down Richard and Elizabeth.

“Have you talked to Caroline?”

“I think I saw her in the foyer not too long ago,” Richard said.

“She’s probably just going to freshen up, Alfie, it’s okay,” Elizabeth responded.

Alfie just shook his head and made his way to the stairs. Cyril and Apollo followed him up to the bedroom, tired from all the attention they were getting from the guests.

The master bedroom’s door was shut so Alfie knocked tentatively. “Caroline?”

There was no answer but he began to hear soft crying over the chatter downstairs. Worried beyond belief, Alfie entered the room. There he found his wife curled up in a fetal position on the bed. Pilot was lying beside her, his chin propped up on her hip. The Newfoundland eyed Alfie as he neared.

“Caroline, love, why’re you crying?”

The woman was too emotionally exhausted to even lift her head or move her hands away from her face. She could only continue to cry weakly.

“Caroline, you’ve got me all worried, please tell me what’s wrong.” He sat down on the bed and tried to take her hands.

She jerked away, refusing to let him try to drag her out of the ocean of sadness she was drowning in.

“I can’t help you if you ain’t gonna tell me why you’re crying, love.” He touched her shoulder.

Realizing Alfie wouldn’t take silence for an answer, Caroline spoke into her palms. “They’re right. I should’ve known.”

Worried he’d lost a few words because her voice was muffled, Alfie bent down closer to her. “What’s that? Who was right?”

“Them, downstairs. I can’t ever be a good wife or a good mother. I shouldn’t even try.” A fresh sob wracked her body. “I-I was so f-foolish to think I could b-be more.”

Alfie’s heart sunk. He thought, maybe a bit naively, that she’d gotten over her insecurities about motherhood. There was only so much he could do by telling her what he thought. He couldn’t go in and rewire the part of her brain that doubted herself. And it didn’t help that there were people who doubted her too. That only added fuel to whatever heartache Caroline was facing.

“Fuck what they think, right? Because what the fuck do they know, aye? They obviously don’t know you very well ‘cause they’d never say such a thing.” He tried to be positive when really, he wanted to make whoever insulted his wife disappear. He wanted to shield Caroline from anyone who would ever doubt her.

Caroline didn’t respond to him. She kept her hands over her face, still just weeping to herself.

“C’mon, let’s wipe up these tears and go back downstairs. Show everyone that you’re the perfect wife. They’ll all be jealous of you.” He went to help her sit up.

His wife sharply pulled away from him and shoved his hands away. “Alfie, leave me alone!” She snapped. “I want to be alone!”

It was the first time she’d ever been so harsh with him. It made him retreat a bit, withdrawing his hands and keeping them to himself. “Alright, m’sorry.” He mumbled. “Just wanted to try ‘n make you feel better.”

She simply turned her back to him, curling up into a tighter ball.

He desperately wanted to gather her up in his arms and reassure her that the opinions of others didn’t matter. But instead, he got up from the bed with a sigh. “I’ll leave you alone then.” He left the room, leaving the three dogs inside to comfort her. Maybe they could do a better job.

Dejected and pissed off at whoever spoke ill about Caroline, Alfie returned downstairs. Guests were starting to leave, saying goodbye and giving well wishes to him. Alfie saw them out, thanking them and wishing them safe travels. Some asked about Caroline but he simply said she was sporting a headache and needed to lie down.

As the last stragglers left, Alfie realized he was left alone with Julia who had held back. She had wanted to speak with the man alone.

“You’re welcome to stay the night if you’d like, Julia, plenty of rooms upstairs. Elizabeth and Richard have decided to stay.” Alfie offered.

“That’s quite alright, Alfie.” The older woman responded. “I just wanted to speak with you before I left.”

“Ah, okay.”

The two stood in a foyer, a bit of distance between them not just physically but emotionally as well. Alfie knew that he’d gone behind Julia’s back when he and Caroline decided to carry out a relationship against her orders. The woman had been terse with him ever since. Julia wasn’t a person who gave many chances.

“I wanted to thank you for what you’ve given my niece.”

The start was a bit surprising to Alfie. He hadn’t expected a thank you from Julia any time soon. “Oh? Oh, well…she deserves it don’t she?”

“Indeed.” Julia sighed. “I thought I could give her everything she needed. I could look after her, keep her happy, just so long as I kept her safe. Away from harm’s way. I thought you ruined that for me when she told me she loved you. But now I realize…what I see is something I didn’t expect to see. You care very much for my niece, that’s obvious. I was fair in having my doubts but you proved my wrong. However, I realized that you’ve given her the life she always wanted. That was something I couldn’t give her. That’s why I wanted to thank you.”

Alfie struggled to find the words. It was incredible, thrilling even, to hear those words. “I-erm-I appreciate that.” He would’ve been overjoyed had he not just seen his wife crying on their bed. “I’m trying me best, I s’pose.” He admitted quietly.

“That’s all any of us can do, Alfie,” Julia reassured him and donned her coat. “Give Caroline my best, I heard you say she wasn’t feeling well.”

“Yeah, I will.” Alfie ran a hand over his beard and walked Julia out to her car. “Drive safe.” He waved her off and went back inside. The house was shockingly quiet once everyone was gone. It was almost a silence that was solid. Able to be felt by every inch of the body.

Just to hear something, Alfie cleared his throat and shut the door. He glanced up at the staircase. No doubt Caroline would still want her space. So, he decided to take up in one of the spare bedrooms.

Even for just one night, it would be difficult being apart from her. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short little interruption to celebrate the New Year. This is set before the Passover chapter.

Alfie was usually great at worming his way out of social functions. Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to worm his way out of Elizabeth’s New Year’s Eve party. Caroline said she was going whether he accompanied her or not. Alfie didn’t want her to go alone even if Elizabeth and Richard were there.

So, he begrudgingly began to get ready to drive from Letwin Estates to London. Caroline came in wearing a beautiful black dress with silver beading. Still, it was modest, ever the beautiful Jewish wife.

“Carrie, me hip is killing me. Why don’t we just stay here?” Alfie stood up from the edge of the bed where he was attempting to put in his cufflinks.

“Because I promised Lizzie we’d be there. She’s expecting us and it would be very rude if we abandoned her.” She replied.

He approached his wife and wrapped his arms around her waist. “She wouldn’t mind that much.” He murmured and pressed kisses down her neck. “We can stay in, have champagne, not bother about these pesky clothes…”

“Alfie Solomons, that’s not very polite.” She giggled, his beard making her squirm. “Your hip must not hurt too much if you want to bed me.” She replied cheekily.

He groaned and buried his face in her shoulder. He knew he'd backed himself into a corner by using two excuses. Amateur mistake. “You’re too clever for me Caroline Solomons.”

She smiled and patted his hand. “Get dressed, we’ll spend time together tomorrow. In fact, we can spend the first day of the year in bed together if you just put on a smile and be nice tonight.”

“Fine.” He pulled away from her and grabbed his coat. A day in bed with his wife was too good to pass up. 

“C’mere, grumpy man.” She reached a hand out to him.

He found his way back to her. “Ain’t grumpy. Just don’t wanna socialize with people I don’t fucking know.”

“Do it for me?” Caroline cooed against his lips. "Just one night?" 

“Fuck.” The word slipped out and he leaned in to kiss her deeply but she pulled away at the last second. He swore again in protest. “Woman, you’re gonna fucking kill me.”

Caroline just giggled and whistled for Pilot. “Hurry up.”

Alfie hated the party from the second they stepped inside. It was held at the Palm Court in the Ritz just like Elizabeth’s previous function for Julia’s charity. It was filled with the same rich people, ninety percent of them Alfie was sure had not made their own money. They’d simply been born into it. And that was one of his biggest pet peeves.

But he was a dutiful husband and cousin, so he endured the night for Caroline and Elizabeth. He gritted his teeth and listened to people talk about non-issues. It took all his energy not to roll his eyes and he had to continuously bite his tongue. 

Luckily, Caroline decided her husband had endured enough. Close to midnight, she whispered into his ear that she wanted to go outside. It was like salvation to Alfie, a lifeline out of the unbearably boring party. 

He quickly linked arms with her and guided her out of the room, through the lobby and out to the park across the street. It was cold but they were bundled up enough to tolerate it.

“This is where we first kissed.” Alfie reminded her. The city around them was alive with everyone celebrating. The electric buzz of excitement hung in the air above them. People anticipating the start of a new year.

“I remember.” Caroline smiled. “Aside from our wedding, I think it was the best night of my life. I finally had the love of my life, he wasn't running away from me anymore. He was there and I never wanted him to leave my side again.”

“Yeah? Didn’t know I meant that much to you.” Alfie teased. Even though his heart was beating relentlessly against his chest. It was like he was falling in love with his wife all over again. 

She giggled and elbowed him playfully. “You knew how much you meant to me.”

“I dunno. I think I was too head over heels for you. Thought you were too good for me, never thought I could have a woman like you. Beautiful, independent, caring, polite…” He drew her close to feel her warmth. 

“Alfie.” She sighed softly against his lips, interrupting his long winding declaration. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He murmured and kissed her right as London exploded with cheers. The clock had reached midnight and there was an endless amount of possibilities suddenly in front of Alfie and Caroline.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Returning to the Passover timeline, chapter 14 if you need a refresher.

Alfie couldn’t sleep. After Caroline had shut him out of the room, he tried settling down in the bedroom next to theirs. It was the best he could do to be close to her. But he was restless and couldn’t stay in bed.

Getting up, he wandered back downstairs. Pilot and Apollo had remained loyal to Caroline, staying in the bedroom with her and keeping her company. Cyril, however, followed Alfie downstairs. The big oaf of a dog plodded after his owner. His nails clicking on the hardwood floors and paws padding on the expensive carpets as they wandered the first floor.

“Whaddya want?” Alfie grumbled when the dog wouldn’t leave him be. He stopped in the doorway of his study and looked down at the bullmastiff.

Cyril simply looked back up at him with his droopy cheeks and sad eyes. He cocked his head to the side.

“I dunno what to tell ya,” Alfie muttered and entered his study. Cyril followed and plopped down on the floor beside the large desk. His owner sat down in the rich leather chair. Leaning his elbows on his knees, Alfie put his head in his hands. “Fuck.” He whispered. Even after months of marriage, he scolded himself for ever disobeying Julia’s orders to leave Caroline be. If he had just stayed away maybe she could be happier. She’d have some nice, clean-cut, wealthy man like that persistent fellow with the flowers.

Of course, Alfie would never be happy, never be satisfied, and never be in love again. But wasn’t it enough that he was sparing Caroline a life of disappointment? He’d be the miserable old sap that he intended to be while she flourished. All speculation, but Alfie was positive he was the factor in her life that was holding her back. That little bit of insecurity that she couldn’t shake.

Maybe he rushed her into marriage, brushed away her concerns about being a good wife and potential mother. Maybe telling her not to worry about it was detrimental.

Cyril stood up and nosed at Alfie’s hands, trying to part his fingers. Alfie grumbled and moved his hands away from his face. “What?”

The dog whined and pawed at Alfie’s knee.

The man stared at Cyril. Either the dog was being a needy brat as usual or he was trying to tell Alfie something.

Something like…maybe love wasn’t supposed to be easy. Maybe couples were meant to overcome hardships because the reward was just too good to turn their backs on. Because what was paradise to Alfie? Seeing the love of his life smiling in the sunshine. Preferably on the beaches of Margate, with the pups all running around. Hearing her laughter in the air as she reached for his hand.

Perhaps he was condemned to hell in the next life. But wasn’t he selfish enough to try and find a bit of paradise on Earth? Or maybe he was selfless enough to not shy away from hardship and forget his own insecurities.

“Hm,” Alfie grunted and patted Cyril’s head. “Maybe.”

The next morning, Caroline awoke in a bit of a daze. She hadn’t had more than the ceremonial wine at Seder so there wasn’t any reason for her to be hungover. And yet it felt like she’d been hit by a train.

She was still donning the dress from the night before. Her headscarf was loosely hanging on by only a couple of hairpins that had managed to stay in the entire night. She felt she hadn’t slept enough and yet felt like she’d been in bed for a few days straight. Her eyes were puffy and itchy from crying herself to sleep. Her stomach turned with the realization that the night before wasn’t a bad dream. It was reality.

The discussion that the women had had about her behind her back. The awful things they said about her and how their words had pierced her heart. The sinking realization that they were right.

She’d yelled at her husband. Banished him from their bedroom and curled up on the bed alone. She refused his comfort because she didn’t believe she deserved it. Never would she be a good enough wife or mother. Poor Alfie Solomons stuck with the blind woman as a wife.

Guilt, embarrassment, and sorrow kept her bed for most of the morning. She got up to change out of her dress, throwing on a dressing gown and getting back under the covers.

One of the maids came in to let the dogs out but she received no response when asking the lady of the house if she wanted breakfast. The young woman reported to her employer, Alfie, that Caroline was still in bed.

Alfie checked the time, far past the time that Caroline would usually stay in bed. He’d been worried about her all night but the concern only heightened by the maid’s report. He stood up and headed upstairs.

Knocking at the master bedroom door, he called out her name a few times. But there was still no response. “Carrie, I’m coming in ‘cause I’m fucking worried ‘bout you.” He could incur the wrath of his wife if it meant checking in and making sure she was at least still alive.

Caroline was curled up on her side facing away from the door. She practically had all of the sheets and blankets wrapped around her, cocooning herself to fend off the harsh world.

Alfie saw the covers moving with her breaths, so at least that was a relief. And yet, he knew he couldn’t leave her in such a state. “Caroline, I know you’re upset. I mean-don’t know exactly how it feels, right, but I can sympathize, yeah? I just don’t know how to fucking get you to understand that you’re perfect just the way you are.” It was unbearably frustrating to Alfie. The gangster was used to getting things his way. Of course, business was an easy game if you had lots of money, lots of protection, and lots of weapons. Relationships were much different and much more difficult to maneuver. “If I could just-just go in and get rid of all them bad thoughts in your brain, I would. Carrie, you know the lengths I would go for your happiness. But I can’t fucking convince you otherwise. I could talk you to death ‘bout what a wonderful person you are but you ain’t gonna listen to me if you don’t wanna hear it. And it makes me sad, right, ‘cause I don’t like to see you unhappy. Feel like I ain’t been doing me job.”

The silence from Caroline’s side of the room broke as she let a faint whimper slip from her lips. The form under the covers began to move with racks of quiet sobs.

Alfie’s shoulders slumped and he went around the other side of the bed to see her face. He sat down and brushed the sheets away from her shoulders. “Caroline Solomons, it worries me that you’ll listen to a bunch of fucking _yentas_ who are so goddamn miserable with their own lives that they’re willing to tear down a beautiful, caring, lovely girl. You’ll listen to them over your own husband. Means I’m not saying the right things or I ain’t saying them enough.”

“I just wanted last night to show people-to show people that I’m much more.” Her voice was shaky as she finally began to speak. “That I could be something I’ve always wanted to be instead of the role of just the poor blind girl. I want people to see me…just to see me differently. But last night proved that I’ll never get that luxury. I ought to just accept that people will never see me as anything but the blind girl. And they’ll always fucking pity me and they’ll always pity you because why on Earth would a man like you want to marry me? Why would any man want to marry me?” Her voice cracked and she fell apart into another bought of sobs.

Alfie wrapped his arms around her and scooped her up to sit on his lap. The silky dressing gown slipped from her shoulder from the movement. He gently pressed a kiss to the exposed skin, trying to comfort her and remind her how much he loved her. “You would not believe how beautiful you are. You won’t listen to me when I tell you how much people adore your personality; how compassionate and sweet you are. So I ain’t gonna waste my breath by trying to convince you. But don’t you dare question me choice to marry you. I do not pity you, I was not coerced into it, weren’t looking to gain money, weren’t tryna please your aunt. I married you ‘cause I fucking love you. End of discussion.”

Caroline closed her eyes, a few stray teardrops falling from her eyelashes and landing on Alfie’s shirt. She reached up and tangled her fingers in his hair. “I don’t want to think about it anymore.” She whimpered. “Just remind me.”

It was like Alfie knew her long enough to read between the lines of everything she said. There were things unsaid but he still heard the words.

He slipped the cream-colored robe off of her other shoulder, letting the airy material fall to her elbows. The tie had already come undone, showing a strip of skin from her collarbone to her navel. Alfie began to kiss at her neck, gently pulling the robe away from her and tossing it to the side.

Caroline sighed softly and felt the heartbreak and self-doubt start to diminish in volume. The thoughts were still there, but Alfie’s touch was enough to sideline the for at least some time. She even giggled and squirmed when he nibbled at her earlobe.

“There’s that smile.” Alfie murmured. “I swear the world’s always a bit darker when I haven’t seen you smile.” He shifted her around in his arms so she was straddling his waist. He grazed his knuckles over her cheekbone before kissing her tenderly.

Caroline became hyper fixated on the sounds he made instead of listening to her self-destructive thoughts that had been plaguing her all morning. The quiet grunts and groans of pleasure. The way he whispered her name and called her gorgeous and beautiful. The deep, husky noises that came from his throat, responding to her touches.

Then she focused on how he felt. His disheveled hair and wiry beard. She could feel every scar on his body. The way the scar tissue was raised on his skin, the length and the width telling the story of how deep the wound once was. She could distinguish the scars from the tattoos covering his chest and arms. They weren’t as lifted and they connected in a design that Caroline liked to trace over and over again. It had become so familiar to feel the roughness of his calloused fingers on her. They were warm and took a firm hold of her. A snug hold to keep her aware of his protective nature toward her. It caused passion to course through her veins, filling her up with the desire to be held by him for the rest of her days. It reminded her how lonely it was when they were physically apart.

Alfie laid back letting Caroline undo the buttons of his shirt. Her fingers trailing down the seam until she reached the hem of the shirt and moved onto his trousers. He helped get rid of the rest of his clothing, keeping her straddling him. It was their more common position when they were intimate. It gave Caroline a bit of control that she appreciated and it gave Alfie a stunning view of his wife while being easy on his hip. What more was there to love? 

Their breathing became ragged together as Alfie aided the roll of Caroline’s hips against him. He kept a firm grip on her, keeping one hand on her hip and letting another travel up her spine.

Goosebumps formed on the back of her arms as his fingers passed over each of her vertebrae with careful consideration and affection. She was nearing her climax when his hand reached the nape of her neck. He knotted his fingers in the ends of her hair and coaxed her to tilt forward towards him.

Pressing her hands to the bed, she followed his guidance so he could capture her lips with his. His hands tightened when he suddenly reached his peak. Moaning gutturally against her lips he swung her leg around to move her. He pressed her back to the bed and dropped his fingers to her center to finish her off. His lips found her collarbone, kissing a line up her throat.

Panting helplessly, Caroline dug her fingernails into his shoulder blades, feeling his muscles move. She cried out in relief when he made her come.

Both of them went completely lax as they basked in the afterglow. After a bit, Alfie gathered enough energy to drag the sheets back up over them. He pulled her close to his side, stroking and smoothing his hands over her side and hips.

“Good enough reminder?” He asked quietly.

Caroline swallowed and nodded. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.” She said sheepishly.

“S’alright.” He tucked her hair back. “Love, I just wish I could protect you from fuckers who talk shit about you.”

“It’s okay.” She pressed her face into his chest. There was still doubt. There always would be but as long as Alfie believed in her, maybe there was a reason to believe in herself as well.


	17. Chapter 17

Julia had been watching her niece all morning. Something was different. True, the two hadn’t been spending as much time together, not even close to the amount of time they used to spend together when Caroline was still under her care.

Now she was a married woman with her own career within Julia’s business. The older woman couldn’t help but think about how proud her sister would be. If only she could see her daughter flourishing so much. Monica was always distraught about how her little girl would never be able to live a full life with her disability. Of course, Julia could be dismayed about Caroline’s choice of husband. Still, she knew Monica would be so proud. Also, Alfie did nothing but dote on his new wife. He spoiled her far more than Julia ever did, which she wasn’t sure was possible.

Despite the lavish lifestyle, Caroline still worked hard helping Richard and Elizabeth with their charity work. That’s why she was in the offices in Camden instead of being in Kensington. She and Julia needed to go over the proposed numbers for the year.

“Caroline.”

“Hm?”

“Stand up, would you?”

A bit confused, Caroline put a hand on the desk and stood up. “What?”

“Turn to the side.”

“Which side?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

Caroline had no clue what her aunt was getting at but turned to the right.

Julia got up and moved closer to make sure she wasn’t just seeing things. She touched her niece’s abdomen to make sure she wasn’t crazy. “Oy,” She slapped a hand to her forehead in disbelief.

“What?” The young woman suddenly became very self-conscious, maybe she’d forgotten to do up a button or her headscarf was coming undone.

“You’re pregnant.”

The shock hit Caroline so hard she let out a hysterical bubble of laughter. “No, no. That’s…” Well, it _was_ possible. She and Alfie weren’t shy around each other. It just felt natural and dammit Alfie made it fun. He never failed to put a smile on her face and often times would make her giggle. Without her sight, Alfie knew she relied a good deal on touch. That’s why he made sure to memorize every little quirk about his wife. A quick nip to her collarbone or tickling her toes made her squirm and laugh.

Now it appeared that their rambunctious behaviors had led to something much less light-hearted. Despite talking about it many times before, it still hit Caroline harder than she expected.

Feeling ten pounds heavier, she slowly sank back into her chair. “Oh…” Things that had just seemed like little nuisances were starting to fall into place. She hadn’t bled regularly, her clothes were feeling a bit snug, and she’d become more sensitive to smells.

Julia had to sit with the news for a moment. She grabbed the edge of the nearest desk and put a hand on her hip. Lifting her chin, she stared at the ceiling and muttered a few Yiddish prayers under her breath. Mostly along the lines of God giving her strength.

Julia’s moment was interrupted by Caroline who had begun to cry. “Everything was going al-alright and now look what I’ve done.” She sniffled with her face in her hands.

“ _Zeeskeit_ , don’t cry. Hush now.” Julia knelt down to embrace her niece. “Why the tears?”

“Don’t lie to me, _tante_ , you know I can’t be a good mother.” Caroline resisted her aunt trying to comfort her. "That's just ridiculous to assume, everyone knows it wouldn't work out." 

“Why would I lie to you, hey?”

“Because everyone does. Everyone wants to pity me and console me like a child. They pretend I can be normal when they treat me like I’m som-some second-class person that they need to coddle.

“I don’t treat you that way and neither does Alfie.”

“Not you two. Other people…” Caroline wiped her eyes and shook her head.

“Who?” Julia tipped her niece’s chin up when she didn’t respond. “ _Who_ , Caroline?”

Her lower lip quivered as the memory of Passover returned to her. The exact words of those awful women were still branded into her brain. No matter what Alfie said, she couldn’t wipe them away. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter. No one talks ill about you.” Julia insisted.

Caroline sighed. “I don’t know who it was. They were talking about me. Saying how I would never be a good mother or wife. They assumed that you had paid Alfie to marry me because no one else would.”

Julia scoffed. “Those _momzers_.” She gritted her teeth because she had an idea of who the two women were that her niece was talking about. There were rumors going around that Julia heard but tried to keep Caroline in the dark about them. “You don’t listen to a word they say, _fershtay_? They know nothing about you or what you’re capable of. You exceed my expectations every day and for that, I am blessed. And now you and Alfie are blessed with such a wonderful gift. Do not let anyone take that away from you.”

Caroline hiccupped. “It’s a curse. Now Alfie has to worry about a newborn when he already has so much else to worry about!” She cried. "He's busy enough now-now I just. Oh it's all going to fall apart!" 

“Don’t ever call your child a curse.” Julia scolded. “That baby is a gift from Him and you ought not question His plan for you.”

She lowered her head in shame. “I’m scared.” She admitted in a sheepish voice.

Julia sighed and carefully tucked a stray piece of Caroline’s hair back in place under her scarf. “That is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a new challenge. But I trust that you will rise to it, just as you do to every challenge you’ve faced in your life. You’re a strong woman who has overcome so much. _HaShem_ has rewarded you.”

Caroline closed her eyes. She wasn’t worried about what God had planned for her. “What if Alfie is upset?”

“Why would he be?”

She just shrugged. Perhaps it was unsubstantiated. Alfie had done nothing but accepted the idea of having children. He assured Caroline that it would be a good thing in their life, not something to avoid. But she couldn’t get over her own doubts that she projected them onto Alfie.

“If he has a problem with it then he can come to me about it,” Julia grumbled. Caroline couldn’t help but laugh softly. “There’s that lovely smile. Now wipe your tears and I’ll walk you over to the bakery.”

“For what?”

“To tell your husband the good news.”

Julia let Caroline go into the office alone. She stayed out with Ollie to chat about how his wife and children were doing. Nervously, Caroline knocked on the door.

“Come in.”

The hardened lines in Alfie’s face dissolved the second he saw Caroline enter his office. “Were hoping you were gonna stop by. Julia let you go a little early or are you taking a break?” He asked and stood up to greet her.

“A break, I suppose. I have some news.” She told him after he gave her a quick kiss.

“News, eh?” He pulled up a chair for her and ruffled Pilot’s ears affectionately.

Caroline sat and tried to gather the courage to get the words out. “Julia said…well, I think…we both did.” She exhaled in defeat. “Oh for the love of-I-don’t know how to tell you.”

“Tell me what, love?” Alfie leaned against his desk, reaching for her hand. “You know you can tell me anything, ain’t gonna judge you.”

She swallowed and squeezed his hand for a little bravery. “I uh-I think I’m pregnant.”

Her voice was so soft but Alfie heard the word well enough. Baffled, he let out a low whistle of disbelief. “Pregnant, aye? That’s…well, that’s to be expected.” He chuckled nervously and ran a hand over his beard. Truth be told it was some sort of an enigma that his wife hadn’t ended up pregnant much earlier in their marriage.

“I know but it’s still.” Caroline’s voice caught in her throat. “Oh, it’s just so much, Alfie, I don’t know what to do.”

“What do you mean, love? Ain’t nothing for you to do ‘cept carry our child. Not saying that’ll be easy. Can’t imagine toting ‘round a babe in my gut for months on end.”

“But-”

“Caroline, we discussed this. I know you want me to be angry and to tell you that you’ll never be a good mother. But I ain’t ever gonna say it ‘cause it ain’t true. I won’t lie to you. Any child would be lucky to have you as a mother.” He insisted. Don’t matter what the rest of the world thinks. We’ll do it our own way and we’ll make it work. You trust me?”

Tears were welling up in Caroline’s eyes again. “Yes.”

“Then trust that I trust you.” He kissed her knuckles. “Be excited. We’ll have our own family soon ‘nough and that makes me unbelievably happy. Can't even describe it to ya.”

She gave a weak, tearful laugh. “I am happy, I’m just so scared.” Her voice shook.

“I am too.” He chuckled and stood her up so he could embrace her tightly. “If you didn’t know, I ain’t ever been a father before.” He kissed her cheek. “But we’ll figure it out together.”

It took some getting used to, but Caroline accepted the fact that she was pregnant and in a short period of time she would be giving birth. Many times a day she placed her hand on her stomach to feel the slight swell of her abdomen. Almost as if to make sure the baby was still there or to try to feel any movement. However, Julia told her that it was far too early to feel any movement.

Caroline had to come to terms that she didn’t know much about pregnancy or childbirth. Usually, if any of the women in her life discussed the topic, she tuned the conversation out. Perhaps out of spite or avoidance. She always assumed that she would never be a mother because no man would ever want to marry her.

Now that she was expecting, it seemed pressing to know all the little tidbits to look forward to.

Elizabeth was elated when she heard the news. She said she’d make immediate plans for someone to decorate the nursery with everything the baby would need. She also discussed possible names with Caroline, listing off some of the Solomons relatives that had beautiful Jewish names. It was a bit overwhelming but Elizabeth’s reaction made Caroline feel a little more excited.

In fact, everyone who heard the news wished the couple an enthusiastic ‘Mazel Tov’. Yet, Caroline was wary of who knew. Alfie wanted to tell anyone they came in contact with. Getting ahead of himself, he was just thrilled to be a proud father. His wife was more cautious. Not for her safety, but because she didn’t want people gossiping behind her back.

How could they be so reckless to have a child?

How could Caroline ever think she could be a proper mother?

What if the baby came out blind as well?

All, frankly, ridiculous things but Caroline couldn’t shake them. After Passover, she put her guard up when it came to people she didn’t know well. She just assumed they were talking about her when she left the room.

Still, she had enough time to herself to enjoy the early stages of her pregnancy. Not the morning sickness, mind you, but just the simple period of waiting. Often times, when she was alone, she’d talk idly to the child. Just like she mindlessly talked to Pilot when it was just the two of them together.

Sometimes she listed out the names that she was considering just so she could hear how they sounded out loud.

That’s what she was doing one unseasonably warm April night. She was upstairs in their home in Camden. The window was open with the curtains swishing back and forth in the warm breeze. The street outside was quiet, only a few people passing by and a car every so often.

Caroline was alone in the flat with Pilot and Apollo. She had sent their maid home, as Alfie was due to be home at any moment. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, a hand over her baby bump. Apollo was curled up on the bed. He’d grown so much in a year but still thought he was a tiny puppy, hardly aware of his long legs. Pilot was sat at Caroline’s feet, his chin resting on her knee.

“Hanna Solomons. Elizabeth said that was Alfie’s mother’s cousin’s name. Or no…was it her sister? Well, that would make it Alfie’s aunt’s name. Now, Elizabeth said her mother’s name was Livna. Livna Solomons. I suppose that’s pretty. Although you could be a boy.” Caroline smiled. “I think Alfie would love to have a boy. Of course, he would love you no matter what.” She chuckled but stopped when she heard a noise from downstairs.

Even Pilot and Apollo perked up. It sounded like footsteps so Caroline called out.

“Alfie? Is that you?”

There was no response. Maybe he hadn’t heard her. Caroline stood up, nudging Pilot to the side and making her way to open the bedroom door.

“Alfie? You home?”

When she didn’t get a response the second time, a hint of dread dropped into her stomach. With the door open, she could definitely tell the noises were footsteps and they were making their way upstairs. “A-Alfie?” She shrunk backward and reached to close the door. Something wasn’t right. 

The footsteps reached the landing and began to run at her. It clearly wasn’t her husband as there were multiple people coming after her. So she screamed and hurried to close the door shut. But someone wedged their foot inside to keep it from closing. They shoved forward, knocking Caroline back and forcing the door open.

Pilot jumped up, barking and growling. The massive Newfoundland launched himself at the intruder, teeth bared. Although not technically a trained attack dog, Julia had made sure she gifted her niece with a protective companion just in case.

A man swore and staggered backward when Pilot sunk his teeth into his arm. “Get it off!”

“Just fucking shoot the thing!” Another man snapped.

“No!” Caroline shrieked.

“Shut ‘er up!”

Rough hands grabbed Caroline by the hair, dragging her to her feet. She heard a dull thump and Pilot yipped out in pain.

“Leave him alone, please!” She cried and tried to get to her beloved dog.

“I said, shut ‘er up!” The second man ordered again.

A cloth was placed over Caroline’s mouth to muffle her screams while the butt end of a rifle knocked her on the back of the head, causing her to go limp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yiddish/Hebrew:   
> Zeeskeit: Sweetheart  
> Momzers: Untrustworthy bastards  
> Fershtay: Understand?   
> HaShem: Hebrew name for God, "The name"


	18. Chapter 18

Alfie arrived a mere ten minutes after the kidnappers fled in the night with Caroline. Alfie let Cyril off his lead, letting the dog head upstairs to find Caroline. As he removed his hat and coat, he noticed the window by the front door was open.

“Carrie, you’ve left the window open.” He called upstairs. “Want me to keep it open or are you cold?”

The only response he got was a quiet whimper from upstairs and the sound of Cyril’s tags jangling as he sniffed around the second floor.

Concerned, Alfie headed upstairs and found the bedroom door was open. The room was in a state of disarray. The quilt on the bed had slipped to the floor and the night table had been pushed against the wall with a good deal of force. But the only thing that Alfie noticed was the absence of his wife.

“Caroline?” He called again and checked the other rooms in the house. “Fuck…Caroline!?”

The soft whimpering got louder as Pilot limped out into view. The Newfoundland had worn himself out whining and crying for his owner to be returned.

“What happened?” Alfie whispered and knelt down to look over the dog. He realized the poor dog’s ribs had been bruised. It made Alfie sick to his stomach as the whole scene unfurled.

Caroline had been taken against her will. Pilot had been hurt in the process, probably trying to stop whoever kidnapped her. 

“Fuck.” Alfie stood up and rushed for the phone. He called Ollie and a few others to tell them of the news. To get them in position for a battle. He called neighbors, asking if they’d seen anything suspicious in the last few hours. He called Elizabeth and Richard.

The whole time he was on the phone with everyone, he felt as if he was going to fall over. The gravity of the situation was becoming too much for Alfie to handle. The stress and anger built up in his blood until he could hardly see anything. The world around him had become blurred.

Elizabeth arrived at Alfie’s not too long after he called.

Alfie answered the door with a gun but lowered it when he saw it was just his cousin. “Liz?”

“I came as soon as I could. Richard dropped me off before he went to Scotland Yard. He knows several detectives there that will be able to help.” She said and entered the flat.

Alfie wrinkled his nose at the mention of law enforcement. But he supposed he couldn’t turn down any help. “I were just gonna go out looking…”

“No, no.” Elizabeth reached out to find his arm. “You need to stay here. I’ll stay as well. You need to be by the phone in case someone calls with news.”

Alfie grimaced but led her into the parlor to sit.

“Did you call Julia?”

“No. Not yet.”

“Well, you need to.” She urged.

“She was just waiting for something like this to happen.” He muttered and began pacing. “Waiting for Caroline to be hurt because she’s married to me.”

“That’s not what matters right now. What matters is making sure Julia knows so she can help if necessary.”

Alfie was too frazzled to even think straight. His sanity was quickly slipping away. It wasn’t any surprise that Caroline held him together at the seams. Kept his composure in the palm of her hand. Just a touch from her, the faintest glimpse of her eyes, the brief scent of her perfume, any hint of her soothed his angry muscles and smoothed the wrinkles in his face. When that was taken from him, he felt the gates raised. Unleashing every demon that held his rage.

“Alfie, are you listening to me?”

His violence gripped control. “Fuck!” He shouted at the top of his lungs and grabbed the nearest thing, a substantially sized book, and threw it at the opposite wall.

The loud thud made Elizabeth flinch and duck slightly. Pilot cowered further in the corner, whimpering.

Once Hell had been let loose in his bloodstream, Alfie turned with a huff and grabbed his gun.

“Alfie?” His cousin stood when she heard his heavy footsteps. “Alfie, you ought to stay here!”

He ignored her, loading his gun with steady hands. “You call your husband.” He snapped at her. “Scotland Yard ain’t gonna have anything to do with this. When we find them, they’ll be brought to the bakery. I’ll deal with them meself. Ain’t gonna let the law get in me way.” He growled and stepped out of the flat. There was no need for a coat, his anger kept him warm.

Alfie set up shop in his office at the Bakery. The lights were dim, he didn’t think to turn more on. He was so consumed with his fury.

He didn’t seem to recognize the parallels of his old life either. The life of Captain Solomons. Promoted simply because he didn’t fear death, commanded with ferocity, and survived past others.

Long nights in trenches. Nothing but dim lanterns and the stars to light up the grueling hours. A waiting game, lying in wait like a predator. Any enemy of his waiting to be met with violence they had yet to see even in such a hellish war.

He ordered his men just as he did in France. Although he was harsh, it was better to be on his side rather than on the opposing.

“Sir.” Ollie entered the office with caution.

Alfie had been pacing the small space like a caged tiger. “What did you find?”

“I talked to the people across the street.” Ollie continued his report like a subordinate detailing a reconnaissance mission. “They saw the car pull up; they didn’t see them take her but saw the car leave. Said they saw the car going east.”

“And?” Alfie pressed.

“We’ve got roadblocks. They’re stopping everyone.”

“They could’ve taken her beyond those points.” He snapped aggressively. “Damn it, boy, use your fucking brain!”

“Well, we-we found a car that had broken down.” Ollie tried not to cower backward. The young man was accustomed to his employer’s temper, but never had he seen him in such a state. “On the side of Agar Grove.”

“What was left?” Alfie demanded.

Ollie stepped forward and held out a folded-up piece of fabric.

His jaw clenched when he recognized it as the navy and white colored _tichel_ that he’d helped Caroline put on that morning. A fierce trembled ripped through his body as his worst fears stepped into the forefront of his mind. He snatched the scarf from Ollie’s hand and turned away from him. “Get out.” He ordered. “You come back when you’ve found her.”

Ollie swallowed and nodded. “Yes, sir.”

Alfie looked down at the piece of cotton fabric draped over his hands. There was still a hairpin fastened to the _tichel_. A few pieces of ash brown hair was stuck in the pin, a tell that it had been forcefully torn from his wife’s head.

He squeezed his eyes shut and sank to his knees, clutching the _tichel_ in his hands. He would ask for forgiveness from God now. That way, he didn’t have to pause before ripping out the kidnapper’s heart with his bare hands.

Julia knew by the time the sun had begun to rise. Richard and Elizabeth visited her doorstep. Alfie’s cousin had a feeling he wouldn’t have the stomach to tell Caroline’s aunt about what happened.

The older woman ignored Alfie’s request to keep Scotland Yard out of the matter. She wasn’t going to let his pride get in between finding her niece.

The rest of Camden Town learned the news before noon the next day. They whispered about how Caroline Solomons had been snatched out of the house. They speculated who and why. But it always came back to the source. To get back at her husband. To bring the king of Camden Town to his knees.

Alfie stayed holed up in the bakery, not sleeping a wink. The walls were starting to close in on him as he got more and more worried about his wife’s fate. Several times, Ollie came to the door to tell him that there were people at the door asking for him. Richard and Elizabeth wanted to check in on him. Julia demanded to speak to him.

But Alfie turned them all away.

By mid-afternoon, desperation was taking its course. Alfie picked up and put the phone down a few times. Finally, he spoke to the operator.

“Shelby Company, Birmingham.”

Tommy arrived early that evening. The message from Alfie had been brief, but urgent. The Brummie wasn’t sure he’d ever heard such fear and anger in a man’s voice before.

He was the first man to be allowed past the front doors of the bakery. Ollie led Tommy back to the office, knocking on the door before opening it.

“Yeah, Tommy, come in.” Alfie forced himself to sit down.

“You asked for my help.” Tommy sat down across from him.

“Yeah, mate. I need men out looking for someone.” Alfie cut to the heart of the matter. Usually, he liked to go around and around in circles with the man. But he wasn’t in the mood, and he didn’t feel like they had the time. The men were most likely on foot, but there was the chance they got into another car, taking Caroline further than Alfie’s men were looking.

“I take it it’s more than just a debt you’re after.” Tommy mused.

“Someone kidnapped my wife last night.”

There was a brief silence as the Blinder grappled with the answer. “I didn’t know you were married, Alfie.”

“Thought I could keep it that way too. Thought I could keep her safe.” Alfie gritted his teeth and shook his head. “There’s no telling where they took her.”

“Do you have any ideas on who did it?”

Alfie ran a hand over his face. “You want me to fucking list off my enemies to you right now, Tom, or do you want to fucking help?” He demanded.

“I was only asking because it might help find her.”

“I don’t fucking know who I just want her found. I need more people looking for her and-”

“You don’t need to grovel, Alfie, I understand. I’ll help you.” Tommy answered. “Give me an hour to organize my men.”

For the first time that day, Alfie let out a slow breath. “I’ll owe you for the rest of my life, mate.”

Tommy stood up. “I’d trust you’d do the same for me if I were in need. Just give me an hour.

I’ll bring her back safely and deliver the men to you so you can do what you deem necessary.”

It was strange that Tommy Shelby was the one to bring him some relief. But Alfie wasn’t going to question things. If there was a price to be paid for the safe return of his wife, then he'd pay it. He'd pay anything. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tichel.   
> I can't believe I never looked up what the Orthodox Jewish women's headscarf was called. I'll be using it from now on just to be a little more true to the culture.


	19. Chapter 19

Alfie didn’t want to see the sunrise without Caroline. If he had to remain in darkness for the amount of time it took to find her, so be it. If she was never brought back to him then he’d stay in the darkness. He’d sleep through the day and work through the night. He didn’t want to see the world without her. She was his world.

He didn’t sleep much. He moved from the bakery to the flat during the dawn, right before the sun rose. The dogs accompanied him back and forth.

Cyril led the helm, guiding Alfie through the dark streets. Apollo sulked behind, affected by the mood around him. And Pilot walked beside Alfie. It was his place to walk next to a human, one stride ahead but always near.

Although the dog was very rattled by the absence of Caroline. He grew anxious, looking out the windows and whining. Alfie couldn’t soothe him no matter what he did.

The four of them moved through the streets like phantoms every dawn and every evening.

Three more days passed and Alfie grew more and angrier. Everyone was moving too slow for him. They weren’t doing enough. Why hadn’t his wife been found yet?

On day three, Julia pushed her way into the bakery, ignoring Ollie’s warnings. She moved like a hurricane down the hallway to Alfie’s office, forcing the door open.

“How dare you?!” She shouted.

The dogs all around Alfie stood up at the intrusion. However, the man behind the desk seemed ready for the verbal lashing he felt he was due for.

“Julia, m’doing everything I fucking can…”

“You’ve got your men, those _boys_ , harassing the fucking cops!” She threw her purse down on the desk. “Telling them to stop searching for my niece.”

Low on sleep and hanging by a thread, Alfie rubbed his eyes and attempted to simply take the anger.

“Just so you can be the one to save her. When you’re the one who put her in this situation to begin with!”

The thread tore in an instant. Alfie stood up and slammed his hands on the desk top. “I’m going to fucking bring her home, Julia. Ain’t gonna have the cops swarming this area, bossing me men ‘round. Telling them to stay out of the matter. You want to wait months for them to pull the stick out their asses and find her? They won’t fucking find her alive, they’ll bring her home to us in a box!” He roared.

“She is a blind woman that’s been kidnapped; they’re putting her case as top priority.” She retorted, shaking with rage. 

Alfie scoffed. “Yeah? You fucking think so? When’ve the cops ever given a flying fuck ‘bout us, aye? Only to push us ‘round and call us stinkin’ Jews.” He retorted. “They don’t give a damn ‘bout her. I’ve got eyes everywhere now, it’s only a matter of time until I bring her home.” 

Julia gritted her teeth. “I knew I never should’ve trusted you.” She spat.

He let out a groan and slumped back in his chair.

“I should’ve stepped in when I had the chance and told her to stay away from you!” Tears formed in the woman’s eyes as she jabbed a finger at Alfie. “She had a chance to have someone who could actually take care of her!”

“Yeah? Someone you’d pawn her off to? Someone you’d pay hundreds, thousands for a dowry? Some fucking low life looking for your money, who don’t care ‘bout her?” He demanded fiercely. “So, she can rot in some estate in the countryside, fucking miserable?”

“And what is she now?” Julia screamed back at him. “Taken! Lord only knows what they’ve done to her!”

The door swung open again without a knock. Alfie stood up so violently, his desk chair pushed back and slammed into the cabinets behind him. He picked up the nearest object, a ballpoint pen, and threw it at the door. “Fucking hell, Oliver, you fucking knock!” He yelled.

The young man ducked to avoid the projectile and made haste to announce his reason for barging in. “Tommy Shelby’s here.”

Julia’s eyes widened. “You brought in those fucking animals to help you?” She hissed.

“I’ve got more men out there looking for her than the police do, Julia!” Alfie responded harshly.

“He’s said they found her.” Ollie rose his voice to be heard over the two bickering.

“What?” Alfie froze.

“They found her.”

“Mate, if you didn’t get the message, we’re in a fucking hurry.”

“Don’t harass me driver, Alfie,” Tommy spoke steadily.

“Ain’t out for a fucking Sunday drive,” Alfie muttered but leaned back in the seat.

Tommy was having them driven out to the apartment building that the Peaky Blinders had honed in on. News was from neighbors that there had been the sound of a woman screaming for help.

“Listen,” Tommy commanded. “I’ve got men watching the place now. They’ll know how many men are inside. Best thing we can do is lure them downstairs. That way they won’t have access to her and use her as a bargaining chip.”

Alfie was grateful to have Tommy there. Chances were if he’d been on his own, he’d gone in guns blazing without a plan. It helped to have a level-headed man to lead the pack sometimes. Sleep-deprived, emotional Alfie was certainly not the man that night.

But he could still put up a fight. And he damn well would.

The car pulled up to the street as discretely as possible. Arthur Shelby walked up to the window. “Four men inside, Tom.” He informed his brother. “S’far as I can tell they’re all armed.”

“Have you heard her?” Tommy asked.

“Not since we’ve been here. Light’s upstairs on the third floor we’ve seen a woman passing by couple times.” The eldest Shelby pointed out.

“Right, let’s fucking get in then.” Alfie reached into his coat to retrieve his gun.

Tommy put a hand on his arm. “We’re knocking first.”

“Knocking? Fucking hell, Tommy, d’ya want them to invite us in for tea. Me pregnant wife is in there!” Alfie snarled.

“Probably on the third floor. That’s why we need them to come downstairs. We knock, one opens the door. Kill him, the others will come down.” Tommy explained his plan.

Alfie grunted out a sigh. He hated when Tommy made sense and he certainly didn’t like to do it the ‘Peaky Blinders’ way. But he had no other option. “Fine.” He muttered and stepped out of the car. It took all his strength not to go running for the door and ram it down.

Tommy walked up to the front door with Alfie and knocked. A few moments later, footsteps came down the stairs. Alfie cocked his gun but Tommy motioned for him to wait.

The door opened to a young man. But before he even had time to ask what they were doing; Tommy wrestled the man into a chokehold.

Alfie had been at war long enough to catch onto a plan. He stepped forward and pointed his gun at the man’s forehead. “Easy question, mate, where is she?”

Sputtering for breath, the man pointed up.

“Knows how to listen, then.” Tommy removed his arm from around the man’s neck, only to grab him by the hair and slam his head into the doorjamb, knocking him out cold.

“That were supposed to be my hit, Tom,” Alfie muttered.

“You can have at him later.” Tommy motioned Arthur and two other men to drag the unconscious man away.

“Three more then.” Alfie banged on the door again.

Someone called down in Italian, but when they received no answer, more footsteps came down. Alfie grabbed the next man, pinning him to the bricks by his throat. “The other two, where are they?”

The man coughed a few times, his hands scratching at Alfie’s. 

“Answer me or I’m gonna blow your fucking brains all over this street.”

The man simply shook his head, his face turning red, then purple in quick succession.

“Fucking useless.” Alfie shoved the man down the front stoop. “I’m going in.”

“Alfie…” Tommy warned but there was no stopping him.

He held his gun level as he slowly crept up the stairs. The silence was unnerving but he pressed on. There was nothing but quiet on the second floor, the light from the third, spilling down the stairs.

Tommy figured he had no choice and followed Alfie into the flat. He nudged open the doors on the second floor but they were empty.

Alfie continued upstairs. He moved down the hallway toward where the light was coming from. The second he turned the corner, there was a gunshot followed by a piercing scream.


	20. Chapter 20

Alfie felt like every part of him had been turned to lead. His head got jerked to the left and that tipped the scales. His body, heavy with a dull ache, went crashing backward.

Stunned, he stared up at the ceiling. It felt like he was submerged underwater, sinking with every passing second. The sounds around him muffled and garbled. There was another gunshot, faint but easy to distinguish. Someone was screaming his name. Another person was shouting. Rough hands grabbed him but he could hardly feel them. He was too focused on the ceiling above him and how it slowly began to fade to black.

Alfie knew he was still awake. He could hear the indistinct sounds of those around him. But he couldn’t see a thing.

_“First time you’ve been shot, then?” She was an average looking woman, maybe in her late thirties. Nothing like the attractive blonde nurse that had all the men in the unit itching to get injured just to see her. Alfie couldn’t remember her name if she had even told him to begin with._

_“No.” He lied._

_“Yeah, can see it in your eyes.” She checked the bullet wound on his hip. “Well, I won’t lie to you and say it won’t hurt.”_

_Alfie closed his eyes and grabbed a hold of the edge of the cot. “Yeah, alright, I can handle it.” He wanted to maintain the façade of being a tough soldier. But truthfully, he had never been shot before being drafted into the military. Only been roughed up a bit and clipped with a blade a couple of times on the street._

_He was only eight months into his service when the bullet lodged in his hip. The pain wasn’t too bad but the blood was enough to convince him that he was as good as dead._

_The nurse assured him he’d be just fine._

_Alfie could never forget the sensation of the bullet being dug out of his skin. It made him cringe just thinking about it. He did his best not to shout out, sweat dripping down his forehead as his body wanted to fight against the pain. But he held firm until the bullet was out and bandages were being applied to the wound._

_The nurse rinsed off the bullet and placed it in Alfie’s hand. “Some men like to keep their first one.”_

_Breathing heavily, Alfie closed his fingers around the contorted piece of metal and thanked her._

_He lost the bullet somewhere along the way. Most likely it was buried in some trench in France. Maybe someone would find it years from now and wonder where it came from._

_It didn’t matter, Alfie still had the scar on his hip to remember it. After that, he could hardly keep track of the scars on his body. Couldn’t remember if the gunshot wound on his shoulder was the second time he was shot or the fourth. He knew the scar on his stomach that looked like a rising sun was the third time. And the fifth? Well, that was the first time he’d been shot after the War ended. From then on it was a blur._

_It was a blur._

“Alfie!” Caroline screamed as she heard the loud thud of someone falling to the ground. There were two more gunshots and a hand on her forearm. “Get off me!” She cried and fought back.

“It’s okay, I’m Tommy Shelby, I’m a friend of your husband’s.” An unfamiliar voice spoke up beside her. “Arthur!” The man yelled. “Call for an ambulance!”

Caroline staggered to her feet and felt her way out the door. “Alfie?” She whimpered. “Alfie!” She found him lying on the floor. Dropping to her knees, she tried to feel out a heartbeat from him. “Alfie, please!” As she found the pulse point on his neck, something warm dribbled down her hand. Blood.

Caroline clung onto him until the ambulance arrived. She cried and begged them to save her beloved husband. But there was nothing anyone could promise her.

She couldn’t see how grisly the scene was. It looked like half of Alfie’s face had been completely wiped out by the gunshot.

Helplessly, Caroline’s blood-soaked hand lost its grip on Alfie’s shirt as he was lifted up. She was shaking so violently she wasn’t sure if she could stand.

“I can get you to the hospital,” Tommy spoke gently to her. “He’ll be alright.”

“I-I need something to cover my hair.” She sobbed.

There was a pause and a shuffle as Tommy removed his coat. He held it out to her but she didn’t move to take it from him.

For a moment, he wondered if she had gone into shock. Then he realized the way her eyes looked like they were clouded over. Not sure what to do, seeing as Alfie hadn’t mentioned his wife was blind, Tommy reached over and placed the coat in her hand.

She took it and wrapped it around herself, using it to cover her hair. “He can’t die.” She whispered. "He's my everything. He can't die, he can't, he can't. I'm pregnant, he can't die. I can't do this without him." 

“He won’t.” Tommy helped her stand and led her downstairs. “He’ll make it.”

Next, he remembered; Alfie was waking up in an unfamiliar room. Although he wasn’t sure if it was because he’d never been there before or because he could only see the right side of it.

“Fuck.” He grumbled when he felt unbearable pain spark up in his head.

“You awake then? Or are you going to go back under?”

“Tommy, just the voice I want to hear when I wake up all fucking disoriented.”

“Just stay still.”

“Where the fuck am I?” Alfie asked, disgruntled that the man was still giving him orders.

“The hospital.”

“Why?”

“You were shot in the face.”

“Fuck, was I?” Alfie instinctually lifted a hand to touch his face.

“I’d leave it be if I were you,” Tommy warned. “Whole side of your face is stitched up. Miracle they were able to save your eye, I thought for sure you'd've lost it.”

It didn't matter what might've been. What mattered what was. “Where’s Caroline?”

“In the next room with her aunt,” Tommy answered. “Had to be calmed down a bit while they were stitching you up.”

“She alright? Those fuckers didn’t touch her?” Alfie blinked a few times, getting his bearings. Tommy’s slim form became a bit clearer albeit from what felt like tunnel vision.

“She’s okay. Failed to tell me she’s blind though, Alfie.”

The man chuckled from the hospital bed. “Did I? Yeah well, you get used to it and forget other people don’t know sometimes.”

“She asked me for something to cover her hair and I held me coat out to her.” Despite the events landing him in the hospital, Alfie laughed. “Felt like a fucking idiot,” Tommy muttered.

“Wish I coulda been there.” He sighed. “Go on and get her for me, will ya?”

Tommy nodded. “Sure.” He headed for the door but Alfie stopped him.

“And Tom, I owe you.”

“Not looking for payment, Alfie, only some groveling will do.” He replied as he walked out.

Julia led her niece to the hospital room but let the two have time alone. Caroline entered and walked until she reached the bed.

“Alfie?”

“C’mere, love, c’mere.” He tried to sit up but felt his head spin.

Caroline followed the edge of the bed until she found his arms. “Oh, Alfie, I’m so glad you’re okay.” She gasped tearfully. “I heard the gunshot an-and I thought they’d killed you.” She hiccupped. "There was so much blood." 

“Sh, sh, love, s’alright now.” The relief was almost enough to reduce the pain in Alfie’s head. It lightened his spirits. Holding her in his arms again made him feel complete.

“I’m so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry.” He whispered to her. “I can’t believe I let this fucking happen. To think what you went through.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” She argued.

“But-”

“I won’t hear it.” She hushed him. “I won’t hear it, Alfie.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, holding her close. “So, suppose I’ve got to make Cyril earn his keep as a seeing-eye dog now.”

“What?” Caroline lifted her head.

“Gun shot’s made me go blind, in one eye at least. Dunno if me vision will come back.”

“Oh, dear.” Caroline sighed anxiously. "Hopefully it'll come back. It might just take some time." 

Alfie was on enough pain killers to not care too much about the impending future. “Well, good thing you can’t see me. Can’t imagine a bullet to the face made look better. Probably a mangled mess.” He could only imagine what sort of state he was in. 

“Hush, you.” She scolded and pressed a finger over his lips. "When did looks ever mean anything to me? All that matters is you're still here with me." 

He chuckled and shook his head. His head lolled back into the pillows. “Feel so numb.”

“Sleep. You must be so exhausted.”

“Please lay with me.” He requested in a small voice. Almost like a child wanting to cuddle with a Teddy.

Caroline smiled and curled up beside him. She laced her fingers in with his and rested their joined hands over her abdomen. 


	21. Chapter 21

Pilot was extremely relieved when Caroline was returned to him. He refused to leave her side for more than a minute a few days after they were reunited. Of course, that really meant just going back and forth from Elizabeth’s home to the hospital.

Julia and Alfie didn’t want her living on her own for obvious reasons after the kidnapping. It was an adjustment period, and Caroline wasn’t sure how long it would last. Would things return to normal once Alfie was cleared to leave the hospital?

Maybe things would never go back to the way they were. Not after such an event. And not since they were due to have a baby in less than six months.

Since most of her days were sat in the hospital or at Elizabeth and Richard’s, Caroline had plenty of time to process what had happened and what was coming next.

Alfie assured her that the men who had taken her would be dealt with accordingly. That’s all he had to say on the matter. He wasn’t going to tell his wife that two men were dead and the other two were tied up in the cellar of the bakery. Waiting until Alfie was back on his feet so he could kill them properly. A long, torturous, painful death seemed suitable.

Some of his men had already roughed them up a bit to learn their motives. It was reported to Alfie that they were Italians although not officially linked to Sabini. Just a group of rabid young men who wanted the wealth and power that Darby had. Hoping to impress him, instead, they made a critical error. Even Sabini was wise enough to know that kidnapping Alfie Solomons’ blind wife was a huge mistake.

Alfie understood that but wanted to make an example out of the rogue men. To let anyone, not just the Italians, that his family was not to be messed with.

“Elizabeth had Misty write some names down for me.” Caroline arrived one day with a piece of paper in her hand. She found her usual seat beside Alfie’s hospital bed and sat.

“Names for what?” Alfie reached for his glasses. It seemed that the blindness in his left eye would be long-lasting, if not permanent. But he was coping. Some of the doctors or nurses would sympathize, expecting the man to be devastated with such a drastic change. Alfie would simply bark out a laugh and tell them that his wife had been born blind. Losing sight in one eye wasn’t the end of the world.

He’d made a similar joke when he first got to see what the bullet had done to his face. He snorted and grimaced. “Well, at least me wife is blind so she won’t leave me for looking like this.”

The nurse holding the mirror just gave an uncomfortable smile and checked his dose of pain medication to make sure he hadn’t been given more than was necessary.

“Baby names.” Caroline set her purse down and instructed Pilot to lay down by her feet.

“That right? Let’s have a look-see then.” He blinked a few times to clear up his vision. Losing half of his sight was still something he needed to get used to. Emotionally, he was just lucky the bullet hadn’t gone straight through his brain. It was easy for him to stand up, dust himself off, and resume life. But the physical limitations were a weight on him. Reading gave him a major headache, his depth perception was utterly fucked, and his right eye was still trying to adjust. But he tried not to confide these hardships to Caroline. It felt so silly complaining to her about being half-blind when she’d never seen the world. He felt it was like whining about losing a finger to someone who’d been born without arms.

So he tried to convey that everything was just peachy. 

“Zelda, yeah that’s our great-aunt’s name. James, mhm, Sarah, sure sure, Rose, Helen, Eva, Pearl, Georgia, hang on. She’s only listed one boys name, is this her way of telling us she wants it to be a girl?” He protested.

Caroline giggled. “I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by it.” She didn’t tell him that, yes, his cousin had been hoping for a girl.

Alfie grunted. “Ah, now here is a proper Jewish name for a boy. Eli. Proper good name. Not like all these fucking modern names she’s written down.”

“Did you want something more traditional?” She wondered.

“Thing is, think me mum gave me a more Western name to fit in, yeah? That way, people wouldn’t be looking down on us even more. ‘Fucking Jews and their wild names, eh? We’re English, ain’t we?’. But I ain’t naming our child outta fear. Ifya like a British name, then that’s fine. But don’t want you to name our child outta fear. Not like our parents did. People are gonna call me kid what they were named whether they like it or not. They have an issue; they can come to me and I’ll give them a well-crafted history of the chosen people. None of this…this bullshit.”

Caroline nodded slowly. She hadn’t considered his point of view before but did understand it. Knowing Alfie felt so strongly about it, she wanted to grant his wish. Besides, she wanted her child to have a meaningful name, not something that was following a trend. “So more traditional. I think we could find a beautifully Jewish name.” She murmured softly and plucked the paper from his hand. “Zelda is Yiddish. Eli is Hebrew. What else?”

“I’d hafta think about it,” Alfie admitted. He was starting to get a headache from reading the names his cousin had picked.

She took his hand in hers. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine, should be about ready to get back home. Fucking sick of this hospital.” He mumbled and squeezed her hand.

“I know. I want you home so badly.” She sighed. “I love Elizabeth and Richard but I miss being together, just us two.” 

“You can admit it, Liz can be overbearing.” Alfie chuckled.

“She is not! She’s wonderful and caring. But I miss being with you in our own home. I want to go back to Letwin or Margate.”

“I do too.” He raised her hand to kiss her knuckles. “We are due to have a very well-deserved vacation.”

“We can leave straight from here.” Caroline got swept up in the daydream of being whisked away to either of their homes outside of London. Spending quality time with the husband she thought she was going to lose.

“Well, I’ve got a few things to wrap up here before we do.” He frowned.

“Like what?”

“Like loose ends that need dealing with.”

A cold chill went down Caroline’s spine as she picked up on anger in his voice. “Alfie…whatever you’re planning I’d urge you to stop.”

“Not planning anything, love.”

“I know you’re planning.” She argued. “And you ought to tell me the truth.”

Alfie sighed and rested his head back against the pillows propping him up. He made sure not to touch his face even though he wanted to rub his weary eyes. “There are two men that are still alive. Part of the group that took you.” He told her. “They’ll be my example to those fucking-” He gritted his teeth and shook his head. “Caroline, I won’t rest until they pay and the message is well received.”

She chewed on her lower lip. Part of her wanted the men punished. After all, they had no right to do what they did. However, she knew her husband’s form of punishment was very different from the legal system. And she just wanted the ordeal to be done with. Caroline thought because she was home safe, things were done.

But of course, they weren’t. And she wasn’t sure if they’d ever be fully settled. Besides, this wasn’t an isolated matter. It was just a symptom of years of Darby and Alfie bickering and fighting back and forth.

“Alfie, will you look at me?” She reached up to find his cheek.

“I’m looking at you, love.” He replied quietly.

“What will it take to get you to give this up?” She asked, her gray eyes pleading. “We’re expecting a child. I don’t want this to continue to interrupt our lives. You were almost killed…”

“I know, Caroline, I know.” He swallowed and tried to listen with an open mind. Settling arguments with Darby was never easy, often times Alfie just didn’t _want_ to stop fighting. He felt like the man deserved what was coming to him.

“I can’t have this in my life, and I know you can’t for much longer. You need to settle things. I won’t ask you to change completely but I need to know that my family will be safe. Our family.”

“I’ll work on it.” He promised, the words coming from his heart. She was right, he didn’t want their child to see the horrors he had to. That was the point of bringing up a child, wasn’t it? To love them and to give them a better life? “Things’ll change. They will.”

Alfie returned home much to his and Caroline’s relief. The hospital was becoming very depressing and made Alfie stir crazy.

Cyril and Apollo went mad when he entered the flat. They nearly knocked him over as they jumped on him excitedly.

“Alright, alright!” He exclaimed. “Don’t push me now.” He prodded them off and patted them both. “I missed ya mutts too.”

Caroline laughed softly as Cyril whined. “They’ve been so lost without you. Kept following me around.”

“Well, at least you had good company.” Alfie chuckled. “Want some tea, love? I need something to settle me head.”

“Sure.” She let Pilot off his lead. “I’ll be in the sitting room.”

“Right, just be a mo’.” Alfie went to the kitchen and put the kettle on. He had to blink a few times to try and right his vision. He didn’t think his life would be too changed by the lack of eyesight. He could get around, right?

However, he was given a nasty wakeup call when he tried pouring the hot water into cups. He was certain he had the spout over the cup, that’s what it looked like. But it turned out his depth perception was worse than he anticipated. Boiling hot water spilled out over the kitchen counter and burned his hand.

“Fuck!” He hissed and haphazardly set the kettle back on the stovetop but missed by a couple of inches. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He went for the sink to put cold water on his hand. Reaching for the tap, he overshot and knocked a bar of soap into the sink. “Fuck!” He growled and tried again, this time grabbing air. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” Third time he managed to get a hold of the faucet and turned on the water. It took a few tries to get his hand under the stream of cold water. The string of events boggled his mind. How could he be so deceived by his own sight?

“Fuck.” He uttered one more time as the water soothed his burn.

“Alfie?” Caroline called from the next room when she heard banging around. “Are you alright?”

“Fine, love!” He replied.

Unconvinced, Caroline walked into the kitchen. “Are you sure?”

“Just burned me hand a bit.”

“Did something spill?” She frowned as her stocking-covered foot stepped in a puddle on the tiles.

“Yeah, just water. Tried pouring but-fuck-I dunno, guess I don’t see quite right with just one working eye.”

“You’ll have to adjust, that’s all.” She soothed softly and grabbed a hand towel. She found the kettle and the teacups. “Watch.”

Alfie turned off the tap and walked over. He watched carefully as she tapped the spout of the kettle to the bottom of the teacup before pouring. She kept the tip of her finger a half-inch from the rim. When the water touched her finger, she stopped.

“It’s all about learning how to live in a world that wasn’t made for you.” She poured the second cup. “You’re clever, you’ll manage. But you need to be patient with yourself.” She set the kettle down and reached a hand to him.

“Don’t have your sorta patience.” He mumbled sheepishly and took her hand.

She pulled him close and kissed his cheek. “You’ll find it.” She promised. “But it won’t be easy. Still, I’ll be by your side the entire time.”

“I fucking love you.” He murmured and kissed her properly.


	22. Chapter 22

On Alfie’s first day back to work, he tried to keep his stress level down to a minimum. He didn’t need more of a headache than he already had.

Some men who were more comfortable with their boss offered their well wishes. Saying how glad they were to hear he had recovered from the gunshot. Others didn’t say anything about the injury and made sure not to stare.

Disgruntled and feeling very uncomfortable in his own domain, Alfie was in a foul mood. Or rather nothing felt right.

Because when Ollie came knocking saying that Tommy was there, Alfie didn’t get more upset. In fact, he got a bit relieved. Perhaps because the man had been there when Alfie was shot. He’d protected his wife, helped cover her hair when she asked, delivered her to Julia, and waited at the hospital.

“Morning, Alfie.” Tommy greeted him as if it were any ordinary day. He figured that would be the best approach.

“Yeah, s’pose it is. When you’ve got people doing double-takes as you walk down the street.” Alfie attempted to sound lighthearted but he sounded a bit wounded.

Tommy took a seat. “Still in pain?” He didn’t care what people did in the streets. In fact, he’d bet that people always stared at men like them.

“Well, it ain’t a walk in the park but I’m still breathing, right?” Alfie reached for a pen to fiddle with.

Tommy couldn’t help but notice the man completely misjudged where the pen was, falling short before trying to reach further to grab it. He didn’t call attention to it though. “I can imagine the migraines are difficult. Must’ve been a lot of trauma.”

“Everything’s manageable, Tommy.”

“Right.” The Brummie nodded, realizing Alfie wasn’t in the market for any sympathy. He didn’t seem like the type to accept it.

“Thing is, mate, I’ve got two wops chained up in me basement right now.” He pointed to the ground. “They’re bleeding out, should be dead soon ‘nough thought I’d give them time to think ‘bout what they’ve done. Ain’t nothing I haven’t dealt with before. Once they’re dead, they’re dumped on Farringdon.”

“So, why’ve you called me ‘round?”

“S’all, the same thing, innit? Same message that we all understand. Yet, for some reason me wife was still kidnapped despite what I’ve demonstrated, I could do to them.”

Tommy raised an eyebrow. After all the time he’d known Alfie, he could still hardly follow the man’s train of thought. He always had the potential to go to a million different directions with his little speeches. “Get to the fucking point, Alfie.”

“The point is, I need to send a stronger message. Unthinkable happened, yeah, and those fucking lowlifes need to understand. Unthinkable happens, they receive an unthinkable punishment.”

“And what would you have me do? I helped you find her, made sure you didn’t die, and now you’re asking more from me?” Tommy wasn’t going to let him get familiar with the feeling of comradery. They weren’t allies. He would pick and choose when he wanted to help Alfie and any agreements were signed in ink. Nothing verbal. He couldn’t trust the man if his signature wasn’t on paper.

“Ain’t a favor to me, mate, it’s an opportunity for you.”

Tommy scoffed and rolled his eyes, completely unconvinced. Alfie wouldn’t give him an opportunity without something in return. “A favor? From you? Really?”

Alfie laced his fingers together and rested them on his desk. “I help you run Sabini’s men off the tracks. Enough of them that he takes notice and it hits him hard in the wallet. And when he does notice, you tell him that these are the consequences. Italians end up dead and he don’t make money from the races.”

It was tempting although Tommy wasn’t sure it was a good strategy. The best thing he could do was take the thanks for finding Caroline and go about their separate businesses. The more intertwined they got with favors and agreements; the messier things became. Still, Tommy considered the benefits. Sabini couldn’t handle both the Jews and the Blinders. They were too powerful together. So much so, in fact, that it wouldn’t be much of a fair fight.

“For how long?” Tommy asked.

“For as long as you want, mate.” He shrugged. “You want more control over the tracks, I want to send a message. Seems to work out for the both of us, don’t it?”

“I’ll think about it.”

Alfie raised an eyebrow but nodded. “Better than a no.” He ceded and reached for his cane leaning on the desk so he could stand up. But he didn’t even end up close to where the cane was and ended up with a handful of papers instead. “Fuck.” He muttered under his breath and tried again but knocked the cane over the second time around.

Tommy bent forward to pick it up and hand it to him. He noticed Alfie wouldn’t meet his eye and acted like it was just a mistake. “When I was recovering from surgery, not so long ago,” He cleared his throat, “I couldn’t even move. I’d been hit in the head so fucking hard, so many times that they really did a number on me. Was in that fucking bed for weeks. Couldn’t speak, couldn’t sit up. They had to teach me to walk again.”

“Why’re you telling me this, Tom?” Alfie asked, a bit suspicious of the man’s point.

“We were in the war; we were taught not to show weakness. If we were shot, we carried on. You and I, we don’t appreciate being disabled by anything. But that’s just the way things are, sometimes.” Tommy spoke in a gentler tone than he usually took with Alfie.

He sighed and shook his head. “Yeah, whatever.” It was difficult to admit that Tommy was right. In fact, it was hard to admit that there were things beyond his control. Just the way things were? Utter nonsense in his opinion.

Tommy withdrew from the conversation. He wasn’t in the mood to get Alfie all worked up over nothing. “Well, I hope Caroline’s well.” He stood up and gathered his cap. “I’ll think about your proposition.” He added.

“Good, good.” It was almost strange to be concluding their meeting so civilly. No death threats were slung about, no haggling of percentages, just two men conducting civil business. Maybe the bullet had done more damage than Alfie thought.

July was ending and Caroline was very optimistic. Alfie was healing very nicely. Although his sight hadn’t recovered in his left eye, his headaches were getting gradually better. The skin around his eye was lined with scars, divots in his cheek that she could feel when she touched his face. But it was a big improvement from when he was in the hospital so doped up on drugs, he couldn’t stay awake.

She was in the late stages of her pregnancy. Julia predicted the baby would be born in the last weeks of August. And according to Hanna, Camden’s most reputable midwife, everything would go smoothly.

That’s all Caroline could hope for. A manageable labor and a healthy baby. She wanted to just focus on the things that were the most important. Alfie’s recovery and their child. But familiar fears were starting to creep in, especially once the pregnancy really started to show.

Julia was appalled by the subtle rumors she heard about her niece. They were told to her by concerned neighbors. Outrageous lies that made her blood boil like how the baby would be born blind too, the baby wouldn’t make it to term or would be stillborn, Caroline had intentionally gotten pregnant to keep Alfie in the marriage, or that she wasn’t even pregnant at all.

It was maddening to Julia, but she could only angrily dispel the rumors and try to keep her niece none the wiser about what was said. Caroline didn’t need any added stress. But there was nothing she could do if she wasn’t around to shield Caroline.

One morning, with the sweltering hot summer sun on her face, Caroline headed down to the shop. Pilot led her through the streets but paused whenever someone stopped to talk to them.

“Goodness, Caroline, look at you glow!” Golde, one of their elderly neighbors crowed happily.

“Are you sure it isn’t sweat? This heat is unbearable.” Caroline smiled sheepishly and cradled her stomach.

“Nonsense, you look beautiful. Mazel tov and give my love to Alfie.”

“Yoo-hoo, Caroline!” Another neighbor, Lea, called her over. “Just in time, I’ve finished knitting that blanket I promised I’d make you.”

“Oh goodness, so quickly?” Caroline let Pilot guide her safely across the street. “You must’ve been knitting up a storm all month.”

Lea giggled. “It’s just inside, I’ll run and grab it.” She hurried into her flat to retrieve the gift.

Caroline waited by the stoop, her back turned to the street with Pilot at her feet. Only a couple of moments later, she picked up on a conversation passing by her.

“It’s like having a fish on the line, Julia isn’t going to allow Alfie to leave Caroline. What an embarrassment that would be to the family.”

Upon hearing her name, she instantly tensed up. And it didn’t help that it sounded like the same two women who had been talking about her after Seder.

“Do you even think she’s pregnant?” The other asked.

“I should hope not. What sort of child could she produce?”

Caroline was fed up. She would not run away crying this time. She would not retreat to a safe place to pick up the pieces of her dignity. No. Because with each day she carried her child, she became less and less doubtful of herself as a mother. If she was not meant to be a mother, if God hadn’t chosen her to carry this child, then the pregnancy never would’ve happened. She trusted in Julia’s assurances that this was in God’s plan for her and Alfie.

So, she turned around. “If you have something to say about me and my husband you should say it to my face.” She snapped.

There was an obvious sound of footsteps stuttering as the two women screeched to a halt. “Mrs. Solomons…” One of them uttered, a hint of dread in her voice.

“Otherwise, keep my husband’s name out of your conversations. He is of no interest to you.” Her grip on Pilot’s lead tightened in anger.

“We didn’t-”

“Soon enough you can talk about how perfect my child is. Apparently, you enjoy being jealous.” And with that, Caroline turned away from the women who looked absolutely gobsmacked.

“Here it is then.” Lea came out of the flat. She glanced toward the two women who were scurrying away, trying to escape the situation. “Everything alright?” She noticed the frown on Caroline’s face.

“Of course, it’s just so hot out.” She replied, softening her features.

“It really is.” Lea folded up the blanket and guided Caroline’s hand to feel it. “Softest yarn I could find. A beautiful cream color and it should be easy to wash.”

“Oh, Lea, thank you so much. This is such a lovely gift.” Caroline ran her fingertips over the soft fibers of the knitted blanket.

“It’s the least I could do.” Her neighbor tucked the blanket into Caroline’s basket. “ _Mazel tov._ ”

She beamed and almost wanted to congratulate herself for standing up to the women who had torn her down before. “I’ll see you soon, Lea. Thank you, again.”

It was long past dinner by the time Alfie returned home. He trudged into the kitchen where their maid was cleaning out the icebox.

“Sorry to keep ya waiting, Candace.” He waved an apologetic hand her way as he slumped down into a chair to unlace his boots. Cyril and Apollo crowded around him, scratching at his legs to greet him.

“No worries, Mr. Solomons.” Candace was a young woman who had recently moved from Ireland to London. She applied to the position that Alfie had placed in the paper. Someone needed to tend after the house, to help out Caroline when she needed, and someone who could look after the baby should they need assistance. It was an extreme vetting process, but Alfie didn’t care. He wanted to make sure the person in his household for hours on end, alone with his wife and child had a squeaky-clean record.

Candace passed the test and was hired months earlier to get settled before the baby arrived. She proved to be a nice girl with all the best intentions. She spoke respectfully and did her job well. It may have been that Alfie was paying her top dollar for the position, but Caroline seemed to think she was a genuine person. The two got along well and often times, when Alfie came home, he could find them chattering away with each other.

“Carrie’s upstairs?” He asked, nudging the dogs to the side so he could remove his boots.

“In the nursery.” She confirmed.

“Good, have a good night then.” He dismissed her as he was about to leave the kitchen.

“You too, sir.” Candance shut the icebox and reached around her waist to remove her apron. But she paused. “Erm, Mr. Solomons?”

“Hm?” He stopped in the doorway.

“Well, I didn’t want to alarm Mrs. Solomons, but there have been men coming down the street. I haven’t quite gotten a good look at any of them, but I believe it’s the same group of people. They’ve been leaving flyers on the doorstep. Not just here but all up and down the street. I haven’t kept any because…well, they were just so awful and I thought they might stop soon.”

Alfie’s jaw tensed. “What do they say?” He asked.

Candace averted her eyes and chewed on her lip. “They’re lies about Jews. Just awful, awful things. And I didn’t want to worry you or Mrs. Solomons because of the baby coming soon. But I’m afraid what will happen if they keep coming by. I want to make sure Mrs. Solomons is kept safe.” Her voice went up an octave in panic.

Alfie sighed. “Alright, alright, s’okay. You ‘n Caroline aren’t in any danger if you stay in the house. But if they come ‘round again, you call me, yeah? Call the bakery and let me know. If they leave something else, you keep it so I can look over it.”

She nodded. “Okay, I will.”

He noticed how shaken she was. “Right, can I call Ishmael to drive you home?” He offered.

“Oh, no. I’ll be alright.” She went to gather her coat and purse.

“Stay here.” Alfie knew she was just trying to be polite. “Let me ring him and he’ll be ‘round soon.”

Candace nodded meekly. It was a welcome gesture of security, so she went to wait by the stairs.

Alfie went up to ring his driver before going to find Caroline. She was in the nursery with Pilot, idly straightening and moving things around. A clear indication that she just couldn’t wait for their son or daughter.

In fact, she often spent time in the room, just to sit or touch the items they’d bought in preparation. Soft swaddles, a cot, and plush toys. There were a few storybooks lined up on a shelf. Some were in braille so Caroline could read to the baby too.

As Alfie walked in, he saw her neatly folding a cream knitted blanket over the side of the cot. “That’s new, innit?” He sometimes lost track of all the things they’d bought.

“Lea gave it to me today. She said she just finished making it.” Caroline smiled and smoothed her hands over the blanket.

“Well, that is very nice, very nice.” He walked over to see the gift. “I’ll have to send her my thanks.”

Caroline touched his shoulder. “I’m very excited.” She murmured.

“I am too. Can't wait." That was what they needed to look forward to. Not gossiping neighbors. Not fascists looking to start trouble. 


	23. Chapter 23

“Mornin’ Timothy.” Alfie reached into his pocket to retrieve a few coins.

“Good to see you, Mr. Solomons.” However, the young boy didn’t smile when he handed over the newspaper.

“Bad news?” Alfie put the coins in the boy’s hand and unfolded the paper.

_“Hurrah for the Blackshirts!”_

Alfie frowned, reading the headline a couple of times to see if it was a joke or not. “Unbelievable.” He mumbled.

Timothy didn’t know what the headline meant but everyone he sold the paper to had a similar reaction. No one in the Jewish community was happy this type of ideology was gaining support. It was most likely why those men had been spreading propaganda around his street like Candace had seen.

“People are really thick sometimes, Timothy.” Alfie sighed and tucked the newspaper under his arm. “All I’ve got to say ‘bout that.”

“Mr. Solomons!” Someone shouted from down the street. “Mr. Solomons!”

He turned to see Candance making a mad dash toward him. “Where’s Caroline?” Of course, past events made him terrified. Had she been taken again while he was gone? Had something happened?

“She’s at home. Her water broke.” She was gasping for air by the time she reached him.

Alfie stared blankly at her. “Erm…her what?”

“She’s gone into labor, the baby’s coming.”

Pilot was frustrated beyond belief. There were too many people in his space and they just kept arriving. First Alfie and Candace returned back and shooed the Newfoundland away from Caroline. Then Julia arrived. Next was Elizabeth and Richard. They were all talking at once, arguing about things Pilot didn’t understand. More family members arrived, cousins and aunts who all had a say. And they all took up space, blocking Pilot’s access to Caroline. The large dog paced back and forth but couldn’t get to the bedroom.

Finally fed up, Pilot snapped at Richard who was standing by the stairs.

“Oi, what’s that about, aye?” Alfie frowned and grabbed the dog by the harness. “C’mon, you and your brothers can wait in the study.” He herded the three dogs into his study and shut the door.

Caroline was up in the bedroom, things had been chaotic ever since her water broke and she sent Candace to find Alfie. Her husband had arrived in a panic. He called practically the entire family over because he had no idea what to do.

Julia sat beside her niece, holding her hand reassuringly. “Call Hanna again.” She instructed Alfie.

“She’s already left the house, she won’t answer the fucking phone,” Alfie replied as he paced by the door. 

“Alfie, please take a deep breath,” Caroline begged. “Everything is going to be okay.”

“Right, I trust that, yeah, but I ain’t ever had a kid before so I don’t fucking know what to do.” Despite the long months, Alfie realized that he still wasn’t prepared to be a father. Of course, he wasn’t sure if he ever would be. There wasn’t a manual for parenting.

“Just sit down.” Julia moved from her niece’s side to pull a chair up next to the bed. “Sit down, I’ll get you tea. There’s no telling how long she’ll be in labor.”

It was the first time that Alfie really trusted that Julia knew best about the situation. Although she wasn’t a mother herself, she’d been present at several births before. So he listened and sat down.

“Where’s Pilot?” Caroline asked as her husband took her hand in his.

“I put him in the study with Apollo and Cyril. He made a go for Richard, which is fucking hilarious, innit? But I figured it be best, right, if they were kept away from all the madness. Like a family reunion down there.”

“Promise me you won’t let all of them in here.” She moaned in horror at the thought of all the family crowding around her.

“’Course not, they’ll stay downstairs. They just wanted to be here for support. Think Elizabeth wants the first to see the baby, me aunt is probably already cooking, and well, you know how news spreads.”

Caroline laughed softly. “I know.”

He smiled and brushed back her hair. “You scared?” He wondered, mostly because he was terrified.

“I was initially. But, I’m not right now.” She took a deep breath and rested their joined hands over her stomach. “Maybe I will be later but I…I know that we’ll be okay. I’m not scared with you here.”

“I love you.” He whispered and leaned forward to kiss her forehead.

A couple of hours later, Caroline was much further into her labor. Hanna, the midwife had arrived and was coaching her through breathing as they checked progress.

Alfie and Julia remained by Caroline’s side. She clutched onto her husband’s hand as she cried through the contractions. It gutted Alfie, knowing there was nothing he could do but let her squeeze the daylights out of his hand.

As if the room wasn’t chaotic enough, the sound of howling had started up downstairs. 

“That’s Pilot.” Caroline panted.

“Why’s he howling?” Alfie hadn’t so much as heard the dog bark a few times before. He was a silent giant in and outside the house.

“He must hear Caroline.” Julia stood up. “I’ll go get him.”

Alfie furrowed his brow. “You think it’s a good idea to have a fucking dog here right now?” But Julia had already left.

“It’s okay.” Caroline closed her eyes and braced herself through another contraction.

“Keep breathing,” Hanna instructed from the foot of the bed.

“Keep breathing, love.” Alfie echoed and dabbed the sweat from Caroline’s face. “Almost done.” At least, he prayed it was almost done. He was anxious to come out of the labor with everything going okay. He wanted to be assured that his wife and child both made it out safely. Healthy and happy. That’s all he needed. He would set fire to everything in his life if it meant they were happy at the end of the day. That was the first promise he would make to his child.

The door opened and a big mass of fur pushed his way to the side of the bed. Pilot nosed his way to Caroline’s hand, gently licking it to reassure her that he was there.

“Oh, good boy.” Caroline couldn’t find the strength to reach out to pat him.

“She’s alright,” Alfie assured the dog, giving him a loving scratch behind the ears.

Pilot, from then on, remained one of Caroline’s supporters in the room. One could argue that he was one of her calmest supporters as he remained a large, peaceful presence in the room. Meanwhile, Alfie was constantly reminding his wife to breathe even when she was breathing. He was only trying to mask his absolute panic.

“Alright, here we go.” Hanna alerted. “Big push!”

Caroline let out a pained yell and dug her fingernails into Alfie’s hand.

He didn’t protest one bit. “Hear ya, love. I’ve gotcha, m’right here.” He couldn’t imagine the kind of pain or strength she had to endure to give birth. It was something he wasn’t keen on thinking about because it would make him grimace in discomfort. Alfie had known pain but he wasn’t sure any of it came close to childbirth.

“It’s a girl!” Hanna announced as she moved the newborn to a blanket.

“A girl!” Julia gasped with joy.

Alfie looked up and it felt like the world was spinning a bit slower. There she was. His child. His daughter. “Fucking hell,” He let out a shaky laugh and felt his eyes sting with the onset of tears. “Look at her. Oh, Carrie’s she’s got your aunt’s red hair. S’like fire, it is.” He laughed and shook his head.

Then the baby let out a wail that could probably be heard from France.

“Well, she certainly sounds like a Solomons.” Julia quipped.

“Let me clean her up.” Hanna wrapped the crying child in a blanket and brought her into the bathroom.

“She’s healthy?” Caroline asked.

Alfie turned to answer but was met with a grim sight. His wife looked deathly pale and suddenly didn’t seem to have any energy. “Carrie? Are you okay?” He quickly moved back to her side. 

“Is she healthy?” She asked again, ignoring or simply not hearing her husband’s question.

Julia looked alarmed too. “Caroline…” She touched her niece’s face.

“Did she look healthy? Is anything wrong?” Her voice grew fainter.

“Hanna!” Alfie shouted for the midwife.

That’s when Julia gasped. She lifted the sheets near Caroline, showing Alfie a dark red stain. 


	24. Chapter 24

In the very first moments of Chava Solomons’s life, she was cradled to her father’s chest. He used one arm to hold her snug to him. His other hand was holding her mother’s limp hand.

The room was loud, louder than she could cry. The woman who delivered her was doing her best to stem the bleeding. The only thing they could do until the doctor arrived.

Julia repeated prayer after prayer over her niece, begging her to be okay. They remained this way until Doctor Isaac Marsh arrived. Hanna explained what happened and the experienced doctor got to work. But not before he urged Alfie and Julia to wait downstairs.

Alfie was going to kick off, saying he had every right to stay beside his wife, but Hanna managed to get him to leave.

“I want to finish checking her over.” Hanna gently removed Chava from his arms and led Alfie and Julia downstairs.

But Julia’s legs gave in halfway down the stairs. She clutched her handkerchief to her chest with a grief-stricken sob.

Alfie had never seen the woman so distraught before. She always held a steady measure about her. He’d seen her upset but mostly because she was angry with him. He had never seen her vulnerable. Just as she had never seen him vulnerable.

He felt in a daze as he helped her up. His daughter was crying downstairs as his wife bled upstairs. Still, he was the man of the house. He had to keep everything together as long as he was still breathing.

“I can’t lose her, Alfie. She’s everything to me.” Julia cried weakly.

“I know.” He helped her back to her feet and supported her down the rest of the steps. “We ain’t gonna lose her. She’ll be alright. She’s resilient.” He assured her.

As Hanna made sure Chava was healthy, Alfie got Julia settled into an armchair. Only Richard and Elizabeth had stayed the length of the labor. The other family members had gone home to wait for the call that the baby had been born.

Richard came out of the kitchen when he heard their footsteps. “Why is the doctor here?” He asked Alfie, following him into the parlor.

“Alfie?” Elizabeth called from the kitchen. “Alfie, what’s going on?”

“Caroline’s bleeding bad.” He explained as best he could without losing his nerve. It reminded him of all the times he had to be the man of the house, the protector. When his father abandoned them, Alfie had to hold everything together. When rent was due, when there was damp in the flat, when there just wasn’t enough food to be had, he had to keep calm for the sake of his mother. He had to keep breathing or the roof would come crashing down.

“Will she be okay?” Richard asked as his wife came out of the kitchen with Buck.

“I don’t know, he didn’t say.” Alfie couldn’t block out Julia’s tearful prayers. He heard her offer anything and everything to God, just as long as He didn’t take her Caroline. Alfie knew he would do the same if given the chance. There wasn’t much of a debate in his eyes about whose life was worth more. A lovely, compassionate, kind woman was worth far more than he ever would be. He’d give everything to know she would be okay.

Elizabeth clapped a hand to her mouth in shock. She found her husband’s hand and gripped it tightly.

“It’s alright.” He assured her and kissed her temple. “Doctor Marsh is a very respectable doctor.”

“What about the baby?” Elizbeth asked with a hint of dread.

“She’s healthy,” Alfie reported. “Hanna will bring her out in a moment.” His heart ached. The first moments of his daughter’s life were supposed to be a joyous occasion. But he had to spend them worrying over his wife. He almost felt guilty because she deserved to be doted on in her first hours, to be held by her mother, and adored by relatives. Instead, she was fussing in the arms of the midwife who tried to soothe her.

“Alfie, come take her.” Hanna came out with the wriggling bundle. “Maybe she’ll take to you a bit better.”

Alfie highly doubted it but took Chava in his arms. He was so overwhelmed that he had to step away from everyone, taking his daughter into his study. He shooed the dogs out of the room before he sat down.

Chava whined and whimpered but she began to settle as he laid her against his chest, resting her head near his heart.

It was the first time he really got a good look at her. She was so much smaller than he expected. Everything about her didn’t seem real. Her tiny little fingers and button nose. But she certainly looked like him when she scrunched up her face as she tried to settle in his arms. She had a downy bit of hair that was already a fiery auburn color. She was absolutely perfect. Alfie was a bit hesitant on the idea of love at first sight. Of course, he fell for Caroline pretty quickly. But the instant connection he felt to Chava was indescribable. He felt the unwavering need to protect her.

“That’s it, I know.” He soothed in a soft voice. “I know you’d rather have mum holding you, yeah, but you’ve got me for the time being. Ain’t so bad, aye? Better than being stuck in mum’s belly, right?” But he could hardly even smile. He wouldn’t be complete until his Caroline was back in his arms again.

It felt like a lifetime waiting for Dr. Marsh to come back downstairs. He was met with an anxious family.

“She’s awake and recovering. The bleeding was a bit more than we’d usually see during delivery but there don’t seem to be any more complications that I can see. I would ask that she have another check-up in a couple of days to make sure.”

Relief washed over everyone. Julia praised God and wiped her tears from her eyes.

“Mr. Solomons, she asked to see you and your daughter alone for now.”

Alfie nodded and brought Chava upstairs. Nudging open the door with his hip, he was so happy to see Caroline awake again.

“Ya know, someone’s been very impatient to meet you.” He said and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Oh, Alfie, is she okay?” After waking up from fainting, Caroline was in quite a state. She was terrified she had lost the baby.

“She’s perfect, love.” He gently placed Chava in her arms.

Caroline held back her tears as best she could. The warm bundle in her arms moved about slightly. She made a soft cooing sound and a little hand touched her arm.

“I was so fucking worried,” Alfie whispered. “I thought I’d lost you-” His voice stuck in his throat.

“Alfie…”

“Just stay here with us, please.” He begged quietly. “I ain’t ready to lose you.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Julia stayed with the new parents for a week after the chaotic birth. They all went to Letwin to have some peace and quiet. Meanwhile, Julia assisted with what they needed and to help them both acclimate. After all, there would be things Alfie needed to help Caroline with. Things he had little to no experience of doing. Things like changing nappies and giving baths.

Alfie thought it was remarkable of Caroline’s aunt to be so patient with them. It certainly wasn’t easy teaching anyone how to be a parent. And Alfie felt utterly incompetent. Caroline seemed much more confident. She got nursing down in a second and was arguably better at nappy changing than Alfie was.

But Julia reassured them that they were both doing wonderful for first-time parents. She had been hesitant, knowing that Caroline would be having a child with such a notorious figure in the community. Someone who was known for violence and other unsavory things. But when she saw Alfie holding his daughter, she had little doubt that he would be a suitable father.

One afternoon, Caroline was taking a much-deserved nap. When she awoke, she heard gentle splashing coming from the master bathroom. She got up and tied a robe around herself before going in.

Alfie was knelt by the tub where he was supporting Chava in a smaller basin filled with water. He heard Caroline get up and smiled. “Well-rested?”

“Very much so. Thank you for watching her.”

“Just giving her a wash now, Julia just went downstairs to get a softer cloth.” He trickled some of the warm water over Chava’s hair.

Caroline knelt down and found her daughter’s tiny little hand. “Is that my little Chavaleh? Is papa giving you a bath?”

The baby blew bubbles and wrapped her hand around her mother’s fingers.

“I swear, she’s got that same dimple you do. Right to the left of your lips. Julia says she won’t smile for a bit, but when she’s yawning, I thought I could see it there.” Alfie said. He marveled at how small Chava was and the little things she did. How she stretched and kicked her feet. The little expressions that she made when she was hungry or tired. Everything was so new to him and it felt like such a fresh breath of air. He wasn’t hunkered down at the bakery doing the same old shit day after day. It was something so exciting yet terrifying. It was a similar feeling to when he first started seeing Caroline. He was thrilled but so scared he’d mess it all up.

But there was his wife, ready to assure him. “You’re so good with her.” Caroline murmured and leaned into his side.

“Be honest, I don’t what the fuck I’m doing. But I figure s’long as she’s happy, that’s something.” He chuckled.

“It’s instinct.” She agreed. “But she loves you already, I can tell.” 

Alfie smiled. “Yeah, she knows she’ll have me wrapped ‘round her pinky finger in no time.”

“You already are wrapped around her finger.” Caroline teased and kissed his cheek.

“Well, then I’m really fucked, right. ‘Cause she’ll be smart, won’t she? Fucking smart enough to know that I won’t be able to say no to her. Grown up spoiled. ‘Papa, can I have a pony? Papa, can we go to Italy and France and America? Papa, can I have a car?’ And I won’t be able to say no, ‘cause she’s me little girl, ain’t she? Just like her mother, can’t say no to her.” 

Caroline laughed. “Then I suppose you ought to put some money aside for her because if she’s anything like her father, she’ll have a taste for expensive jewelry.”

Alfie groaned. “You’re right. Or maybe, she’ll be a bit more humble like her mum? What d’you think?” 

She rested her cheek on his shoulder, letting Chava hold her fingers. “I suppose only time will tell. But I can’t wait for every moment of it.”

He was going to make a quip about smelly nappies or crying in the middle of the night but he realized he’d be lying if he wasn’t looking forward to every moment of it too.


	25. Chapter 25

Once Julia went home, Alfie and Caroline were sort of left on their own. Granted, they had extra hands to help them around Letwin but neither of them was willing to hand over responsibility of their child to just anyone. Eventually, Candace would probably take more on once Alfie went back to work. But that was something they were putting aside for the time being. Instead, they were focusing on the first weeks of their beloved daughter’s life.

Just the little moments they shared as a new little family. Things they might not appreciate as much if they went on to have more children. Although that was the last thing on their mind. Especially after the frightening labor that Caroline went through. And, the sleepless nights they endured.

One such night, Alfie woke to hear Chava’s cries from next door. “I’ll get her, love.” He murmured to Caroline who started to stir about the same time he did. Pulling himself out of bed, Alfie yawned and plodded to the nursery. Apollo followed him, a bit interested in the crying, his ears perked up. It appeared only Cyril and Pilot had gotten used to the baby crying. They usually woke but just turned over and went back to sleep.

Alfie turned on a lamp in the nursery, setting a soft glow over the room. “What’s wrong, _sheifale?_ ” He asked gently as he scooped her up out of the cot.

Chava’s fists were clenched in discontent as she wailed. Julia had been right when the little girl was born, she had a set of lungs on her like nothing Alfie had ever heard before. But Alfie only said it meant she would be outspoken when she was grown.

“Yeah, I’ve gotcha.” He soothed. “What’s got ya down, love, aye?” He lifted her up a bit to see if she needed to be changed. “Phew, well no wonder you’re crying. That’s quite the stink you’ve made, little miss.” He chuckled and set her down on the changing table. Apollo walked over and curiously sniffed at Chava’s hair. “See, you’ve got Apollo sniffing at ya now. Ain’t a good sign when you’ve got a dog tryna smell you.” He shooed Apollo off so he could change Chava’s nappy. “There, nice and clean.” He lifted her back up and kissed her cheek. “Now you can go back off to dreamland again.”

Chava seemed content in his arms but the second he laid her back down in the cot, she began to fuss again. She kicked her feet and whined unhappily.

Alfie looked perplexed. “Are you hungry?” He asked, scooping her back up. “Alright, alright, let’s go see mum then.” With Apollo at their heels, Alfie brought Chava into the bedroom.

Caroline turned over when she heard her daughter. “Alf?”

“She might be hungry, dunno. I changed her but she started crying again.” He explained.

“Oh okay.” She sat up with a yawn and slipped off a sleeve of her nightgown so she could nurse.

Alfie placed Chava in her arms but the baby didn’t seem to want to latch. Instead, she cried louder.

“I think she just wants to be held.” Caroline couldn’t think of any other reason why she would be so upset.

Her husband looked a little confused but it was too late to be questioning her. “Alright…” He picked Chava up again. And she did seem to quiet down once she was in his arms.

Caroline adjusted her nightgown and laid back down. “There you go. She just wants you to hold her.”

“Well, I can’t hold her all night, Carrie.” He replied, but his wife was already dozing off again. Alfie sighed and took his daughter back to the nursery. He got comfy in the rocking chair by the window, letting Chava lay on his chest. “The second you fall asleep I’m going back to bed, love.” He warned as if she could understand what he was saying. He often talked to the newborn as if she did know what he was saying. Caroline did the same. Neither of them could explain it, but it just felt like an endearing thing to do. Plus, Alfie noticed that when Caroline was speaking to Chava, the baby started to nod off, soothed by her mother’s voice. 

Chava made a noise of displeasure, scrunching up her little nose and whining.

“S’alright, I won’t leave until you’re asleep.” He promised and rubbed her back. He sighed and rocked back and forth slowly in the chair. Hoping he could talk her to sleep, he continued on. “Did mum tell you what your name meant? She picked it out couple weeks ‘fore you were born. It’s a good Hebrew name, means ‘to live’. Thought it was fitting. Now if you happened to be a boy, we would’ve named you Eli. That was my choice, means ‘my God’. Figure it was a strong name. But God blessed us with you and we wouldn’t want it any other way.” He smiled and let Chava grab onto his pointer finger. “We can always save the name if your mother has a boy in the future. Or maybe we’ll only have girls. Oy, can you imagine a house full of girls? All complaining about…boys and clothing…or whatever the hell girls worry about these days.” He chuckled. “Might make my hair go grey.”

Chava yawned and her eyes slid closed as her father spoke softly to her.

“You’ll be like your papa though, won’t you? Tough as nails? Intelligent? Probably more intelligent than me, one could only hope.” Alfie’s voice trailed off as his mind began to wander. He wasn’t sure the kind of life he’d be giving his daughter. The occupation he chose had already proven dangerous to his wife. Now that Chava was born, his brain couldn’t help but go to the worst-case scenario. Realistically, he could keep an infant safe. She could stay at Letwin with Caroline, there was no reason to raise her in Camden Town. It was far too dangerous there. No, she had to be kept in safety as long as possible. But beyond that, there wasn’t much he could do. When she went to school, when she wanted to go out to play, or when she wanted a life of her own outside of the safe arms of her parents. Alfie could close up shop, but that didn’t scrub away the past. He worried that even if he did retire, that wouldn’t keep the vultures away.

For the longest time, Alfie expected to die by the sword. To die doing what he did every day. To have some sharpshooter get lucky. If that wasn’t the case, then he’d probably die an old man alone in Margate. If someone came to kill him then, maybe some vengeful widow or outstanding debt, he probably wouldn’t even put up a fight. Why would he? His life would be complete at that point, no use dying a fool.

Never in a million years did he imagine himself sitting in a nursery, holding his daughter while his wife slept in the next room over. Since the impossible came true, he would have to adjust his plans. Adjust his will. Adjust his outlook of life. If someone came knocking, he’d fight until he was drained of blood. Nothing would stop him from keeping his family safe.

He didn’t have to tell Chava or Caroline that, they would know.

When Chava Solomons began to sit up and crawl, she became the hellion everyone expected from a child of Alfie Solomons.

Alfie had gone back to work, much to his own dismay. But duty called. No one could think that he was going soft because he was a father.

That’s when Candance had to take on a more hands-on role. Before, Caroline could manage quite well. But once Chava started to crawl away from her, she found it difficult to take care of everything on her own. 

At first, Chava wouldn’t go very far. She could only really roll over and sit up. But once she got a taste of freedom, crawling everywhere she could possibly reach, she was hard to rein in. And there wasn’t much they could do to quell her fascination for adventure. If Caroline tried to keep her in her arms, Chava would scream and cry until she was put down. So, her mother had no choice but to cave in.

Candace did what she could to try and take a more backseat approach. She didn’t want to undermine Caroline, and take on the position of mother. Instead, she was more content of being a nanny when Caroline needed a rest or just an overall infant wrangler.

Caroline was grateful for Candy’s help but she couldn’t help but feel a little defeated. She made her thoughts known one night when Alfie came home. 

“Alright, alright, yeah I came back like every other fucking night.” Alfie fended off the three large dogs as they scrambled over each other to greet him at the door. “Nothing new here, nothing new.” He picked up a rope toy and tossed it so they’d lose interest in him.

“Alfie?” Caroline called from the parlor adjacent to the foyer.

“Yeah, love, I’m home.” He went about taking off his coat and hat.

There was a small coo as Chava crawled out into the doorway.

“Hey there, Chavaleh, did you escape mum again?” He scolded playfully and bent down to scoop her up. “Can’t go wandering around.”

Chava giggled and clapped her hands together, almost reveling in her ability to give her mother the slip.

Alfie went into the parlor to find a mess of toys on the floor. The door to the dining room was closed and the entire room seemed to be in a disarray. The cords to the lamps were lifted off the ground, the ends of the curtains had been tied up, anything loose had been either removed or secured, and all the pillows had been carefully tucked away. “Ah, I see Candace has Chava-proofed this room.”

Caroline looked tired from her spot on the floor. She was trying to gather up any toys she could find. Pilot was lying beside her also looking a little worse for wear. “Alfie, she’s gotten so much worse.” She said in a defeated voice. “She won’t even go down for a nap anymore, she just wants to wander around the house. She just cries when I hold her.” 

True to form, Chava began to try and wriggle out of her father’s arms, pushing at his shoulder. Alfie set her down and watched as she crawled to the small pile of toys her mother had managed to get control of.

“Should put one of Cyril’s leashes on her.” Alfie joked.

But his wife wasn’t in the mood to laugh. She frowned. “I can’t keep up with her so Candy has to step in and I just…I feel useless. All I can do is nurse, change her nappy, and put her to bed.”

Alfie sighed and lowered himself to the floor beside her with a grunt. “Well, I could try to convince you about how good of a mother you are, but I doubt you’ll listen to me. You never listen to me when you’re cranky like this.” He ran a thumb over her cheek.

She batted his hand away. “I’m not cranky.”

“Then talk to me, love.” He coaxed.

Caroline swallowed and shook her head. “I was so stupid. I felt so confident before. I felt like all these worries I had about being a mother were silly. I could take care of her when she could hardly do anything but cry. Now she can practically run circles around me and there’s nothing I can do. She doesn’t want to be around me at all. She’s hot and cold. First, she wants a cuddle then she doesn’t even want me to touch her.” A tear slipped down Caroline’s cheek. 

“Oh, love.” He wiped the tear from her cheek and kissed her forehead. “We knew it would be an adjustment, right? S’fucking hard enough to be a parent but you do it blind. Do you know how much respect I have for you for that? Carrie, I could never compete with you because you take every obstacle life hurls at you and you handle it with so much grace. Think about when she gets older, yeah? When she’s old enough to understand? You’ll be her hero, won’t you? You cared for her and did everything you could no matter what.” He murmured softly.

Caroline sniffled and bit her lip. “I just don’t feel like I’m enough for her.”

Chava crawled over to Pilot and gurgled happily. She adored the dogs and they loved her right back. They were never rough with her and always let her play with their ears or tails. Pilot was especially patient as he’d been trained to be. He didn’t even flinch as she patted a hand on his stomach.

“You’re more than enough for her, Caroline. Trust me. I’m just sorry she got so much of my personality.” He chuckled.

“As if we had any control.” She finally let a smile break through her tears. “I should’ve expected her to be so rambunctious.”

“If me mum were alive, she’d have more than enough stories to tell ya.” He agreed and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to his side. “Solomons children aren’t easy.” He admitted.

“Well, we’ll just have to adjust and adapt.” Caroline yawned and rested into the crook of his arm. “Thank you.”

“For what, love?” He asked softly.

“For reminding me that I’m more than what people think of me. No one has ever thought of me as highly as you do.” She closed her eyes as he rubbed her shoulder comfortingly.

Chava abandoned Pilot and went to crawl up Caroline’s legs. Alfie scooped her up and cradled her with his free arm. Holding both his wife and daughter in his arms was unexplainable. He felt so blessed to have them and his goal to keep them safe was met, for the time being, because he could keep them close. Nothing else on God’s green Earth could make him feel as needed and loved as Caroline and Chava.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yiddish   
> Sheifale-Lamb


	26. Chapter 26

“Carrie, Tommy’s here!” Alfie called. He let the curtain fall back in place and went to the front door.

Tommy stepped out of his luxury car and nodded. “Alfie.” He greeted in his usual, curt fashion.

“Tommy, mate, you find it alright?” Alfie asked, grabbing Apollo’s collar as he attempted to dash by. Still young, but practically the size of a miniature pony, the mastiff could come off aggressive to strangers, but he really was just trying to greet them affectionately. He just didn’t understand how big he was sometimes.

Cyril plodded over and lowered his head for Tommy to pat, knowing how to correctly get attention from a visitor. 

“I’ve learned to navigate these country roads a bit better.” Tommy nodded and gave Cyril a scratch behind the ears.

“They all look the fucking same, mate. Not like the city, nah.” Alfie reined Apollo back into the house. “C’mere, you big oaf.”

Caroline greeted them in the foyer with Chava in her arms. “Tommy, I hope you’re well.”

“Mrs. Solomons.” He shrugged off his coat and cap and let one of the maids take them. “I’ve been alright, can’t complain.”

Tommy’s visit was initially meant to be purely based on business, just a quick meeting and that was that. But when Caroline heard he was dropping in; she urged her husband to invite the Brummie to dinner. Alfie said unequivocally, no. Caroline argued that she never had the opportunity to thank Tommy for saving their lives. Alfie said he’d thanked him plenty of times. More than once, and that was rare for him. But she _herself_ hadn’t thanked him and that simply would not do.

So, Alfie begrudgingly invited Tommy to dinner, and to his surprise, the Blinder accepted.

“This is the little one then, aye?” Tommy smiled at the toddler.

“This is Chava.” Caroline beamed with pride.

“Hello, Chava. What is she, six months now?”

“No mate, it’s _Ch_ ava.” Alfie corrected.

Tommy frowned. “That’s what I said, Alfie.”

“S’a different sound. Comes from the back of your throat. It’s Yiddish.”

“Alfie, it’s alright.” Caroline cut in before they had to really introduce Tommy to a different pronunciation. “She’ll be eight months next week.” She changed the conversation for the benefit of everyone.

“Time passes quickly with them doesn’t it? Charlie outgrows everything in just a couple of days it seems.”

Caroline sighed and set Chava down. “She has taken on quite the personality. I blame her father for that.”

Alfie chuckled and shrugged. “Eh, you married me.”

His wife couldn’t help but smile.

One of the maids, Laura came into the foyer. “Dinner will be ready soon. Would you like a drink, Mr. Shelby?”

“Tommy, mate, we’ve got whiskey if you’re interested. Think it’s Irish. Got gin too.” Alfie offered.

“Whiskey’s fine.” He nodded.

“Laura, will you grab the bottle to make sure it’s Irish. And take Chava to Candance.”

“Of course, Mr. Solomons.” Laura picked up Chava and brought her upstairs.

“We can go to the dining room.” Alfie offered linked arms with Caroline to bring her to the dining room. “I tell ya, Tommy, s’not fucking easy to get used to this place. Figure you’d get it, growing up dirt poor then moving into a fucking castle. Get lost sometimes, Carrie’s even better at finding her way ‘round.”

Caroline smiled and squeezed her husband’s arm almost as a thanks for being so hospitable toward Tommy.

Toward the end of the night, Caroline excused herself to nurse Chava while Alfie showed Tommy out.

The Blinder struck up a cigarette as he walked out to his car. He hadn’t smoke in the house as he’d gotten a dirty look from Alfie when he pulled out his cigarette tin.

The two stopped on the steps for a moment. The sun had set and crickets had started to chirp in the bushes and grass.

“You have a lovely wife, Alfie,” Tommy remarked.

“You say that like it’s a fucking surprise.”

He snorted and shook his head. “Not at all.”

Alfie crossed his arms over his chest and kicked a bit of gravel off the steps. “You wouldn’t be wrong in thinking that. I mean you can see, she’s a gift from God, ain’t she? Not really a match made in heaven though, with someone like me.”

Tommy exhaled a breath of smoke and shrugged. “I try not to question how things happen. She came into your life, you got married, you had a child, if that wasn’t meant to happen then it wouldn’t happen, aye? He tapped a bit of ash off the end of his cigarette. “You two make a good pair in my opinion.”

It was strange, to say the least. The two hadn’t really talked as friends before. But there had been a significant change in their dynamic after Tommy had stepped in to help find Caroline. And now that they were both fathers there was somewhat of an understanding between the two. Maybe the fact that neither of them was heartless. They had enough love in their life to care for a child. They both could understand the struggles of their occupation and being a father while in that position.

Alfie felt he could never fully trust the man, but that was usually the case for a lot of people.

“Well, I appreciate it,” Alfie said, feeling like he was wading through very strange territory. Being polite and cordial with Tommy was very new to him.

“Thank you for having me over for dinner.” He replied. “See you soon, Alfie.”

“Yeah, mate, see you soon.”

When Caroline became sick, Alfie had to stay home from work to take care of her and Chava. Well, technically he didn’t have to. They had more than enough help at Letwin, he just felt the need to be home.

Of course, he called in a doctor to make sure Caroline would be alright. But the doctor assured him that she didn’t have a fever and it was nothing more than a common cold. So, while Caroline rested in bed, Alfie watched after their daughter.

Chava was nearly two-years-old and it was nearly impossible to understand how fast she’d grown in seemingly no time at all. She was walking and running like a tiny little adult. And she’d begun to talk as well.

Alfie had been hoping that maybe she would say ‘dada’ first. But Caroline took home the prize when Chava said ‘mama’. He couldn’t blame her, his wife was amazing. And the look on Caroline’s face when she heard her daughter speak for the first time was priceless.

So maybe he’d be the runner up. Dada seemed like a natural succession to mama. But instead, Chava began addressing Cyril as ‘Cee’. Alfie swore the bullmastiff looked smug about it too.

Caroline wouldn’t tell him, but she had heard her husband trying desperately to get his daughter to say his name.

“Dada, Chava. Can you say that, aye?”

“Mama.”

“Yes, yes, mum’s great ain’t she? I bet she’d love if you could say dada.”

“Mmmm.”

“Daaaadaaa.”

Caroline held a hand over her mouth to stifle her giggle at hearing him babble like a child.

“Mama.”

“See that’s half right, innit? Very smart, you are. But you’ve gotta replace the m. Dada, yeah?”

Chava giggled. “Mama!” She said even louder.

Alfie chuckled. “Well, see now you’re just tryna pull me leg, ain’t ya? Cheeky girl.”

Eventually, she learned the word, and Alfie was overjoyed. He told everyone in Camden Town. His daughter was smart as could be, much smarter than most fifteen-month-olds.

Still, there was nothing better than spending quality time with her. Much better than bragging about her.

While Caroline was recovering, Alfie took Chava out in the garden. His wife usually did every day so he wanted to keep up the routine. And it was nothing more than a delight to watch her toddle about.

“Dada.” She pointed to the flowers, tugging on his hand.

“Yeah, love, I see ‘em. Pretty huh?” He had to stoop down a bit so she could hold his hand as they walked. “See those huh, lavender?” He knelt down to show her. “Those are your mother’s favorite flower. Loves the smell of them.”

Chava reached out to tug one of the purple flowers off the stem and examine it.

“Smell good?”

She just giggled and held it out to Alfie.

“Well, that’s kind of you.” He smiled and took it, tucking it in one of his buttonholes.

Chava let go of his hand and wandered a couple of yards away. He stood and followed after her, watching her curiously explore. She reached back into the garden and grabbed at a rose bush.

Alfie couldn’t react fast enough. She began to cry when a thorn stuck the palm of her hand.

“Oh, oh, love, c’mere.” He knelt down and took her hand in his. The thorn hadn’t stayed in her skin, staying on the stem instead. But there was a small prick of blood forming and Chava was devastated.

Sobbing, she stomped her feet and waved her hand. “Ow!”

“I know, it’s bugger, innit?” Alfie tried to calm her down. It was never easy seeing his daughter in pain. Even though she had never been seriously injured. Nothing more than a few small bruises from learning to walk. But it was still heartbreaking to hear her cry. “You’re alright though.” 

“Owwww!” She wailed even louder.

“S’alright.” Alfie swiped the little dot of blood away and kissed her hand. “There, all better. Dad’s kissed it so you’re all healed.”

Chava sniffled and looked at the nearly invisible mark. Her lower lip stuck out and she shoved her hand back toward Alfie.

“Still hurting? Why don’t we go inside and get a plaster on it then, aye?” He scooped her up to bring her inside. “Candace?” He called.

“Yes, Mr. Solomons?” She popped out of the parlor.

“Will you go get a plaster for Chava? She pricked herself on the rosebush.” He explained.

“Oh, dear. Here, I can take her. Mrs. Solomons just woke up and she was asking for you.”

Alfie nodded and gave Chava to her. “Alright, thank you.” He touched Chava’s cheek. “I’ll be back, love.” He promised before heading upstairs to the master bedroom.

Caroline was still in bed but was awake as Candace had said. She still looked pale and miserable from the illness. “Alfie?”

“Yeah, love, it’s me.” He walked over to the bed and leaned down to kiss her forehead.

But she stopped him once she felt the tickle of his beard on her skin. “I don’t need you getting sick too.” She reminded him.

“Right, sorry.” Instead, he checked her forehead with the back of his hand. “Feeling a bit better?” He asked.

“A little. I’m still so tired though.” Her voice was hoarse from the sore throat she was suffering.

“Hm.” He pulled up a chair to sit beside the bed. “I could ring the doctor again.”

“No, no. I’ll be alright.” She stifled a yawn. “Were you out with Chava? I thought I heard you two on the lawn.”

“Yeah, she tried to grab the roses though and got stuck by a thorn.”

Caroline wasn’t too worried. She was confident in Alfie’s ability to look after their daughter. “Well, maybe she’ll learn not to grab things so quickly. She’s got too much of her father in her.”

“Doesn’t wait to think ‘bout the consequences?” Alfie chuckled.

She smiled. “I didn’t say it, you did.” She sighed and turned onto her back. “But she’ll be brave like you are. And strong. That, I’m thankful for.”

Alfie leaned forward to take her hand in his. He wasn’t afraid to get a little cold.

“You know, when I first started to feel under the weather, I thought I was pregnant again.” Caroline mused out of the blue. “Remember how strange I was feeling around the time I learned I was pregnant with Chava?”

“Yeah, I remember.” He nodded.

“Well, I suppose it’s something to think about.” Her thumb smoothed over the top of his hand, grazing his wedding band.

“Think about what?”

“Having more children.” She turned her head back to him, resting her cheek on the pillow.

At first, Alfie wasn’t sure why every muscle in his body locked up. “Well-s’a bit soon, innit? We just had Chava, she’s only just turning two.”

“That’s common though, having children two years apart. Most of Ollie’s children have that age difference.” She pointed out calmly.

But inside, her husband was panicking. Of course, he thought about having more children. It was inherently Jewish to think about having a large family. And, in Alfie’s opinion, it would be something positive. He adored being a father to Chava. But he couldn’t shake the memory of her birth. The blood on the sheets and the way Caroline looked like she was drained of life. That day he thought he was going to lose his wife. It was something he wasn’t keen on risking again.

“It’s just…the way Chava’s birth went…”

“I know it was scary but sometimes those things happen. It’s okay…”

“Caroline, it ain’t ‘okay’.” He was a bit shocked by her blasé attitude. If anything, he thought she of all people would be the most hesitant. “You nearly bled to death.”

“But I didn’t, I was okay, and I’m still okay. The doctor said I could have more children.” She insisted. “He wasn’t worried about that and neither was Hanna.”

“How the fuck would they know, aye?” Alfie’s hand slipped from hers so he could get up to pace.

“Because they’re trained in childbirth, Alfie!”

“If they’d been trained well enough it wouldn’t’ve fucking happened the way it did!” He retorted.

“I think you’re getting worked up over nothing.”

“Nothing?” He threw his hands up. “Caroline, I nearly lost you! I thought I were gonna have to raise Chava all on me own. I thought I was going to have to tell her one day what happened to you.”

“But you didn’t lose me!” Her voice cracked from the sore throat, unable to raise her voice to meet his.

Alfie realized it wasn’t fair to argue with his sick wife. “I ain’t talking about this. Get some more rest.”

“Alfie, Alfie!” She called after him but he left, shutting the door behind him.


End file.
